Chrome Barracuda Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Hood terminology: Take the L = Take the loss.
Lovelybird Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 If you are so in "love" with the lier, then you are attracted to a male siren. you know what fate would be to those who are attracted to siren, do you?
her_halo_slipped Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 can somebody please knock some sense into me... KNOCK KNOCK...... Here is a short sharp blow to the side of your skull with the commonsense stick. Let's hope you get it. He is a liar and a cheat and you will do well to be rid of him regardless of whether you love him or not.
her_halo_slipped Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 it is about why do i want to tell h and cause him pain if he does not need to suffer???...i can see how one can read this to be self-serving on my part...but i will go away and think about this and look at all of the motivations behind everything... thank you for your replies...xxx As for telling your husband I tend to favour your initial approach...that it would only serve to hurt him and cause him distress that so far he doesn't need. You made a mistake. If you can rectify this and move on and NEVER look back then why cause your H pain he can well do without? Keep the A a secret, learn from this experience (mistake) and move forward. Deal with the fallout if and when your lying cheating selfish MM tells. Not everyone is 100% honest and upfront ALL of the time. This may be one non truth you let go to the keeper?
Owl Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 i have thought about telling my husband about it...but then i have realised that this is a selfish act on my part, because i would really be doing it to either take the power from the om...because if my husband already knew then there would be nothing gained from the om telling him...and the other reason would be that it would pretty much enforce nc...but this is really just selfish reasoning...at least to my mind... It doesn't matter WHY you tell your H... It's the GOOD that will actually come from it that matters. You're focused on the pain this would create for your H, but you're not realizing that the damage is already done...he just isn't aware of it yet. Telling him balances the power out...it takes it away from OM...AND IT TAKES SOME AWAY FROM YOU AS WELL...and it GIVES it to your husband, who has really been the one lacking it all along here. It gives your H the POWER to make the choice to forgive you and reconcile the marriage, or the POWER to walk away if that's what he chooses to do. Choosing not to tell is the selfish choice...it's keeping that power FROM your H, and completely in your control. If you want to end the affair...tell your H, and ask for his help in doing so.
Passion4Life Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 As for telling your husband I tend to favour your initial approach...that it would only serve to hurt him and cause him distress that so far he doesn't need. You made a mistake. If you can rectify this and move on and NEVER look back then why cause your H pain he can well do without? Keep the A a secret, learn from this experience (mistake) and move forward. Deal with the fallout if and when your lying cheating selfish MM tells. Not everyone is 100% honest and upfront ALL of the time. This may be one non truth you let go to the keeper? As op said there is a possibility that the other man can disclose the affair to her husband , I think it is better that op's husband knows this from his wife rather the OM who might want to reveal every details to upset the husband more . Best of luck
2sure Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 This guy and his outrageous lies are unbelievable. So far fetched and unbelievable that I really have a hard time believing anyone could be victim to them. I mean, , at what point do you ask yourself who is to blame for listening to such complete nonsense? A japanese wrestler, airborn, etc etc. As to the possibility of this person telling your H....if your H hears of any of the other scenes this man has made up...he wont believe anything he says. Just tell people he is crazy, THAT they'll believe. Then take a good long look at yourself and figure out who you want to be .
herenow Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 i so i entered an into an affair about 2 1/2 years ago...when we met i told him that i was married and that i was not looking for any complications...well what i ended up getting was far more than complications...i've never been on such an emotional roller-coaster in my entire life... (QUOTE] What you got was what you agreed on. He knows that you are a MW who is cheating on her H. That tells him you are OK with lies. You told him you dont want any complications. Perfect for him. He can tell you whatever he wants and do whatever he wants. Again, your fine telling lies to the man you are married to. Why is it so wrong when the man you are seeing on the side lies to you? Until you are ready to be honest, how can you place blame on him for lies he told? If your were so concerned with his lies, why did you continue the affair when you found out he was married? Again, it tells him you are OK with the lies. I too feel for your H. He should know the truth so that he can decide if he wants to stay married to a liar. You at least owe him that choice. You are able to make the choice to continue your affair knowing that the man is a liar. Not an option for your H until you tell him the truth.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 If I were you I would tell because the guilt will bubble up anyways. You cannot keep this a secret esp if the om is threatening to tell, he has nothing to lose.
jthorne Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I don't think the OM will tell... just more lies and manipulation on his part.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Whether or not the om will tell, the WS is holding the truth hostage so she can avoid the consequences of her actions. oh btw, you are not a BS, your husband is.
herenow Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I don't think the OM will tell... just more lies and manipulation on his part. I agree. This guy has other women. Why would he want to complicate his life by telling her H? He is a single guy who probably doesn't want anyone getting in the way of the action he gets. Aren't the lies she is telling her H just as bad? As far as we know, he is the only one not lying, so he really does deserve the truth. IMO
herenow Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Whether or not the om will tell, the WS is holding the truth hostage so she can avoid the consequences of her actions. oh btw, you are not a BS, your husband is. Yup, so true. Unless her H is having an affair, she isn't a BS. She is a WS.
jthorne Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 All I was saying is that she shouldn't fess up just to beat the guy to the punch. She should do it because she feels it is the right thing to do. But what would she confess to? She HAD an affair, or she's HAVING an affair? I'm not sure she's even decided that yet.
herenow Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 All I was saying is that she shouldn't fess up just to beat the guy to the punch. She should do it because she feels it is the right thing to do. But what would she confess to? She HAD an affair, or she's HAVING an affair? I'm not sure she's even decided that yet. Good points all around.
Author quackquackhen Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 i am not trying to avoid telling my h because i do not wish to suffer the fallout...i just do not wish to cause him the pain of knowing that i have been dishonest... hhl...thank you for the sharp hit on the side of the head...i'm needing it... 2sure...this business of falling for the lies...i knew they were lies...some immediately, others became obvious...this is an issue that i am dealing with in therapy with regard to my father being a compulsive liar...i think i may have mentioned that whole freudian thing earlier... dot...i know this...i guess when i started my post i was not familiar with all of the shortcuts and it would have been better titled mow discovers oooooooooow... herenow...i had not considered the point that by living a lie gave the om permission to lie...i mean i think he is a compulsive liar anyway...but yes, i was subliminally giving him permission to lie simply by the fact that i am married... jt...i think that you may be right on the threat being just that...as to the situation now...i have told om that it is over...i am just trying to get through the nc... owl...i do hear what you and the other posters are saying on here...i am still really unsure about telling h...but i am discussing this with my therapist next week... once again, thank you for your replies...xxx
Recommended Posts