soup Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I met a girl I find amazing - very nice to look at and full of energy and fun to talk to but a bit reticent about a lot of things. We slept together but didn't have full sex although it was obviously on offer. I dunno why, I wanted to wait because I felt something for her more than lust. We've just been on a couple dates. I am in my 30s, pretty experienced, I'm not an obsessive weirdo but somehow I find myself having that teenage "butterflies" feeling about her, find it hard to eat, thinking about her. This is an exciting thing but difficult too. The other day when we were talking I said, in a very careful non-creepy way that I just wanted to figure out what we're doing, because I like her and I'm hoping it could lead to something. She told me she's seeing other guys and she's just not the kind of person who wants to have a one-on-one relationship. She saw I was upset and she was obviously really sorry, and I see that she never deceived me or tried to trick me about it so I'm the one who played myself really. I get the feeling sex is still on offer and I'm tempted but I think it might make me upset. And I might be trying to "convince" her that I'm worth it when she is unconvincable. I know.... plenty more fish in the sea but I didn't have this butterflies feeling for over 10 years. So strong. Just can't stop thinking about her even though I know she's with someone else today having sex. I don't think it's wrong to be hedonistic like she is, but I want her for myself Obviously I'm out of my mind, what do you think?
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 At least she was honest with you up-front: she doesn't want an exclusive relationship. You have two strategies: a)Continue dating her, hope that she gets attached to you and want to be exclusive, or b)Accept what she says and give up on the idea of a potential relationship. The first strategy could turn out to be a huge waste of time and you could end up heartbroken, while the second strategy is equivalent to just giving up. If I were you, I'd probably go with the former, since she was fairly clear about not wanting a relationship.
RainDown Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I don't think you're out of your mind, but I do think you're barking up the wrong tree. I say that because I am that woman too, and have been for at least the last decade. I am 100% honest about it upfront as well - I am not interested in being in a one-on-one relationship situation. Some people believe they can "change my mind" if they hang on long enough, and that does not turn out well for them. I would believe her - as it stands now, she doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship with you. If you can enjoy her on that basis, all is well. If your agenda is to have her all to yourself, she's already telling you you're taking up a losing battle.
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