MsAngelEyes Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 First off, I'm new to this site, so bear with me! Just wanted to share some of my story with you all, hopefully without a lot of bad judgment. Sorry if it is really long! So, I guess I can be considered the OW? It all started about about 2 years ago. I was at a local restaurant with a friend and saw "my MM", his wife and children. MM and I went to high school together, he was a couple of years ahead of me, however, we were not close in school, etc. Me, my friend that was in the restaurant with me, MM and his wife started hanging out and going out together. I ended up moving into a house almost directly across the street from MM. Me and his wife became good friends over time. I began hanging out at MM's house quite a bit with his wife. Over time, wife started working the graveyard shift, which in turn I was hanging out with MM A LOT. We became very close over time. I noticed his flirtatious comments got more and more frequent and we flirted quite a bit, but nothing ever happened, that is until this January. I had gone out one night and had a few drinks and ended up going to meet him and we had sex. He was guilty about it, very guilty, as soon as we were finished. We sat and had a talk about the situation and I decided the best thing for me to do was to not hang out with him when his W was not there so that nothing else could happen. Well, that lasted for about a week or two and he called me wanting me to come over saying he missed me, telling me that he felt like he had lost his best friend, etc. This two week period of not talking to him or seeing him was very hard for me. I felt like I had lost my best friend and was totally depressed! He has confided in me about the problems that he has had in his marriage, i.e, her not wanting to have sex with him (we conclude it is from her antidepressants), not wanting to perform oral sex, not being affectionate at all with him, etc. We have all been hanging out ever since then and me and MM have been having sex quite frequently. His "guilty conscious" seems to have gone away...at least he is not voicing it to me anymore. However, I find myself wanting him more and more and I also find myself thinking about him on a daily basis, so much sometimes that I wonder why! MM and his W have been married for about 14 years. My daughter is friends with all of their children and is constantly at their house and me and W are friends. He has expressed to me that he does not want to leave his W and I have told him that what I want from him is purely sexual. No one in our circle of friends has any idea of what is going on. I have also noticed that when I am at MM's house, if I get a message on my blackberry, he is constantly wanting to know who is messaging me, etc. and I have an ex-boyfriend (whom is married) that I am good friends with that MM knows about, but whenever this friend messages me on m blackberry, MM seems to get jealous. He has even told me that he is jealous. What is all that about??? MM really is a good guy, would give you the shirt off of his back and would do anything to help his friends and family out, but geez...I can't get him off my mind and am afraid that it is starting to get more than purely physical. This is just a physical thing right? I hope my story made a little bit of sense! lol.
2sunny Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 not just physical... mental and emotional as well since you are obsessing about him, his wife, more time with him... whether or not people know about you. emotional ties as well since he's concerned about who you correspond with and wants to keep the connection going. you didn't ask if it's healthy for all involved... hmmmm.
Fouts Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Well, the only way it will end is badly, there's no avoidance of that. How many lives will be wrecked, including the children's, is the only thing that's left to play out.
Author MsAngelEyes Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 I mean, I know it's not "healthy"....but I just can't help myself when I'm around him. I have initiated things one time, and he turned me down. So, I told him a while back that I would not initiate anything to happen anymore and I have stuck to my word. He has made the move every time. I don't feel like I love him or anything like that. I just want sex, all the time, with him. And I know that it probably should end, but I just don't want to do that right now. I do think about him all the time, but i don't obsess over his wife or whether or not people know. I have even given her tips on oral sex, etc. to try with him and I know that they have sex every now and then. It's certainly not like he's telling me he's not sleeping with her at all. We are completely honest with each other. I also know for a fact that no one knows about what we are doing, I'm not worried about that part. The only ones that know are me and him. I just feel like I could put my story on here, since I can't really talk to anyone else about it.
Fouts Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 That's what the board is for I'm not judging you, only telling you that it -will- end badly. You know her, you claim by some odd definition to be friends with her. I'm sure he feels guilt when he looks at his children or has an intimate moment with her. She'll find out one way or another, whether she sees the signs, which are there and adds it up, or he breaks down and decides to come clean. One way or another it will definitely happen, you're too close to both of them for it not to. Again, not to judge, but do you know what a broken home can do to children? When you look in the mirror, is it worth humping the neighbor guy to get a nut with the real possibility that it will wreck their family forever? Some wives don't forgive, children have no choice.
bentnotbroken Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 You are no friend to his wife. When this blows up, all those children are going to be hurt because they won't be allowed to play together. I have a special place of disdain for women who befriend the woman the cuckolding the H. It will be a double whammy for her. Her "friend" and her "loving husband". If she weren't depressed before, she will be now. The "I can't help myself" excuse wouldn't be accepted by you from you child for doing something repeatedly that they know is wrong...why is it okay for you? The example? The role model? Then the nerve to give her tips on oral:eek: Why not just be the adult here and walk away? Don't do this to her family anymore. Tell her that her H is a warm pile of steaming carp and move on.
fooled once Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 First off, I'm new to this site, so bear with me! Just wanted to share some of my story with you all, hopefully without a lot of bad judgment. Sorry if it is really long! So, I guess I can be considered the OW? It all started about about 2 years ago. I was at a local restaurant with a friend and saw "my MM", his wife and children. MM and I went to high school together, he was a couple of years ahead of me, however, we were not close in school, etc. Me, my friend that was in the restaurant with me, MM and his wife started hanging out and going out together. I ended up moving into a house almost directly across the street from MM. Me and his wife became good friends over time. I began hanging out at MM's house quite a bit with his wife. Over time, wife started working the graveyard shift, which in turn I was hanging out with MM A LOT. We became very close over time. I noticed his flirtatious comments got more and more frequent and we flirted quite a bit, but nothing ever happened, that is until this January. I had gone out one night and had a few drinks and ended up going to meet him and we had sex. He was guilty about it, very guilty, as soon as we were finished. We sat and had a talk about the situation and I decided the best thing for me to do was to not hang out with him when his W was not there so that nothing else could happen. Well, that lasted for about a week or two and he called me wanting me to come over saying he missed me, telling me that he felt like he had lost his best friend, etc. This two week period of not talking to him or seeing him was very hard for me. I felt like I had lost my best friend and was totally depressed! He has confided in me about the problems that he has had in his marriage, i.e, her not wanting to have sex with him (we conclude it is from her antidepressants), not wanting to perform oral sex, not being affectionate at all with him, etc. We have all been hanging out ever since then and me and MM have been having sex quite frequently. His "guilty conscious" seems to have gone away...at least he is not voicing it to me anymore. However, I find myself wanting him more and more and I also find myself thinking about him on a daily basis, so much sometimes that I wonder why! MM and his W have been married for about 14 years. My daughter is friends with all of their children and is constantly at their house and me and W are friends. He has expressed to me that he does not want to leave his W and I have told him that what I want from him is purely sexual. No one in our circle of friends has any idea of what is going on. I have also noticed that when I am at MM's house, if I get a message on my blackberry, he is constantly wanting to know who is messaging me, etc. and I have an ex-boyfriend (whom is married) that I am good friends with that MM knows about, but whenever this friend messages me on m blackberry, MM seems to get jealous. He has even told me that he is jealous. What is all that about??? MM really is a good guy, would give you the shirt off of his back and would do anything to help his friends and family out, but geez...I can't get him off my mind and am afraid that it is starting to get more than purely physical. This is just a physical thing right? I hope my story made a little bit of sense! lol. Sorry, but wow. You are screwing your friends husband right under her nose. And I am sure you believe his story of his wife not giving him a blow job, not wanting sex, etc. I mean, he can't tell you that they make love every night now can he? Then he won't seem like the poor undersexed victim. You know this is going to end bad, right? You know she will find out. You know that your children will find out, right? And then what? When he tells his wife that you kept coming onto him, that you kept coming over knowing she wasn't there...when he totally throws you under the bus, because he has told you he isn't leaving his wife. And your daughter. What exactly are you going to tell her? That you were horny and wanted sex and figured he was the only one available? I don't say this to be crude, I say this to wake you up to how bad this will turn out. Stop what you are doing. You are already developing feelings and you WILL get hurt. Please don't use the "I can't help myself" excuse. YES you can; you are just choosing not to. YOU control yourself. OWN what you are doing. Don't use lame excuses. I also don't buy the "we are honest with each other" stuff.
jwi71 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 ...but I just can't help myself when I'm around him. BS. You want it and allow to it to happen. You say this because it somehow absolves you of responsibility - well, it doesn't. You own 50% of this. Say it with me "I want him, I love him and I don't care who I hurt in the process". At least be honest with yourself. I have initiated things one time, and he turned me down. So, I told him a while back that I would not initiate anything to happen anymore and I have stuck to my word. He has made the move every timeNo point to this except another attempt to wash your hands of culpability. "Its' not my fault, he came on to me - what was I to do?" Seriously, of course you wanted it...we all know it so I can't figure out why you would say this....oh yeah, guilt. Call it "practice for when this blows up" I don't feel like I love him or anything like that. I just want sex, all the time, with him. And I know that it probably should end, but I just don't want to do that right now. I do think about him all the time, but i don't obsess over his wife or whether or not people knowOf course you don't think about anyone else. People wrapped up in an A typically don't. Do you love him? You are certainly giving some indications that you beginning to. . I have even given her tips on oral sex, etc. to try with him and I know that they have sex every now and thenThis is unreal. You, the wife's "friend", giving HER sexual advice about her H with whom you are having an A. Most OW here have difficulty looking the wife in the face...this is a new low. Am I the only disturbed by this? Do you have ANY boundaries? . It's certainly not like he's telling me he's not sleeping with her at all. We are completely honest with each otherIf I only I had a penny for each time I heard this...I could quit and retire now... . I also know for a fact that no one knows about what we are doing, I'm not worried about that part. And here too...if only I had a penny...I would guess there is at least some neighborhood rumors swirling about you two.... And let me guess, after the W goes to work and the kids are in bed, you guys shag in THEIR marital bed? And since you both have kids (who are friends)...its just a matter of time before the kids catch you together...then all hell breaks loose. I don't know how old your kids are...but their school life will go straight to hell as well.
BB07 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Well I agree with a lot of the advice you've already been given by the other posters. Woman.......what the heck are you doing? Doing your friends husband and saying you can't help yourself.....geez! As others have said there is no way that this can have anything other than a really bad ending. A lot of people are going to get hurt and get hurt badly. It's likely that your life and your friends lives will never be the same. The best thing you can do is move away from this family.....ASAP.
Author MsAngelEyes Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Alright, so obviously I am being judged on this forum. I didn't come here and write my story to be judged. I understand the things that you all are saying, I have thought about all of it. Obviously, I should have never come to this site. Won't happen again!
bentnotbroken Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Judged you aren't. Being told how much damage this is going to cause to a lot of innocent people, yes you were. Put on your big girl drawers and pretend for a minute that there was some valuable advice in that. What advice would you give your child if they were on the receiving end of what you are doing to that woman and her children? Not liking what you hear won't change the fact that it is destructive behavior. Judgement is God's, but saying something is wrong and why isn't judging.
jthorne Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Alright, so obviously I am being judged on this forum. I didn't come here and write my story to be judged. I understand the things that you all are saying, I have thought about all of it. Obviously, I should have never come to this site. Won't happen again!I'm always so confused when people come here with stories like this, and when they aren't told what they want to hear, they complain of being judged. Exactly what was it you wanted us to say?
Heather1 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I'm going to have to agree here....me, the one of the most liberal ones on this board. Only because it's so close to home & it's a no win. You are also going to be the one to take the fall & I think you should really think hard and consider that, the what comes next part. It's not going to be good, mostly for you.
BB07 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Alright, so obviously I am being judged on this forum. I didn't come here and write my story to be judged. I understand the things that you all are saying, I have thought about all of it. Obviously, I should have never come to this site. Won't happen again! If you are going to put your story out there......then you've got to be willing to open your mind that there are people here with good advice and they do have a willingness to try to help you.......even if it's not what you wanted to hear. Read it all.......with an open mind. Think about this.........what would you say to your friend if she came and told you this story that you've told us. Wouldn't you be able to see that there can be no happy ending in this situation?
Fouts Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 MsAngelEyes, people are offering you guidance on a situation you've created that shows very little regard to anyone other than yourself. Being a person of integrity, character and moral decency are things that most normal people strive for. Maybe a forum like this will open your eyes and guide you down that path, help you become a better decision maker in the future. Why else did you come here? To share a naughty secret? I hope you can veer off the path that you're headed down at some point hun, good luck.
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 You think some people are harsh? No, they gave you a reality check. You don't like what you're reading as it's probably hitting home and making you feel bad. See, but that's a GOOD thing because it WILL make you THINK. You don't love him yet you want him for sex. How selfish is that? You knowingly are involved with him, (who cares who intiates it..And who cares if he's jealous, his ego is hurting) and are helping him deceive his wife, YOUR friend. On a daily basis. So, ask yourself this.. Is ruining your kids friendship with the MM's kids worth screwing this MM? (Oh, he isn't a 'good guy' like you've described. He's a scumbag, he's a liar, a cheater, a betrayer and is selfish.) PUT YOUR KIDS FIRST and stop messing around with him. This is double betrayal. You and MM's wife..You and his wife were friends, but no true friend would bang her husband. Ever.. Imagine how SHE is going to feel once the truth comes out. It will eventually happen, only a matter of time. I'm surprised neighbours haven't noticed and started gossiping.. Go read Forbidden Fruit's threads.
Fallen Angel Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Ms.AngelEyes, You are the one who posed the question. You asked, "This is just physical, right?" and people are answering you. No reason to get angry because you do not like the answers you are getting. If you expected to come here and have us all pat you on the back and tell you what a warm and generous friend you are to the wife, because you are obviously so much better a lover than she is and are willing to give her "pointers" on how to suck a c*ck, then you are correct in assuming that you came to the wrong place. But if you want honest answers, and want to hear the truth about the affair you are in, stick around, you will find that here. I am also OW, and I too was appalled to read that you have "befriended" your lovers wife like you have. You are NO FRIEND to her, you are NO FRIEND to her marriage. If you want to say I am judging you, then be my guest. I just call them like I see them. If you want to really be her friend, quit f*cking her husband. If you want to truly be her friend, tell him to grow a pair and focus on his marriage instead of how to best get you out of your panties. Either that, or give up your friendship with the wife, and keep on doing what you are doing. But to try to have it both ways just makes you appear mercenary and devious beyond the norm. It is not the affair in your story that has people reacting, it is the claim of friendship to the wife.
her_halo_slipped Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 This is just a physical thing right? I hope my story made a little bit of sense! lol. Er No it isn't. But I suspect you already know that right?
her_halo_slipped Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Ms.AngelEyes, It is not the affair in your story that has people reacting, it is the claim of friendship to the wife. That and giving the W tips on how to do oral. With herown H no less.That just bewilders me:confused: What makes you such an expert anyway and her not? Oh I get it. The H said so:rolleyes:. Leave the poor wife alone. Leave her H alone and move on to someone who is able to satisfy your sexual needs who won't bring two families crashing down with you. I'm sorry you don't want to hear it but I do agree with the OP's. This can only end and end badly. Don't have that on your conscience.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 If your daughter was older and married and you knew her neighbor was banging her husband, how would you feel? Would you buy the line "it's just physical"?? What do you think your daughter is going to think of you when she finds out you've been banging her friend's daddy? Is that being a good role model? I think not.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 one of the many affairs my dad had was with my best friends mom..it ruined our 7 yr friendship...we grew up together along with all of the other kids in our close knit community...when dday came, everyone in our town knew...even the lady who cut my hair.:o:o I am going to judge you. Why? because you put it out there, and I feel like you need to know..that your children wont ever heal from this...once it all comes out (which it will) they won't look at you the same. and their friends..thats the worst part! they won't want anything to do with your kids because guess what?? YOU can't be trusted! I know..so please listen to me! you have no idea what this is going to do...and the fact that your doing it all for sex????? INCREDIBLE! I don't know what you want to hear exactly...but I hope you get out of this mess soon.
Confused4Now Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) I am going to judge you. Why? because you put it out there, and I feel like you need to know..that your children wont ever heal from this...once it all comes out (which it will) they won't look at you the same. and their friends..thats the worst part! they won't want anything to do with your kids because guess what?? YOU can't be trusted! I know..so please listen to me! you have no idea what this is going to do...and the fact that your doing it all for sex????? INCREDIBLE! I don't know what you want to hear exactly...but I hope you get out of this mess soon.YOU have no right to JUDGE....there is only one person who can. Unless you have walked in someones shoes then you don't know. "Romans 14:4 (NIV). Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand....... Thoughts on This Verse... Paul is talking about passing judgment on folks in matters that are central to our faith. He reminds us whose job it is to judge these sorts of matters. He also reminds us that the person we are judging actually belongs to the Lord and what right do we have to pass judgment on that person. So often we can find fault with others, pass judgment on them about some inconsequential matter, but then never deal with the blatant sin in our own life. Let's remember that we will answer to God for what we do every bit as much as someone we are wrongly passing judgment upon." Edited April 19, 2010 by Confused4Now
BlueeyedJonesy Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I have every right to judge...and God has nothing to do with this.
2sure Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 It sounds like you are personally comfortable at this time in your life with dating/seeing/banging married men. My personal experience is that this is not a good way to live, but thats something you have to learn on your own sometimes. But...banging the MM who lives across the street, who is married to your friend, who invites you to her house, whose children yours play with... Is a really bad and probably stupid thing to be doing to yourself and your kids.
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