drfunnybone Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 OK so I met this girl a couple weeks ago and we had a great time together. The night before last night we ran into each other again and really hit it off. She wound up sleeping over, don't want to say much more out of respect for her. It was a great night. In the morning she asked that I call her and take her to dinner. Sounds great right? Here's where I think i screwed up. I went to happy hour yesterday with my friends and there was allot of drinking. I wound up calling her and texting her a bunch of times to see what she was up too. My friends kept making me contact her I think they were even teasing me by screwing with my phone and sending her messages. Funny right? Well, later that night she texted me back and said she just picked up her phone and was busy for the weekend, that her father was in town visiting. I'm not sure if that sounds good. it almost sounds like if a girl was to say I'll be busy this weekend I'm blow drying my hair. Normaly I don't contact a girl that much but I was pretty much blacked out. She's kind of a party girl and works in a bar and is in a sorority so i think she would understand but I'm afraid I may have made her think twice. I sent her a text message saying I was sorry I blew her phone up so much, I was in rare form at happy hour and to have a great weekend with her father. Probably not much more I can do right? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? I'm so disappointed in myself. Now what? just wait it out? anything else I can do? maybe call her a gain in a week if i don't here from her? or just chalk it up as a loss?
marsle85 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 You made her feel like a joke. She probably is a little nervous that she had a ONS with you, which is why she wanted you to call/take her to dinner. Then, the next time you contact her - you're with your friends and are drunk. She probably feels like you only wanted a hook up, told your boys about it, and has her personal life exposed to all of these guys. This was not smooth on your part. A girl wants to feel special and you completely treated her the opposite. Texting her like she's convenient and obtainable, not to mention the way your friends behaved... convinces me that it is ALWAYS better for a woman to wait to have sex with a guy. Jeesh, poor girl.
Rorschach Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 You made her feel like a joke. She probably is a little nervous that she had a ONS with you, which is why she wanted you to call/take her to dinner. Then, the next time you contact her - you're with your friends and are drunk. She probably feels like you only wanted a hook up, told your boys about it, and has her personal life exposed to all of these guys. This was not smooth on your part. A girl wants to feel special and you completely treated her the opposite. Texting her like she's convenient and obtainable, not to mention the way your friends behaved... convinces me that it is ALWAYS better for a woman to wait to have sex with a guy. Jeesh, poor girl. agreed, you screwed the pooch on this one, in more ways than one.
marsle85 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 agreed, you screwed the pooch on this one, in more ways than one. Slowly but surely we will conquer all of these threads!
Rorschach Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Slowly but surely we will conquer all of these threads! Great, after that I'll drive down to NY and we can conquer the state too. Do you prefer the term queen or grand empress of new york?
Author drfunnybone Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 (edited) I understand what you guys are saying, yet I didn't go telling people about what happened with me and her. Anyways, this is not normal behavior for me so please don't make me feel worse then I already do. If you guys want to talk about what could be done to remedy the situation that would be great. I'd like to think that something like more then one phone call or text the next day wouldn't completley destroy something. I didn't want to look anxious by calling the next day but I didn't want her to feel used and wait to call later. Anyways I drank and called simply to see what she was up to and see if she wanted to meet us out only I was inebriated and used poor judgment and kept calling. maybe I ruined it, I'm not sure. Edited April 17, 2010 by drfunnybone
marsle85 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I understand what you guys are saying, yet I didn't go telling people about what happened with me and her. Anyways, this is not normal behavior for me so please don't make me feel worse then I already do. If you guys want to talk about what could be done to remedy the situation that would be great. I'd like to think that something like more then one phone call or text the next day wouldn't completley destroy something. I didn't want to look anxious by calling the next day but I didn't want her to feel used and wait to call later. Anyways I drank and called simply to see what she was up to and see if she wanted to meet us out only I was inebriated and used poor judgment and kept calling. maybe I ruined it, I'm not sure. Well this is refreshing. I may have a bias for over the top romantic gestures buttt, they work. I say get the girl some flowers (nothing elaborate or expensive- we're going for gesture, not anything crazy) and briefly tell her you're sorry for your drunk call and your friends' behavior. Do not mention anything about seeing her again, this shouldn't be sent because you want to date her. You should be sending her this because it was rude and disrespectful. And ANYONE telling you that you can't get the girl flowers because you don't know her well enough- doesn't know what they're talking about. If you know her well enough to have sex with her, you know her well enough to righfully apologize and get her a little "i'm sorry" gift.
D-Lish Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I'm going to say the opposite about the flowers... If this happened to me, and I was a little put off, the flowers wouldn't make anything better, but it could make things worse. It depends why she was upset. Was she upset that you were supposed to do dinner and you went out to happy hour instead (like she felt blown off?) Was she put off by the amount of calls and texts- like you were coming on too strong? If it's the later, sending flowers will make things worse. I think you did the right thing by apologizing and then went on to tell her to have a good weekend with her dad. Maybe check in with her Sunday and see how her visit went. If she responds, then set up another date.
Author drfunnybone Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 (edited) hmmm two very interesting perspectives. I wouldn't even know where to send her flowers and I am finding it hard not to think that may be too much. Maybe she would like that but it seems like a risk no? No we didn't have dinner plans yet. I'm not even sure if she is bothered by the situation but when she tells me she is busy for the weekend because her father is visiting it seems like there might be more to it. Edited April 17, 2010 by drfunnybone
marsle85 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Actually, I just got out of the shower and reevaluated what I told you. Don't send flowers. I put myself in her shoes and the flowers are a little over the top. An apology (regardless of whether she wants to see you or not) is absolutely due, however. A nice apology. Just make it up to her. Communicate you'd like to make it up to her.
D-Lish Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 hmmm two very interesting perspectives. I wouldn't even know where to send her flowers and I am finding it hard not to think that may be too much. No we didn't have dinner plans yet. I'm not even sure if she is bothered by the situation but when she tells me she is busy for the weekend because her father is visiting it seems like there might be more to it. Maybe- but maybe not. That is why you should shoot her a text on Sunday to see how her visit went, if you seem to get a positive response, try and suggest another date. How many texts were sent out to her? Did you go back and read what was said? Was any of it suggestive or inappropriate? I think your best course of action is to wait a couple days before checking in. If you don't get a positive response at that point- then just live and learn for the next time.
Author drfunnybone Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 How many texts were sent out to her? Did you go back and read what was said? Was any of it suggestive or inappropriate? More then a handful of times I am embaressed to say. I don't even remember calling her or texting her more then once but apparently I did. I was in very rare form I think I must have erased the texts but I can see on my phone providers website how many times just not what they said. I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything innapropriate, it's not usualy in my nature to talk to women that way.
Author drfunnybone Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 (edited) An apology (regardless of whether she wants to see you or not) is absolutely due, however. A nice apology. Just make it up to her. Communicate you'd like to make it up to her. I think your right, I guess maybe another text message but they only can be 160 charecters long, what should i say? Edited April 18, 2010 by drfunnybone
D-Lish Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I think your right, I guess maybe another text message but they only can be 160 charecters long, what should i say? You already apologized, right?...No need to go overboard with another! You acknowledged it, apologized- now let her process it. You don't even know if she is actually pissed off or not. This is why I suggest giving her a couple of days to have her visit with her dad and then check in Sunday. You only had one date, so 2 or 3 apologies won't change how she feels. If you over-contacted her the other night, then you go on to send another apology or explanation on top of the one you already sent, she will probably think "geez, this guy is a little much"... Over-explaining isn't going to fix this. A little space after going overboard might give her a chance to cool off.
SilentVoice Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 No words of advice .... But don't cell phones need a drunk decipher... it will save many peoples asses
Author drfunnybone Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Over-explaining isn't going to fix this. A little space after going overboard might give her a chance to cool off. ok No words of advice .... But don't cell phones need a drunk decipher... it will save many peoples asses lol
D-Lish Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 What you can do is delete her number from your phone so you won't be tempted. Write it down and leave it at home when you go out drinking. You only answered "ok" to my suggestion- it's alright if you don't agree with me. You've got one woman suggesting you send flowers and send another apology, and another woman (me) suggesting you give her a bit of space. Ultimately, it's up to you how you handle this. Regardless, just know what's done is done- you can't change it, so don't stress over it. In the beginning, it's tough- the smallest incident can change things. Had this happened at 3 months I'd have completely different advice for you.
Author drfunnybone Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 (edited) What you can do is delete her number from your phone so you won't be tempted. Write it down and leave it at home when you go out drinking. You only answered "ok" to my suggestion- it's alright if you don't agree with me. You've got one woman suggesting you send flowers and send another apology, and another woman (me) suggesting you give her a bit of space. Ultimately, it's up to you how you handle this. Regardless, just know what's done is done- you can't change it, so don't stress over it. In the beginning, it's tough- the smallest incident can change things. Had this happened at 3 months I'd have completely different advice for you. number deleted, I'm just gonna give her some space and then after that maybe a short and sweet apology if it feels necesary. Either this will blow over or she is perfect and has never drunk dialed before, what's done is done. I'm just really disapointed in myself. Edited April 18, 2010 by drfunnybone
Author drfunnybone Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 (edited) well its late saturday night just got home from a night out and now I am beating myself up over this stupid situation. Hopefully I didn't screw this up. anyone out there have any experience with this? How did it turn out in the end? i've had some guys tell me i'm making a big deal out of nothing and i never should have apologised. that i'm losing my position in the dynamic and i should just call her in a few days and not mention anything. what do you think about that? Edited April 18, 2010 by drfunnybone
marsle85 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 You've got one woman suggesting you send flowers and send another apology, and another woman (me) suggesting you give her a bit of space It depends on the sort of things that were sent/said. If they were truly offensive, a real apology (even flowers) ARE due. It's not overboard, he OWES her this. It was rude and inconsiderate. But if it was just drunk guys fumbling around and laughing- I think a sincere apology should cut it. No flowers. And depending on how you apologized initially will determine how I think you shoud proceed. Was it genuine? I think your right, I guess maybe another text message but they only can be 160 charecters long, what should i say? See, this is where I'm going to disagree. CALL HER. It's so much more sincere. I wish men would call more. Text messages SIMPLY are not the method of apologizing to someone (regardless of who they are- romantic or platonic). Please. Please. Please don't apologize via text. It does not eliminate the convenience/impersonal factor of your previous inebriated texts.
Author drfunnybone Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 (edited) I think if I apologize again it might make a bigger deal out of things then they are. I just need to get this off my chest. I am so freaking pissed at myself. I am a much better peson then this. It's almost like its not my fault because I hardly even remember calling her but being drunk is no excuse. I have been doing so good in school and my career and I don't behave like this with women. why did this happen with the one I actualy finaly met and like? I'm a pretty picky guy so dating a bunch of differnt women isnt satisfying for me. what an ******* i am. Now I just have to wait it out and suck it up and try to focus on all the crap I have to get done in my lfe while for some reason i can't get this bull**** out of my head. I feel like a little school boy suffering from pathetic love at first sight. I'll probably get to know her and she won't be any of the things I thought she was anyways so **** it and **** me. ok that felt good Edited April 18, 2010 by drfunnybone
Author drfunnybone Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 2 days strong still havent called her
Author drfunnybone Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 ok ran into her at the bar, she said i'm making a bigger deal out of it then it is. (it felt a little awkward though) She said she still wants to go to dinner, she hung with her friends i hung with mine, although she took off without saying goodbye should i ask her to dinner and then if nothing i'm done with it?
tkgirl Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 ok ran into her at the bar, she said i'm making a bigger deal out of it then it is. (it felt a little awkward though) She said she still wants to go to dinner, she hung with her friends i hung with mine, although she took off without saying goodbye should i ask her to dinner and then if nothing i'm done with it? yep.. you are making way too big a deal out of this and you need to stop... what's done is done and the more you stress it the worse it looks to her... let it go. Ask her to dinner and just show her you can treat her with with respect... then go with the flow and have fun!
D-Lish Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 It depends on the sort of things that were sent/said. If they were truly offensive, a real apology (even flowers) ARE due. It's not overboard, he OWES her this. It was rude and inconsiderate. They'd had ONE date- sending flowers would be ridiculous and stupid. If he went overboard with the texting, and she was turned off- sending flowers afterward is entering "weird stalker" territory.
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