prach138 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I have been talking to a woman for about 3 months now, she seemed to give all the signs that she was interested in me, body language, eye contact, teasing all that good stuff. We recently hung out and sat at a park, for most of the time we sat very close to each other, so close it would make two people who were just friends feel uncomfortable. After the park we were parting ways, she waiting with me for my bus to come. When it did she came at me for a hug, not a friend hug but the kind when she wraps her arms around your neck and you hold her around her waist. I had to do it. I confessed my self mid-hug. I said "I really like you, a lot." We come out of the hug. "But you don't like me." I admit it, not smooth. My bus pulls up. If I didn't get on I would be late for a class. She says "You're so honest." I told her it was my bus and I had to go and that I would see her later and I left. Once again, not smooth, but I was never the smoothest operator. She texted me and told me we would talk that night. We did but not about anything between us. That's about it. We have seen each other since then but it was in a group setting. I'm very confused, my mind tells me that she's not interested and she's just trying to be a friend to me but my heart won't let go because of the fact that she really seemed to like me. She would make plans and want to meet up a lot and she would call me late in the night, everything seemed so perfect. She was even willing to visit me in my town, (She lives in a large city that I'm 50 minutes outside of.) What do I do? Any advice helps, thanks for reading!
norajane Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Why in the world did you say "but you don't like me"? I don't understand why you're confused. She's been giving you all the signs that she is interested, and she has been making plans to spend time with you, and she has been calling you, and she has been making the trip to visit you. What more do you want her to do to show you that she likes you? At this point, why don't you just ask her out on a date? Why have you been sitting back and waiting for her to make all the plans? Ask to take her to dinner in her city. It's time for you to do something to make her feel special.
Author prach138 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 that was a nervous reaction haha. i haven't really been in the dating game in awhile. but wouldn't you think someone who had a mutual interest would react a little differently? I suppose I did stick my foot in my mouth pretty far when I said "but you don't like me."
norajane Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I have no idea how you're supposed to react to someone who says, "I like you but you don't like me". Just ask her out on a date. You have nothing to lose.
Author prach138 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 i spoke with her just now. she does indeed like me but she doesnt want to wreck our friendship because she says she isn't stable in relationships. she says she hasn't been faithful in any of her past relationships. the way i see it you only live once, i would go for it and i made that clear to her. it's frustrating to know that it could work.
Kaplan Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 she says she hasn't been faithful in any of her past relationships. What the hell are you thinking man! The only thing that she could say that could be worse than that is, "I murdered all of my past boyfriends."
mrt336 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Give it up, any more emotions you waste on her will be for naught.
Bejita463 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 she isn't stable in relationships. she says she hasn't been faithful in any of her past relationships. .
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 If someone said to me "I really like you but you don't like me", I wouldn't know how to react. Even if I liked him, I wouldn't have the nerve to just come out and say "I like you too"... I'd probably just say "Errr...". At the very least, it would make him appear insecure about his own attractiveness. She's been giving you all the signs that she likes you... talking to you, body language, hugs, etc... so why did you assume she doesn't like you? If I were you, I'd simply ask her on a date and see how it goes.
Author prach138 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 So is it agreed that the smartest thing to do would be to let it pass? It may seem obvious to everyone else but I usually don't like giving up on something that has potential to work. Thanks for everyone's input so far.
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 "I don't want to ruin our friendship" usually means "I'm not into you". Just out of curiosity, was this an internet friendship which turned into something more? Was she calling you, making plans to visit, etc, BEFORE she met you in person, and now she's met you in person she has cooled off and doesn't want to "ruin your friendship"? If so, it sounds like she was into you until she met you, but there was no physical attraction when you met, so now she just wants to be friends. It could be worth asking her on a date and making it clear you're interested, just to make sure. If she repeats the stuff about just wanting to be friends, then she's obviously made up her mind and you should drop it.
Author prach138 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 No internet relationship, we met in person. I was in a relationship when I first met her about 8 months back, and I was really trying to impress anyone at that time so I guess you can say she met me without all of the fake courting bull****. At this point she is very clear that I'm interested, maybe I'll give her a bit of time. Let it settle and then ask her out again, to see if she would like to try something?
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 So she had seen you in person to begin with, and obviously liked you because she stayed in touch and made plans to meet you, acted interested, etc. It's safe to say she liked you at some point. In that case, this is one of two scenarios: a)She liked you but she changed her mind... maybe you did something to put her off... this could be fixable. b)She still likes you but worries about her own ability to handle a relationship... maybe she REALLY likes you and doesn't want to screw things up, especially if she's screwed things up before. Imo the best course of action is to make your interest obvious, and stop putting yourself down and saying she doesn't like you (if you say that to her often enough, she'll believe you!). Keep in touch, meet her again, try to arrange a date... if she persists with the friendship line then drop it.
Author prach138 Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Yes I'm very sure it's B. At this point I don't ever tell her she doesn't like me, I actually only did that one due to my unstable nerves. I feel like what you suggested is the best bet, to make it clear I'm still interested. Thanks eeyore
norajane Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 make it clear I'm still interested. But why are you still interested in a woman who has cheated on all her boyfriends? Doesn't that make her less attractive to you? It should! Have you ever had anyone cheat on you? If not, maybe you should read some of the threads in the Cheating section. They explain in great detail the emotional anguish and pain a cheater causes.
Kaplan Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 But why are you still interested in a woman who has cheated on all her boyfriends? Doesn't that make her less attractive to you? It should! My question exactly. I can't understand people like you who think you'll be the first person in history your significant other doesn't cheated on. It's dillusional.
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I don't know if it helps you understand this girl, but here is my story. I have cheated before. I cheated about half a dozen times, on different boyfriends, and on most occasions I dumped my boyfriend to date the guy I was cheating with. In all cases the guy I was with was not right for me, and the relationship was not going well... I now realise this is no excuse for cheating, but it seemed reasonable to me at the time. Ironically, I started cheating because someone cheated on me... I thought if someone could do it to me then I could do it to someone else. When I was cheated on a second time, I realised how devastating and disrespectful it was, and I changed my ways. I was young and stupid, and my morality was questionable... I've matured somewhat now and learned my lessons, and if I find myself attracted to someone else while in a relationship I either end the relationship before pursuing anything new, or I try to fix things in my existing relationship. What I'm saying is: regardless of what someone has done previously, it is possible for them to mature and regret their behaviour, and vow not to do it again. The key point is whether you think this girl would repeat her cheating behaviour, or whether she's just feeling guilty about her past and would not do it again.
norajane Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 What I'm saying is: regardless of what someone has done previously, it is possible for them to mature and regret their behaviour, and vow not to do it again. The key point is whether you think this girl would repeat her cheating behaviour, or whether she's just feeling guilty about her past and would not do it again. I think the point is that she doesn't know whether she would repeat her cheating. She's the one who told him she's always cheated and that's one of the reasons she doesn't want to get into a relationship with him. It sounds like she does not yet trust herself. So if she doesn't trust herself, she ought to know herself better than he does.
Author prach138 Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 I wish i would see her less attractive after finding that fact out but for some reason I don't and I'm aware that my thoughts on this problem are delusional but something is keeping me interested in this chick. its ****ed. thanks for all the input guys!
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