dstar10 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Was single pretty much for the last 3 years after splitting with my ex of 3 yrs. Seen girls in that time obviously but a month ago I actually met someone that I really found attractive and connected with., laughing all the time. Over the last month we have spent so much time together, meals, her place, shopping etc. She organised going out with her sister and her husband and apparently for her that is a massive deal as she never done that with guys she has seen before, as well as seeing me on week nights which apparently is also a thing she had never done before. Sex was great as well, she would surprise me with dressing up, even got a few BJ's whilst driving! Saturday just gone though we were together all day then just randomly decided to go out and drink a lot, went back to hers and started to have some fun, then I had a bit of alcohol related problems in the downstairs department but she was fine with that, went outside for a cigarette. She then asks what do I wanna do, go to bed or stay downstairs, I was like I really don't mind, I was really drunk and was starting to get to room spinning stage. She took my don't mind answer as a massive insult and was like u wanna go to bed rather than pleasure me, but I just felt so embarassed as it wasn't working down there and that's the first time it's happened to me. Left hers on Sunday and things didn't feel right, get a text Sunday night saying she doesn't know whether things will work between us which really shocked me after all we have said to each other. Then she text me Monday morning saying she will call me after work which she never did. Defo not going to keep texting, been there done that when I was younger so I have learned along the way. If we weren't seeing each other then we'd be on the phone for 2 hours and iv never been into that. But I guess if saturday night was all it took for her to want to end it I might have had a lucky escape, as it seems she is not even prepared to talk properly about it. Last Friday she really opened up to me and I know she has struggled with insecurities and confidence issues which is crazy as she is beautiful, but this has really ****ed my head up and really don't know what to do now. My head says just leave it with her I guess. Sorry for the length just had to get this out as it's all I'm thinking about and other perspective would be appreciated, thanks.
Fouts Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I think I can make sense of what you wrote. It sounds like she's a bit insecure if all it took was not screwing her on a Saturday night to want to end the relationship. If that's the case, I think you hit the nail on the head with the confidence. Maybe she was a late bloomer looks wise and still carries that insecurity around. She takes it if you don't want to sleep with her every night that you aren't attracted to her and don't love her. It sounds strange, but there's people out there with thought processes like that.
Author dstar10 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Yeah sex did seem very important to her in the relationship. Fun at first obviously but then it sort of loses it's romance if that is all she wants. But we did do relationship things, it wasn't just physical. I just don't get how things can go from being amazing to saying things won't work after one night where we were both drunk.
Fouts Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 If you like her, reassure her how attractive you find her, how amazing the sex is. Rebuild her ego a bit if that's what it takes and let her know that you love other things about her outside of the bedroom too. If that's not it, then she's probably just shallow and obsessive, not a good find for an LTR.
Author dstar10 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 That's the thing, I definitely let her know how attractive I found her, so i'm thinking her insecurities and self confidence have got the better of her. I would have wished we could have just talked it all through rather than her just texting me saying it wouldn't work but I don't want to appear desperate or needy. Maybe she is the type of girl due to previous issues that would rather cut someone off rather than risk being hurt, but then why so happily get involved in a relationship and want to see me all the time?
EthanH Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 She seems insecure. But the thing is, why don't you just speak to her about it? You say you like her, but don't want to have a phone call with her? You are both adults, you should be able to sit down and speak to each other about it. She should understand that if you were drunk, you were going to have issues... (I mean, how old is she exactly?!)...and you should just tell her how attractive you find her. It's not complicated. To me it seems like you are both hiding your feelings and thus are acting on some kind of warped assumption on what each other thinks. If she breaks up with you in the future then fine (you cannot be in any relationship and be sure it will last, in my opinion)...but at least you know you have given it a go to see...
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