25yearoldgirl Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Help! My boyfriend and I are currently at a deadlock in this fight. I want to move on but he wont give it up. Here's the deal: I dated a guy named Bill for about a year, we broke up 2 1/2 years ago and I moved on. We stayed acquaintances. I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over 9 months and we have a great relationship, moving towards marriage. Both of us are Christian and take this very seriously (just a side note). My ex-boyfriend Bill called me two days ago and told me that he was broken down in his car in the middle of the desert about two hours from me and asked if there was any way I could come get him and take him to the train station on the way back. The reason he called me and not someone else was that I was the closest person he knew by a 3 hours drive. I called my boyfriend at work (which I never ever do) to see if there were any other options for Bill such and he suggested a tow-truck or a taxi. I called Bill back and after Bill had looked into it it would have cost $500 for a tow-truck to tow him to the nearest town-thats how far out in the middle of no where he was (by himself). My mom and I talked it over and decided we should pick him up. She had things to do so my brother came with me. I called my boyfriends cell phone (which was dead) and let him know what I was doing. Loooong story short, he's furious and wont get over it until I admit that what I did was wrong. Advice??
mrt336 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I'd not have a problem with it, especially considering your brother went with you.
Green Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I'd be really upset if my gf went to pick up and ex bf even if her entire family went with her. Seriously you should have just let the guy spend the $500. Your bf will probably get over this even if you don't take responsibility. Personaly I'm the type of guy that believes in keeping things drama free. If my ex-gf called me up saying that she needed help moving out of her apartment and that if I didn't help her and she hired movers it would cost her $500 I would tell her sorry no if it meant not pissing off my current gf. Cause when it comes down to it thats what it was, you got to choose between pissing off your ex or your current bf and he feels like you picked ur ex over his well being.
tkgirl Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Help! My boyfriend and I are currently at a deadlock in this fight. I want to move on but he wont give it up. Here's the deal: I dated a guy named Bill for about a year, we broke up 2 1/2 years ago and I moved on. We stayed acquaintances. I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over 9 months and we have a great relationship, moving towards marriage. Both of us are Christian and take this very seriously (just a side note). My ex-boyfriend Bill called me two days ago and told me that he was broken down in his car in the middle of the desert about two hours from me and asked if there was any way I could come get him and take him to the train station on the way back. The reason he called me and not someone else was that I was the closest person he knew by a 3 hours drive. I called my boyfriend at work (which I never ever do) to see if there were any other options for Bill such and he suggested a tow-truck or a taxi. I called Bill back and after Bill had looked into it it would have cost $500 for a tow-truck to tow him to the nearest town-thats how far out in the middle of no where he was (by himself). My mom and I talked it over and decided we should pick him up. She had things to do so my brother came with me. I called my boyfriends cell phone (which was dead) and let him know what I was doing. Loooong story short, he's furious and wont get over it until I admit that what I did was wrong. Advice?? That's not being very "christian" of him.. he should understand that you were helping out a friend. I'm friends with a lot of my ex's and would do the same thing for them if they needed my help... well, most of them! anyho.. you didn't do anything wrong and he needs to get over it.
tkgirl Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I'd be really upset if my gf went to pick up and ex bf even if her entire family went with her. Seriously you should have just let the guy spend the $500. Your bf will probably get over this even if you don't take responsibility. Personaly I'm the type of guy that believes in keeping things drama free. If my ex-gf called me up saying that she needed help moving out of her apartment and that if I didn't help her and she hired movers it would cost her $500 I would tell her sorry no if it meant not pissing off my current gf. Cause when it comes down to it thats what it was, you got to choose between pissing off your ex or your current bf and he feels like you picked ur ex over his well being. the guy was stranded in the middle of the desert! not really the same thing as needing help to move... plus it shows he doesn't trust her very much... if I were her I would be the one that'd be pissed at him!
ADF Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Your BF is being completely unreasonable. You go out to the desert with half your family to help this guy who was stranded--by what bizarre logic does your BF think you did anything wrong? It sounds to melike he is just the jealous, controlling type. He needs to get over it.
Rorschach Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 In my eyes your BF is out of line. It's not like you snuck out to see him or anything.
Green Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 the guy was stranded in the middle of the desert! not really the same thing as needing help to move... plus it shows he doesn't trust her very much... if I were her I would be the one that'd be pissed at him! Stranded is different. But my response remains the same. The fact is my ex's would know better then to call me asking for help. I wouldn't trust a woman who remained friends with her ex to a degree that favors were being called upon her. There are so many great girls out there who don't remain in contact with their exbf's and won't be running off to pick them up when their car breaks down. I would much rather date and marry a woman who didn't have some jerry seinfeld relationship with her ex.
boogieboy Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I agree with your bf. Your ex can find someone else to go get him. You gonna keep picking up ex bf's when youre married?
SecretSquirrel Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Your BF needs to chill out. But I also don't believe for one second that a tow truck would've cost $500. And um, you picked him up...so now how's he gonna get his car back without a tow?? I also think in the future, you shouldn't go, for someone you USED to date. Not sure why he even called you or still had your number.
CLC2008 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Help! My boyfriend and I are currently at a deadlock in this fight. I want to move on but he wont give it up. Here's the deal: I dated a guy named Bill for about a year, we broke up 2 1/2 years ago and I moved on. We stayed acquaintances. I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over 9 months and we have a great relationship, moving towards marriage. Both of us are Christian and take this very seriously (just a side note). My ex-boyfriend Bill called me two days ago and told me that he was broken down in his car in the middle of the desert about two hours from me and asked if there was any way I could come get him and take him to the train station on the way back. The reason he called me and not someone else was that I was the closest person he knew by a 3 hours drive. I called my boyfriend at work (which I never ever do) to see if there were any other options for Bill such and he suggested a tow-truck or a taxi. I called Bill back and after Bill had looked into it it would have cost $500 for a tow-truck to tow him to the nearest town-thats how far out in the middle of no where he was (by himself). My mom and I talked it over and decided we should pick him up. She had things to do so my brother came with me. I called my boyfriends cell phone (which was dead) and let him know what I was doing. Loooong story short, he's furious and wont get over it until I admit that what I did was wrong. Advice?? Yup, your BF overacted. But, I would have probably felt the same initially, had I been in his shoes. There are many other ways for someone to get a ride. If there were absolutely no other options, at best, you could have asked one of your family members to give him a ride. That aside, you do not want to be in a situation with someone where you feel as though you have to run everything by your SO over fear that they will get furious with you if you don't. The type of relationship you do want, is one where you can tell each other everything, and work together as a team.
Green Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Your BF needs to chill out. But I also don't believe for one second that a tow truck would've cost $500. And um, you picked him up...so now how's he gonna get his car back without a tow?? I also think in the future, you shouldn't go, for someone you USED to date. Not sure why he even called you or still had your number. If instead of calling his ex/gf he had called some repair places they probably would have had a tow truck that would have towed him for free or less then $80... so yes I find the $500 thing a stretch. And great point he is going to need the tow eventualy. These were great points... but still I'm on the bf's side on this one. I mean she totaly took her ex/bf side over his and that hurts
txsilkysmoothe Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I think you should have respected your boyfriends feelings. He could have been more reasonable but the fact that he wasn't doesn't make it right for you to do something that you knew would upset him. Compromise is necessary in a relationship and is usually required when the other person is being unreasonable or is just wrong. How was it that you were able to contact your bf once but not later? Because of his phone? He doesn't have a work number? What was the point of taking your brother? How old is he? Can he drive and if so, couldn't he have gone by himself to pick up your ex? You don't have friends who would have gone to pick him up?
Green Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 She hasn't even dated her current bf a year, but she spent over a year with her ex, 3 1/2 if you count the time they've kept in touch after the break up. Of course your current bf is going to be upset, and like the previous poster said... why did you even call if you were just going to do it any ways.
Romance Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Its not a big deal,especially since your brother went with you however, I can see where your bf is coming from. Im a jealous person and I'd be mad at my boyfriend for doing the same thing.
phineas Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 jealousy wouldn't be my issue. driving out to the middle of the dessert at night would be for me. seriously? They NEVER find the bodies out there.
spookie Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 personally, i'd have been alarmed if my bf hadn't helped out his ex in that situation. it may not have worked out between them, but coming to her aid whe she is stranded in the desert would show he's a good, reliable guy.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Help! My boyfriend and I are currently at a deadlock in this fight. I want to move on but he wont give it up. Here's the deal: I dated a guy named Bill for about a year, we broke up 2 1/2 years ago and I moved on. We stayed acquaintances. I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over 9 months and we have a great relationship, moving towards marriage. Both of us are Christian and take this very seriously (just a side note). My ex-boyfriend Bill called me two days ago and told me that he was broken down in his car in the middle of the desert about two hours from me and asked if there was any way I could come get him and take him to the train station on the way back. The reason he called me and not someone else was that I was the closest person he knew by a 3 hours drive. I called my boyfriend at work (which I never ever do) to see if there were any other options for Bill such and he suggested a tow-truck or a taxi. I called Bill back and after Bill had looked into it it would have cost $500 for a tow-truck to tow him to the nearest town-thats how far out in the middle of no where he was (by himself). My mom and I talked it over and decided we should pick him up. She had things to do so my brother came with me. I called my boyfriends cell phone (which was dead) and let him know what I was doing. Loooong story short, he's furious and wont get over it until I admit that what I did was wrong. Advice?? Given the circumstances as explained, your boyfriend is a moron, and you did everything quite suitably. D.T.M.F.A. !!!!
MichelleZB Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 He wants you to admit what you did was wrong. But what exactly, according to him, was wrong about what you did? Can you (or he) be more specific? I'm not really sure what his future expectations are of you. Does he want you to cut all contact with any ex? Or what's the deal?
Author 25yearoldgirl Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Thank you to everyone who replied! To clear up a couple of things: I had already called my boyfriend at work once to ask him what Bill should do. This is a new job for him so I didn't want to get him in trouble by calling again so I called his cell phone and left a message. When I did this I didn't have a thought in my mind about him being even remotely upset about what I was doing since he is generally not the jealous type and a large portion of his friends are female. I had pure motives and was truly only trying to help someone--which I would have done for any friend. Also, as to why it would have cost $500 for a tow truck: Bill was about 100 miles east of Barstow, CA in the middle of the Mojave desert so towing to the nearest town was indeed $500. And his engine was toast so he called an organization which picks up your junk car and gives you money for it. Thus he will not be needing to make a return trip, in fact he got on a train to Oregon which is where he is moving to. And finally, I definitely do not have a Jerry Seinfeld relationship with my ex. I have talked to him only a handful of times in the passed year, one of which was when he found out my dad was in the hospital, the other when he needed rescuing! Thanks again everyone, this was helpful!!
Green Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 The junk car thing clears a lot up. So your bf has friends that are girls that he goes and does stuff alone with? Look if it were me I would be pssed to but I would get over it pretty quick. Just warning you this guy will never be comfortable with you spending time with ur ex.
Yandere Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) Hmm, if it was me i'd just say to him to agree to disagree. You did what you thought was ok at the time, you helped out a friend.. cos hes an ex your bf feels threatened but he should trust you overall. Its not like you didn't tell him what you were doing before you went and did it. Edited April 19, 2010 by Yandere
Bejita463 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 The fact is my ex's would know better then to call me asking for help. You probably didn't remain friends with them then. That's your choice, but not everyone makes that choice. I wouldn't trust a woman who remained friends with her ex to a degree that favors were being called upon her. I wouldn't trust a friendship as only being a friendship if a favor could not be called on. What kind of ****ty friend would you have to have for him or her to not be available to help you when you need it? Paranoia does relationships no good. Either you trust your partner or you do not. Who they choose to associate with is secondary, and ultimately not your concern unless they CHOOSE to share that information.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Oh for the love of.... You let your bf know what was going on and you went with your brother. It's not like you were trying to rekindle something, get freaky or hide anything at all. You went, got someone out of the desert and then sent them on their way. So what you dated him? Hasn't your guy ever heard of the Good Samaritan?
RobM Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I think you should apologize, tell him you're sorry he's being such an ass about this. I think he's totally wrong and it tells you a lot about him, and it's not good. I would seriously consider if you want to keep dating him. You've only been dating 9 months, he shouldn't being telling you want you can and can't do.
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