confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 After about 5 months of dating my current boyfriend I finally decided it's time to end things. The hard thing about it is he's really good to me. He cares, he's a gentleman, similar goals in life, etc, etc. And while I really like him, he just doesn't turn me on. As a matter of fact, lately whenever he mentions sleeping over at my house or his, I rack my brain for any excuse to avoid the "sleep-over". In other words, somehow or another he has permanently fallen into the friend zone... Well, lately I've been much busier than I've ever been. I work 2 jobs and I also go to college. So we haven't really been seeing or hearing much of each other lately. Nevertheless, he seems to have stronger feelings for me than ever and I kinda was hoping his feelings would wane but they haven't. He's already making plans for my birthday next month! Like I said, he's so good to me, but I just don't have those same loving feelings... What's the easiest and gentlest way to break things off?
USMCHokie Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 What's the easiest and gentlest way to break things off? Stop worrying about gentle. Just be honest and straightforward. Tell him exactly what you just said in your post above. It'll make things a lot easier.
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Stop worrying about gentle. Just be honest and straightforward. Tell him exactly what you just said in your post above. It'll make things a lot easier. Tell him I don't feel the same way about him? Or tell him I see him as just a friend?
USMCHokie Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Tell him I don't feel the same way about him? It's as simple as that. The more bullsh*t you feed him to try to be "gentle," the more complicated you end up making it in the end.
skydiveaddict Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Another "nice guy" circling the drain, go figure
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Another "nice guy" circling the drain, go figure It's not just that he's a nice guy, I like that about him. I just made a mistake in pursuing the relationship in the first place. When I first met him, I thought he'd make a great friend...
USMCHokie Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Another "nice guy" circling the drain, go figure Refer to bolded passage below: Well, lately I've been much busier than I've ever been. I work 2 jobs and I also go to college. Need I say more...?
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Refer to bolded passage below: Need I say more...? Uh, I'm not totally sure I understand what you were trying to point out...
skydiveaddict Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Uh, I'm not totally sure I understand what you were trying to point out... he was talking to me
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Nope say no more. I agree Say no more about what??
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 he was talking to me I see, okay...
Toki Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 letting them down gently can sometimes give people the impression that it's more about you rather than him, so he'll hold onto the hope that someday you can get back together, he might go stalkerish, etc. No need to be malicious about the reasons why you're breaking up, but being straightforward and honest generally tends to make the process go by much quicker, and in the long run, less painfully for him.
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 letting them down gently can sometimes give people the impression that it's more about you rather than him, so he'll hold onto the hope that someday you can get back together, he might go stalkerish, etc. No need to be malicious about the reasons why you're breaking up, but being straightforward and honest generally tends to make the process go by much quicker, and in the long run, less painfully for him. What if I approached it like, "let's take a break" and then just left it at that. Would that be wrong of me?
skydiveaddict Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Believe me we both understand your situation.
skydiveaddict Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 What if I approached it like, "let's take a break" and then just left it at that. Would that be wrong of me? yes that would be wrong. if you're gonna dump him do it
Toki Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 What if I approached it like, "let's take a break" and then just left it at that. Would that be wrong of me? Well, it's still giving him the impression that there's hope. I know you want to be nice about it, but when you're going to dump someone or cut off the relationship there's no nice way of putting it. It's gonna suck for him for awhile if you end things without being "nice" about it, but you'll both get over it MUCH quicker, and without nearly as many hard feelings, opposed to you dragging him along and saying "lets take a break" or "I just want to be friends" etc.
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Well, it's still giving him the impression that there's hope. I know you want to be nice about it, but when you're going to dump someone or cut off the relationship there's no nice way of putting it. It's gonna suck for him for awhile if you end things without being "nice" about it, but you'll both get over it MUCH quicker, and without nearly as many hard feelings, opposed to you dragging him along and saying "lets take a break" or "I just want to be friends" etc. Ugh, you're right but it really sucks to be on this end of things. I had a little tint of hope that he would see things fading away and would just decide to break things off himself but all that's happening is all these fun new things he's planning and wants to do together. It's like I get to his house after a long week and he's thinking we're gonna spend the rest of the day together and have lots of fun and sex and instead I say, "let's go for a walk..." *sigh* makes me feel like such an awful person.
Toki Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 It is what it is. Attraction is a big issue to get over, and sometimes you just can't manage it despite your best efforts. There's nothing wrong, or weird about breaking off the relationship if it's based on avoidance.
USMCHokie Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 What if I approached it like, "let's take a break" and then just left it at that. Would that be wrong of me? Gah, if you did this, I would have to reach across the internet and slap you in the face with a boat paddle. Just rip the bandaid off for gosh sakes...you've been leading this guy on for long enough...it's obvious you dropped the pack long ago, so just end it...the longer you keep this charade going on, the worse the guy will hurt... The best way to be compassionate is to break up with him.
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Gah, if you did this, I would have to reach across the internet and slap you in the face with a boat paddle. lol Just rip the bandaid off for gosh sakes...you've been leading this guy on for long enough...it's obvious you dropped the pack long ago, so just end it...the longer you keep this charade going on, the worse the guy will hurt... Okay, well what about over the phone? Um, bad question?
USMCHokie Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Okay, well what about over the phone? Um, bad question? After dating for 5 months...? No. This should be done in person. You should give him at least that much.
USMCHokie Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 What I am feeling is that this might not be the first time it has happened to you. Am I right? Even if it is the first time that you feel so confused in such a situation, I am afraid it may happen again in the future. You are trying to bank too much on 'romance'. And that is such a transient feeling. Statistics say, fifty percent of such relationships see the same end. OP is in college and still young. It's in this stage of her life where it's natural that she doesn't know what the hell she wants...hence the string of 5-6 month relationships that end as you have pointed out... It's all just part of growing up...
Author confusedmuch Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 After dating for 5 months...? No. This should be done in person. You should give him at least that much. Okay. I really appreciate everyone's input. I'm gonna be strong and rip off the bandaid...
BobSacamento Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Listen I've got good news and bad news. First the bad news...it's over. The good news? I just saved 15% by switching to Geico.
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