LosingBattle Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Ok, I broke up with my boyfriend for good today. We'd argued a couple days ago, I told him if he broke up with me again ('cause he had a habit of breaking up with me, then making up), it'd be THE END, the definite end. He said "Fine by me, I can't be with someone like you". He must've thought I didn't really mean it, since I always come back to him, because he started talking to me again telling me we could make it work, etc. I told him I still love him but I feel like it's not right for us. He insists it is, that he loves me so much, that I'm the love of his life, that I'm ideal, that he thinks of me as a wife rather than a girlfriend, that he can overcome every issue he has with me and make it work, that he's such a fool and doesn't want to lose me, that I'm his everything, etc. I just told him this time I just don't feel the same as before, that I'm afraid and that I don't think we'll ever make it work. He said he'll love me forever. He must be devastated now. I can't stop crying, partly because of the break up itself and I'll miss him, but mostly because I'm just so sad to have had to break his heart like this! I don't want him to suffer over me. I know a lot of how I feel about him now is due to his own mistakes, but I still don't want him to be miserable over me, I don't want him to think life will end without me. How can I feel better and be more cold about this and just ignore how he must be feeling? I feel like crap that he's feeling like crap! Should I call his friends and tell them to support him? He's in denial so he hasn't told anyone and he's the master of bottling his feelings up. I'm concerned.
LK30 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Hey, This is EXACTLY what i went thru 2 months ago with my gf! I was very indecisive about her and I think I believed she would always take me back but this time she said no! Said she couldnt handle the thought of being anxious when the next time would be that I had doubts. So, to answer your question.... don't feel sorry for him, because me and him both made big mistakes and it backfired on us! I doubt my ex ever thinks of me, and is probably high 5'ing her mates she got away, so you should too. You seem nice, and it's nice to know you care about his feelings. :-)
skydiveaddict Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I dont think there is much you can do to ease his pain. He's learning a valuable but painful lesson from all this. Hell, in the long run you might actually be doing him a kindness
Lost Fish Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 (edited) Listen. You are not responsible for his feelings. I will say that again: You are not responsible for his feelings. The whole break-up / get-back-together routine seems very manipulative. It reads to me that he manipulates you with these ultimatums and you play into it and feel personally responsible for his moods and happiness. That's BS and not a relationship. It's a sure sign of codependence and an addictive personality. Go back to your original intentions and that feeling that it just doesn't feel right anymore. Your gut is telling you the truth. A healthy relationship is one where we can be free to be ourselves and share our happiness with another. Not one where our well being and happiness is dependent on the presence and emotional draining of our significant other. He will get better and move on. Hopefully this will help him grow and find some gumption to work on himself and do things for himself. As it should be for you. Right now you need to focus on yourself. Don't waffle and get back with him. Don't call his friends. Don't check in to see how he's doing every few days/weeks...etc. He isn't your job. Work on you. Take care of yourself. The best thing you can do for him is give him closure (if he needs it) and then go completely no contact. If you want maybe send him a brief note saying you hope he can move forward and that you are trying to do the same. Firmly tell him that any contact right now is a bad idea and will prevent both of you from healing. Then follow it. I realize this my words sound harsh but your post screams at me of a manipulative boyfriend and an enabling girlfriend. Be true to yourself for once dear Losing Battle. It will get better. Edited April 18, 2010 by Lost Fish wording
lsb Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I had a similar issue to deal with. I basically just told myself he is not my problem. His behaviors are his own.
EthanH Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I think I am in exactly the same situation as he is (although i never broke up with my ex) ...I doubted how things were, but i never wanted to end it ultimately, and then she did. We got back together unofficially (check out my recent post) and now we are apart again and it hurts more than ever. If you want to speak about it more add me on skype "ethanhurlington"...Think it would be good for both of us to talk about it...
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