lovemenace Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I posted on here maybe 2 wks ago, but anyways, me and my ex broke up after 1.5 years of off and on, she said we were to toxic, which is true, our fuse got way to short, anyway, I went NC for 8 days, lol, then i broke down and texted her, went a couple more days of NC and asked her to hang out this weekend, she was going out of town, she stopped replying to simple texts so i called to simply leave a vmail and tell her to have a good weekend. She answered, which i even told her i was expecting to leave a msg, and she said she thought about not answering, but SHE had a choice and chose to, we talked for almost an hour while she was driving down, at first about us, than it progressed to a conversation, which made me feel great, because we were talking like we did when we first started + the inside jokes that we share. We didnt make a definite to see each other but IF we do what would you all suggest on the initial contact post breakup.
keith_m Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I have met mine now around five times. Please be careful. My experience has proved to me that any talk about the way that things broke up and how to reconcile is not a good idea- unless you fell that your ex will entertain that conversation. I have made the usual 'mistakes' the first time and I got no where but hurt. We too share in our conversations the funny things that we remember, but I the dumpee, have a habit of going to the 'why can't we make things up' routine. I have had one good meeting that allowed that type of conversation- but I don't want to repeat it. The ball is securely in her court just now- and I have to respect that- or she will further lose respect for me which I can't allow. We are having another meeting on Tuesday and she says that she is looking forward to it. I intend to put on a good performance that she will remember. This is key btw. Toxic or not- you both probably have high feelings and on this first meeting- you must at all costs- play it cool. Don't make this your last meeting- ie do not put her of you. If things go well, you will probably have another meeting- which is what I assume you want. So curb your emotions. Beware all the time of alcohol- just watch yourself. From what I understand- women certainly do not want a guy that lets his heartfelt emotions out all through things. If you get a sign that she is willing to go there- you have an opertunity- but keep it brief. Best of luck guy- and don't down things by beleiving that you and her were toxic. Keith
Chochobong Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Look for consistency in her speech and actions over days and weeks. One day/night means nothing if she's been wishy-washy with you about her feelings. Ex-wife and I went out and had great meal with discussion and agreement of reconciling with each other. 2 days later she was back to her old ways of giving me mixed signals of whether she wanted to be with me.
EthanH Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I just had this. And I messed it up massively. So I guess I can give you some advice. It is a very tricky balance you have to get. On one hand, you certainly don't want to play the role of the guy who is desperate to get back with her. That isn't attractive. But at the same time, you have to make sure you don't come over as a friend. You don't come over as someone who she can be close to, but someone she doesn't have the urge to be in a relationship with. So it is a difficult balance. The thing is that it is difficult not to slip into your old ways. Have a look at my recent post to see what not to do. I began believing to early that we would get back together, and I realise now, that was a bad thing to do. She told me she had slept with another guy, just before we were about to sleep together again, and then told me she loved me, and that she has never meant anything more. I believed her. But I thought it meant she wanted to get back with me. I have realised that there is a big difference between someone saying they still care about you, and them saying they want to get back with you. There is a big difference. And you need to make sure you don't jump the gun. Don't be awkward, remember who this person is, if you are awkward she will pick up on it and think something has changed...but at the same time don't just fall back into the way you used to be with her. Be confident. Don't seem down. Let her fall for you again. You don't want her to feel sorry for you. You want her to want you. The in-jokes you have are good, but don't make her just feel like she has gone back in time to how you used to be, she will get scared of going back to how it was...make sure it is fresh... Show her you care, but don't be too intense.
monkeymaid Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 heres a short scene frm a good move Hi. What were you thinking about? You. Where you gonna put your hands? No good. Don't touch your tie. Look at me. You need to answer my question. Where do you look? No. Look down, they know you're lying. Up, and you don't know the truth. Don't use seyen words if four will do. Be specific, but not memorable. Be funny, but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you, then forget you once you leave. And, for God's sake, whatever you do, don't-- " just remember ...no pressure and enjoy yourself. easy does it. and make sure you are having fun. if you arelosing the fun factor, switch something and make it fun!!!
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