mollysally Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 New to this but I need others opinions as I'm going out of my mind. After 8 years of very happy marriage my husband has informed me (last 3 days) that he doesnt love me anymore and wants to end the marriage, we have a daughter 15 yrs old (mine from a previous marriage) who he has treated like his own and been wonderful with her (my other daughter lives with her dad but he loves her too). My husband is a very proud man when it comes to anything financial and last few months he realised that I had been spending a bit too much from joint account but he said he forgave me and things were fine. He earns extremely good money but has a very stressful job and finds debt of any kind unacceptable (i just have a couple of hundred £'s on the credit card but I'm paying that off with my own money) He has said I take him for granted and he feels that he has to be a parent to me as well as I'm quite high maintenance emotionally which I accept. We have a beautiful house and a nice lifestyle which if I'm honest I'm scared of losing (house isin both our names) but my life job and home are where he is. He expects me to move out with my daughter who is in the middle of her gcse's and him to carry on living here. He still is giving me confusing messages because only a few nights ago he cuddled me and we had sex then turns on me the next time saying he wants the marriage to be over. When i questioned him about this he said it was a mistake and it would never happen again (the sex). Can anyone give me their opinion as to what is going through his mind because I really am at a loss. I keep badgering him to tell me if he loves me at all and its sending him further away. Any repiles will be greatly appreciated.
sweethearttx Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 That same thing happened to me. After 8 1/2 years and being happily married my husband just didn't come home one night. And when he did, he said he didn't love me and didn't see me in his life anymore. Was just boom, out of the blue. So I can relate to how you feel. He and I are divorced now. My husband had been in Iraq about 8 months prior, so I attribute it to that. He just change his behavior, he'd say he wanted to work it out then he'd say he didn't. That only went on about 2 months before the marriage was over. After the divorce, and much later, we talked about it. He said he didn't know what was wrong w/ him, he was not in the right state of mind. He still can't explain it. For him, I feel like he just didn't want the responsibilities anymore. He was away from it for over a year w/ the war, and came back and it was too much. He didn't want a wife and a kid anymore, he wanted to live some life he felt like he was missing out on. As a bachelor. Your husband may be feeling the same way. Problems in a marriage are not one-sided, so we women do have to take our share of the blame for issues. I took my share, it sounds like you took yours. But how your husband is acting...well that's not your fault. It's never your fault when someone wants to turn outside the marriage, or leave it, rather than fix the issues with their partner. I would suggest you see if you can get him to go to marriage counseling. Or individual counseling. I tried w/ my husband, he didn't want to go. Ultimately I had to divorce him because he said he didn't want to be with me. And if your husband decides he just doesn't want to be with you, unfortunately there isn't anything you can do. It takes two. I wish I had better words but I just wanted you to know I have been in your shoes and I know exactly what you are going through. And whatever happens, you WILL survive. Do whatever you can to save your marriage, but if your husband continues to turn away from you...well there's not much you can do but just let him go then. Maybe try a separation if he will agree to it, before making any rash decisions. I tried that with my husband but he cheated on me 3 days into the separation! So that was no good!
Author mollysally Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Thank you very much for your reply,my husband and myself are at least talking albeit about mundane stuff but at least he is acknowledging me I just have to try and keep the emotions in tact because he obviously cant cope with anything too heavy at the moment, I have asked him about councelling but he see's that as "there is some hope" and I guess he doesnt want to give me that. I will just have to control myself and see what happens. Thank you again for your kind reply.
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