CLC2008 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 My feelings for my ex-ex weren't very deep, but they were for my ex. Where did I write that my feelings for my ex were up and down all the time? The only point where they went down was before the abortion, because he became a conditioned stimulus for my nausea. When we first started going out, it took longer for my feelings to get to where his were, but that's because I wanted to make sure I could trust him first...which is natural. Over time they grew, and I do/did love him. My love wasn't just based on how sweet/caring he was; it was also about our connection. We saw the world in similar ways, shared artistic sensibilities, likes and dislikes, and we taught each other a lot. We spent many hours making art together, sharing reflections on the world, and exploring the world. I know he felt that all too, because he said it many times before and after the breakup. He told me how rare he felt like the connection we had was. But somehow he forgot that; it was overshadowed by other things. I suspect one day when things blow off, he'll realize what he's lost in that connection, but I doubt he'll ever come back because of how stubborn he is. What I write on LS is only a small piece of my life. You don't see the whole picture unless you're actually in the relationship. With my ex-ex, he had me emotionally hooked, but our connection was never deep. We shared little in common. I don't feel like I'm missing anything by not being with him. Shadow in a different thread, you said how you broke down crying because you ran into your ex-ex, who you broke up with not 3 months before THIS ex. For someone who is as emotional as you are, and trust me, I am emotional too, but a healthy reaction to seeing your ex-ex, would not be one of that magnitude. You got into a relationship with your most recent ex, who was someone you had a crush on... Small piece of your life or not, you cannot refute the time line which just based on me reading, is confusing.
Author shadowplay Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 Shadow in a different thread, you said how you broke down crying because you ran into your ex-ex, who you broke up with not 3 months before THIS ex. For someone who is as emotional as you are, and trust me, I am emotional too, but a healthy reaction to seeing your ex-ex, would not be one of that magnitude. You got into a relationship with your most recent ex, who was someone you had a crush on... Small piece of your life or not, you cannot refute the time line which just based on me reading, is confusing. I agree that wasn't a healthy reaction, but bear in mind my hormones were all out of whack when that happened. I had a brief relapse. Also, I never gave myself time to "get over" my ex-ex, because I jumped right into another relationship (mistake). In fact, I hadn't felt much pain at all until the moment when I saw him again. It was short-lived, though. I think we spoke twice, and both of those times he made me feel ****ty. But I didn't actually miss him in any way. It was more about the fact that he preyed on my insecurities. This feeling with the most recent breakup is different in that it's not just about rejection. It's about losing somebody I loved and a relationship that was meaningful to me. When I saw my ex-ex this week, I felt absolutely nothing. And when I think about him being with another girl, I'm indifferent. I'm over him.
CLC2008 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I agree that wasn't a healthy reaction, but bear in mind my hormones were all out of whack when that happened. I had a brief relapse. Also, I never gave myself time to "get over" my ex-ex, because I jumped right into another relationship (mistake). In fact, I hadn't felt much pain at all until the moment when I saw him again. It was short-lived, though. I think we spoke twice, and both of those times he made me feel ****ty. But I didn't actually miss him in any way. It was more about the fact that he preyed on my insecurities. This feeling with the most recent breakup is different in that it's not just about rejection. It's about losing somebody I loved and a relationship that was meaningful to me. OK, I understand. But were you not just hanging out with your ex-ex a few days ago? I really hope you can begin to see an underlying pattern here. Once you do, then you can try to learn to correct it. Do you have any female friends at your school?
Star Gazer Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 My feelings for my ex-ex weren't very deep, but they were for my ex. Oh c'mon, Shadow. Do I really need to show you how this isn't true by linking to your old threads? That was one rollercoaster of a relationship, with a guy who sent you crying every time you saw him. How can feelings not be deep when you were as obsessed with your ex-ex as you were? Where did I write that my feelings for my ex were up and down all the time? You'd say he's perfect one minute, then complain about him the next - whether it was his hair, his family, some aspect of his personality, or something else. With my ex-ex, he had me emotionally hooked, but our connection was never deep. We shared little in common. I don't feel like I'm missing anything by not being with him. You felt the same way about him at the end of that relationship, as you do about your current ex right now.
Author shadowplay Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 OK, I understand. But were you not just hanging out with your ex-ex a few days ago? I really hope you can begin to see an underlying pattern here. Once you do, then you can try to learn to correct it. Do you have any female friends at your school? Yep, and that was a mistake. Even though nothing happened, it felt wrong. Yeah, I see the pattern. No female friends, unless you count one girl I met on here whom I talk to occasionally online. A couple of close guy friends who live far away, and we keep in touch online. I see one of them about once a month. There's a girl I've chatted to a bit recently in one of my classes, and she seems really cool. I'm hoping she might turn into a friend, but I know better than to over-invest in one person. She added me on facebook a few weeks ago, and I'm going to catch her BFA show in May. I was thinking of messaging her and telling her I'm trying to meet people in the area and was wondering if she could invite me to parties, but that might be kind of weird. I don't know. Right now I'm focusing on getting my work done for the semester, so I can graduate in the Fall. Over the Summer, I'll be hopefully working and getting my BFA show together. Once this semester is over, I'm going to make a real effort to meet people.
CLC2008 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Yep, and that was a mistake. Even though nothing happened, it felt wrong. Yeah, I see the pattern. No female friends, unless you count one girl I met on here whom I talk to occasionally online. A couple of close guy friends who live far away, and we keep in touch online. I see one of them about once a month. There's a girl I've chatted to a bit recently in one of my classes, and she seems really cool. I'm hoping she might turn into a friend, but I know better than to over-invest in one person. She added me on facebook a few weeks ago, and I'm going to catch her BFA show in May. I was thinking of messaging her and telling her I'm trying to meet people in the area and was wondering if she could invite me to parties, but that might be kind of weird. I don't know. Right now I'm focusing on getting my work done for the semester, so I can graduate in the Fall. Over the Summer, I'll be hopefully working and getting my BFA show together. Once this semester is over, I'm going to make a real effort to meet people. You should be very proud of yourself with your school work and that you are able to maintain it even through times like this. Good for you! And no. It's not weird to message the girl you mentioned, in fact, I think that is a great idea.
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