So he just wants to f*ck.......

[That_girl]

I don't understand the guy I was seeing. He asks me to do something this weekend...sends me a txt message on saturday night (and by that time I'd already made other plans) and then ends up talking to me through txt all night.

 

He says he's really into me, thinks I'm sexy, wants to spend time with me etc.....BUT he doesn't want to jump into anything or commit to anyone (because he just got out of a relationship).....so my question is....why didn't he just say that he just wants to use me for sex??

 

I mean I'm 25 years old....don't men know that we've been around the block enough to recognize this stuff by now?

 

It just seems like all men want is sex....except for my ex. He actually got to know me and made things exclusive before we had sex. And that makes everything SO MUCH worse because I feel like I'll never meet another nice, normal guy. I am so frustrated with dating and using dating to get over my ex. I know it's not healthy to do this.....but I think it happens to the best of us sometimes...and then we realize "hey!..I think I need a new hobby". : (

[alphamale]

you should re-assess the types of dudes you're going out with. there are a lot of nerdy guys who won't try to get into your pants right away but you probably wouldn't be interested in them

[tkgirl]

I don't understand the guy I was seeing. He asks me to do something this weekend...sends me a txt message on saturday night (and by that time I'd already made other plans) and then ends up talking to me through txt all night.

 

He says he's really into me, thinks I'm sexy, wants to spend time with me etc.....BUT he doesn't want to jump into anything or commit to anyone (because he just got out of a relationship).....so my question is....why didn't he just say that he just wants to use me for sex??

 

I mean I'm 25 years old....don't men know that we've been around the block enough to recognize this stuff by now?

 

It just seems like all men want is sex....except for my ex. He actually got to know me and made things exclusive before we had sex. And that makes everything SO MUCH worse because I feel like I'll never meet another nice, normal guy. I am so frustrated with dating and using dating to get over my ex. I know it's not healthy to do this.....but I think it happens to the best of us sometimes...and then we realize "hey!..I think I need a new hobby". : (

 

 

yep.. all guys do want sex... but not all of them want JUST sex. This last guy... the fact that he texts you last minute on a saturday night to get together? booty call.. delete him. Maybe just take a break from dating for a while.. it's not a good idea if you are still hung up on your ex.

[ADF]

Being 25 is rough. You are definitely at an age where the majority of guys are just looking for one night stands, easy hook ups, FWB, and similar non-relationships. There is not much to do except wait them out. As you enter your late 20s-early 30s, you're going to find many more guys who are on the same page as you.

 

But look at the bright side: you are much more savvy than many women your age. Plenty of less sophisticated women would have entered into a relationship with this goof on his terms, in the delusional belief it would grow into "something more." At least you know better.

[alphamale]

yep.. all guys do want sex...

would you expect anything less??

[Rorschach]

I get so disheartened when I hear women say things like 'all guys want is sex now' when I'm sitting here with a great personality, a healthy respect for the opposite gender, completely available. Thats life though, have an extra 40-50 pounds on you and nobody looks at you while simultaneously complaining how they can't find anybody...

 

sorry I'm having a 'bitter' day.

[tkgirl]

would you expect anything less??

 

of course not!

[Lucky555]

i suggest before you go out and date another guy to read the book "love will find you" by kathryn alice.

 

I don't really have time to read but i figured why not try this one. I was hooked on reading it and did so in two days. Sure you can probably read it in less than a day.

 

I was recently struggling with the woes and worries. This book helped me to rediscover the spirit and positivity i had lost due to a relationship. It helped me to understand dating better and it has also helped me to smile now. I can't believe i walked around feeling so awful within myself. Of course i am working on myself to keep a positive attitude but i highly suggest you give this a read. I bought it on amazon.com, used, and it was fairly cheap! My heart feels much better and inside i feel more at peace.

[cuppa]

I get so disheartened when I hear women say things like 'all guys want is sex now' when I'm sitting here with a great personality, a healthy respect for the opposite gender, completely available. Thats life though, have an extra 40-50 pounds on you and nobody looks at you while simultaneously complaining how they can't find anybody...

 

sorry I'm having a 'bitter' day.

 

would you consider the same for great woman, great personality, but 40 -60 lbs overweight? I am not picking on you but just curious of what your take on this.

[cuppa]

I don't understand the guy I was seeing. He asks me to do something this weekend...sends me a txt message on saturday night (and by that time I'd already made other plans) and then ends up talking to me through txt all night.

 

He says he's really into me, thinks I'm sexy, wants to spend time with me etc.....BUT he doesn't want to jump into anything or commit to anyone (because he just got out of a relationship).....so my question is....why didn't he just say that he just wants to use me for sex??

 

I mean I'm 25 years old....don't men know that we've been around the block enough to recognize this stuff by now?

 

It just seems like all men want is sex....except for my ex. He actually got to know me and made things exclusive before we had sex. And that makes everything SO MUCH worse because I feel like I'll never meet another nice, normal guy. I am so frustrated with dating and using dating to get over my ex. I know it's not healthy to do this.....but I think it happens to the best of us sometimes...and then we realize "hey!..I think I need a new hobby". : (

 

There are some great guys out there but it seems that you have to filter through a lot of these. Good for you for noticing the pattern and don't waste your time with someone like him though. I think like most people say, love comes when you least expect it.

[Rorschach]

would you consider the same for great woman, great personality, but 40 -60 lbs overweight? I am not picking on you but just curious of what your take on this.

 

oh I'm aware of the irony. Frustration makes me bitter some days but it's all just born out of a desire to meet somebody and finally be done 'losing weight' and be at the 'living healthy' part. Because your right, I wouldn't really consider anybody who was overweight, I'm just bitter about being overweight

[cuppa]

oh I'm aware of the irony. Frustration makes me bitter some days but it's all just born out of a desire to meet somebody and finally be done 'losing weight' and be at the 'living healthy' part. Because your right, I wouldn't really consider anybody who was overweight, I'm just bitter about being overweight

 

I still think that if you up your exercises, you don't need to alter your diet that drastically (it doesn't have to be all plain salad and put yourself into torture). You don't have to be "bitter" while you are doing all these to better yourself. I am actually enjoying my fitness activities, I'm looking forward to it everyday.

 

I was planning to write to your calorie question...maybe I will write more over there.

[Rorschach]

I still think that if you up your exercises, you don't need to alter your diet that drastically (it doesn't have to be all plain salad and put yourself into torture). You don't have to be "bitter" while you are doing all these to better yourself. I am actually enjoying my fitness activities, I'm looking forward to it everyday.

 

I was planning to write to your calorie question...maybe I will write more over there.

 

Yeah bring the convo over there, I love talking about my physical health right now.

[Green]

Do I want my gf for sex? Yes, of course... but I also want her for everything else. She is my best friend.

 

When we first started dating I too tried to play it cool. With the I don't want to rush into anything talk.

 

He may like you, he may just think you are sexy. Thats on him if all he wants is sex. Not all guys are like this.

[dazzle22]

Some of us having been posting on another thread about texting early in a relationship, so my apologies to them for repetition. But you might want to reference that thread. Good advice given there..

 

Here's the deal. Very few people will give you more respect than you DEMAND from them. You need to up the high bar on people early in relationships, not lower it. This goes for same sex friends too.

 

And texting last minute is very low, and under the high bar of respect that I would tolerate.. Him texting how much he likes you - coward's way- those are the type of things that should be said 'face to face'. DEMAND MORE from all your relationships. And throw to the curb people who disrepect you. You will be a lot happier...

[Pfiend101]

curious you say you want a guy like your ex. Who broke up with who?

[boogieboy]

I don't understand the guy I was seeing. He asks me to do something this weekend...sends me a txt message on saturday night (and by that time I'd already made other plans) and then ends up talking to me through txt all night.

 

He says he's really into me, thinks I'm sexy, wants to spend time with me etc.....BUT he doesn't want to jump into anything or commit to anyone (because he just got out of a relationship).....so my question is....why didn't he just say that he just wants to use me for sex??

 

I mean I'm 25 years old....don't men know that we've been around the block enough to recognize this stuff by now?

 

It just seems like all men want is sex....except for my ex. He actually got to know me and made things exclusive before we had sex. And that makes everything SO MUCH worse because I feel like I'll never meet another nice, normal guy. I am so frustrated with dating and using dating to get over my ex. I know it's not healthy to do this.....but I think it happens to the best of us sometimes...and then we realize "hey!..I think I need a new hobby". : (

 

Its cuz hes not stupid, he knows most women wont give him sex if he says so directly.

 

If you want to meet a nice normal guy, you have to approach nice normal guys. Dont flirt with the guys that have options. Guys with options dont need a relationship with you.

[That_girl]

Thanks for all the replies, I think I will check out the book that was suggested by Lucky555. I feel like the break-up has made me lose my spirit entirely. I don't even really want to date. I haven't been the same person since, and when I'm on dates particularly, I don't have the energy and enthusiasm that I used to have. I also lost a lot of confidence. I know that a lot of people here probably understand what I'm feeling completely.

 

Pfiend101: He broke up with me, but it was kinda of mutual. Somebody HAD to do it...i just didn't think I could at the time. So he did. He had alot of great qualities and we shared a lot in common (first man that I've ever fallen in love with), but we were totally incompatible on so many levels. Although I was his girlfriend for over 3 years, I never felt that I really 'had' him.

 

 

And you all are so right about the txt guy. I actually kind of liked him...he took my mind off of my ex throughout the short time we spent together. But I feel completely disrespected by that whole thing, and I think it's soooo cowardly and immature. I don't actually want to date someone like that and I know that I'm lowering my standards. I won't speak/ txt to him again! LOL Texting all the time to anyone makes me nervous anyway, some things need to be said in person!

 

Ugh...does anyone ever feel desperate sometimes?? I hate admitting it, but I really think I am desperate....desperate to move on and find someone to make me forget him. But at the same time I have completely lost faith in humanity at this point, if my lover of 3 years gave up on me....anyone else would/ could too.

 

I know I'm dating people for all the wrong reasons. This sucks, but if anything....I'm definitely learning things.

 

 

By the way, it's really comforting to know that others understand what I'm going through too. Not many of my friends have been through long-term relationships, followed by gut-wrenching break-ups. So they expect me to toughen up and not be so cynical. I'm working on it.....and this place really does help : )

[cuppa]

 

Ugh...does anyone ever feel desperate sometimes?? I hate admitting it, but I really think I am desperate....desperate to move on and find someone to make me forget him. But at the same time I have completely lost faith in humanity at this point, if my lover of 3 years gave up on me....anyone else would/ could too.

 

I know I'm dating people for all the wrong reasons. This sucks, but if anything....I'm definitely learning things.

 

 

By the way, it's really comforting to know that others understand what I'm going through too. Not many of my friends have been through long-term relationships, followed by gut-wrenching break-ups. So they expect me to toughen up and not be so cynical. I'm working on it.....and this place really does help : )

 

It takes time to get over a 3 year relationship esp when you still have strong feeling for him. Just give it time, you will find yourself again. So what if you are desperate, we, women, have carnal needs too (someone to cuddle, to share intimate moments, etc). It's perfectly normal.

[pantherj]

Let me describe a certain type of guy who is easy to spot. This type of guy is responsible for 90% of the constant complaints that come from women.

 

Here's our character (Joe):

 

- large guy, built like a linebacker. not fat.

 

- since 14 yo, girls have thrown themselves at him.

 

- he has 'dated' dozens of women, they did whatever he wanted.

 

- after work, he gets ready to go out and party.

 

- he has the phone # of 20+ attractive women.

 

- during parties, he hits on different women, looking to hook up.

 

- while not at a party/bar/club/work, he calls women with an offer to hook up later. this offer is usually accepted.

 

- the entire cell phone industry is built around this guy.

 

Nothing strange or out of the ordinary so far. If that were the end of it, then I wouldn't be annoyed. But no, the women this guy sleeps with have an unimaginable desire to complain about him to anyone who will listen. Here is my request: Please, in the name of whatever you hold dear, stop complaining about this type of guy. Women aren't going to change. This guy isn't going to change. He will always be around, working his cell phone. Let it go. Here is a list of things which I hope women stop complaining about:

 

- Joe just wants sex.

 

Does he look like he wants romance? Why state common knowledge repeatedly?

 

- Joe won't just come out and say "Hey woman a barely know, let's f tonight."

 

No kidding? That's what gets you riled up? Joe couldn't trick an 8 year old, but he fooled you into sleeping with him because he didn't say "let's f." Stop it. No more. He's not fooling anyone. This is comical. You know his offer, so accept or decline. If you accept, then don't complain. If you decline, then don't be jealous of the girl who accepted.

 

- All men act just like Joe. They just want sex.

 

No Joe just wants sex, and you want Joe. Don't spread his turd behavior on the rest of us.

 

- Why can't Joe be romantic? Like Channing Tatum in 'The Long Shot'.

 

A woman most likely wrote Tatum's lines (I didn't see the film). Ever here Tatum speak on his own? Yeah.... don't expect any romantic dialog.

 

- Joe doesn't have any respect for me.

 

Neither do you. That's the trade off for dating Joe. Sex -> Drama -> Crying -> Complaining -> Sex.... That's life with Joe, and AT&T loves it. Call and tell your gfs all about what Joe did.

 

- Joe cheated on me!

 

Stop you're killing me.

 

So all I want is for women to stop complaining about Joe. Sleep with him a million times, idc, but stop complaining to everyone about him. Just be honest. Stop lying to your parents, sneaking around, complaining, pretending that Joe fooled you, just stop all of it. It'll make life so much easier.

[phineas]

And while your at it ladies, please stop acting surprised or shocked when the average guy you decide to date after getting used by Joe wants sex also.

 

we also want to spend time with you.

 

We just don't want to get punished & made to wait or feel we have to prove ourselves because of your poor decision making skills in relation to "joe"

 

Because lets face it, the next "joe" to come around is going to get sex right away & us average guys know it.

[SarahRose]

Let me describe a certain type of guy who is easy to spot. This type of guy is responsible for 90% of the constant complaints that come from women.

 

Here's our character (Joe):

 

- large guy, built like a linebacker. not fat.

 

- since 14 yo, girls have thrown themselves at him.

 

- he has 'dated' dozens of women, they did whatever he wanted.

 

- after work, he gets ready to go out and party.

 

- he has the phone # of 20+ attractive women.

 

- during parties, he hits on different women, looking to hook up.

 

- while not at a party/bar/club/work, he calls women with an offer to hook up later. this offer is usually accepted.

 

- the entire cell phone industry is built around this guy.

 

Nothing strange or out of the ordinary so far. If that were the end of it, then I wouldn't be annoyed. But no, the women this guy sleeps with have an unimaginable desire to complain about him to anyone who will listen. Here is my request: Please, in the name of whatever you hold dear, stop complaining about this type of guy. Women aren't going to change. This guy isn't going to change. He will always be around, working his cell phone. Let it go. Here is a list of things which I hope women stop complaining about:

 

- Joe just wants sex.

 

Does he look like he wants romance? Why state common knowledge repeatedly?

 

- Joe won't just come out and say "Hey woman a barely know, let's f tonight."

 

No kidding? That's what gets you riled up? Joe couldn't trick an 8 year old, but he fooled you into sleeping with him because he didn't say "let's f." Stop it. No more. He's not fooling anyone. This is comical. You know his offer, so accept or decline. If you accept, then don't complain. If you decline, then don't be jealous of the girl who accepted.

 

- All men act just like Joe. They just want sex.

 

No Joe just wants sex, and you want Joe. Don't spread his turd behavior on the rest of us.

 

- Why can't Joe be romantic? Like Channing Tatum in 'The Long Shot'.

 

A woman most likely wrote Tatum's lines (I didn't see the film). Ever here Tatum speak on his own? Yeah.... don't expect any romantic dialog.

 

- Joe doesn't have any respect for me.

 

Neither do you. That's the trade off for dating Joe. Sex -> Drama -> Crying -> Complaining -> Sex.... That's life with Joe, and AT&T loves it. Call and tell your gfs all about what Joe did.

 

- Joe cheated on me!

 

Stop you're killing me.

 

So all I want is for women to stop complaining about Joe. Sleep with him a million times, idc, but stop complaining to everyone about him. Just be honest. Stop lying to your parents, sneaking around, complaining, pretending that Joe fooled you, just stop all of it. It'll make life so much easier.

 

Nothing unusual? You mean he isn't mentally ill or compensating for an abusive childhood?

[phineas]

I'll never understand what draws so many women to Joe. I'll never understand why so many men choose the hot girl with no personality either.

 

The ones who end up getting left out in the cold are men and women with good personalities without the hot bodies. Too many people want what is most exciting for them this instant rather than what will truly keep them happy over the years.

 

It wasn't too long ago that almost EVERYONE had a hot body.

Simply because EVERYONE was working hard with manual labor & had to walk everywhere.

 

Think about that.

 

These days most people have to get up off their buts & exercise to be in shape due to the relative inactivity & mass calorie consumption of our daily lives.

[Rorschach]

It wasn't too long ago that almost EVERYONE had a hot body.

Simply because EVERYONE was working hard with manual labor & had to walk everywhere.

 

Think about that.

 

These days most people have to get up off their buts & exercise to be in shape due to the relative inactivity & mass calorie consumption of our daily lives.

 

*gets back from the gym*

 

True words right here. Only way to beat the system is play by the rules and live healthy. Then you can be a good personality with a hot bod and get an KEEP, whoever you want.

[Mary3]

I get so disheartened when I hear women say things like 'all guys want is sex now' when I'm sitting here with a great personality, a healthy respect for the opposite gender, completely available. Thats life though, have an extra 40-50 pounds on you and nobody looks at you while simultaneously complaining how they can't find anybody...

 

sorry I'm having a 'bitter' day.

 

Big guys get sex too.....lots of women love bigger men You just don't know that yet....