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Posted

Okay its like this, i have been in a relationship with this girl for 4 and half years now, i was working abroad in Malaysia for the first 2 years and we were together, for the past few years i visited reguarly from UK to malaysia to see and we were talking about now to get married , i would have done this last year but my grandmother passed away it was a traumatic time, but i still went over the latest visit i did was November and i stayed there for 7 weeks till mid Jan, i asked her parents for her their blessing so i could marry her and i did propose when i was there although i know so long overdue and i was still disillusioned from my grandma passing away i still made the effort and took near about 2 months of work to be there to progress things, the relationship has been tough and she is lonely i am lonely, its come to a stage where is due to visit in the next two weeks around the end of april , she booked this trip in March and she was fine she even called my mum on march 14th to wish her happy mothers day, she had a tough week at work around the last week of march then she attended a wedding, something triggered her off as people must have been asking her when the marriage, since beginning of april she now saying she does not feel the same anymore about this relationship she says she has had these bottled up feelings , from the beginning of april i gave her space for a week and then i wrote her a email just opening my heart to her and really telling her that i would do anything, she wrote back and said that she wants to work things through but i can tell she is frustrated in the email and she said that its all words and no actions , thinks i have taken her for granted and why i have taken so long to do the proposal, i would have done this last year but a close family member to me passed away, never the less i made the effort to go over, i called her middle of this week and we talked and she has agreed to come over so we can sit and talk and work things out if there is a relationship to salvaged this was in the middle of the week, Then on friday just gone we just talked again with her she is not to say cold but there is no feeling in her voice to me, we talked again today, and she is saying she will give other people a chance so as to say if a guy shows interest and she likes him she will give him a chance, but she is also giving me a chance one last shot i should say as to speak, i have the engagement ring with me to give to her but i guess i need to really prove and be sincere on how i can really salvage this relationship , by her coming over is she making a statement that she still wants to make it work ..i really want to save this relationship, she wont txt me or anything i said i will call her once a day for now, she said to me do what u want..I have a lot of building and making up to do if i am to win her over, she said she is coming with an open mind and that not pressure her , i wont pressure her ..but i also need her to come in the right frame of mind of her wanting to make it work otherwise what is the point..Her flight is for the 28th April to fly to uk, but the sudden things with volcanic eruption may stop her from flying, so she may get second thoughts, can this relationship be saved. I talked with her today and i am just limiting to one call a day as i think what we need to discuss has to be done in person. She was contemplating on not coming but if she says she is coming but with an open mind does it mean she still feels some love for me after 4.5 yrs ..but another thing was were in the stages of having a business in malaysia ..i have been doing the organising for this with our business partner in malaysia and have not bothered her ..she said if we dont work out she will still help me with the business but its not about that now ..my main priority is her..i have made the effort so much, i have the ring but dont know if she will accept ..i will have to be really sincere with her and discuss things , your thoughts please guys

Posted

First off, please cut up the block of text. Most people don't like reading a long wall of text. But to answer your question, I wouldn't propose if I were you. She just told you she wants to give other guys a shot at being with her, as well as you, so basically she's clocking out of the relationship. It's not a good time to propose to someone when they're in this frame of mind. Obviously she's trying to move on for one reason or another. Don't beat yourself up about not proposing earlier, your grandmother died, that's a traumatic time for anyone. If anything she should be trying to be there for you now when you need her most, not pushing you away by saying she needs space. I'd move on if I were you, but the decision is yours.

Posted

I don't think you should be getting married if she's the sort of person to say 'Since you're not proposing anytime soon, I should be able to go around with other guys'. You're moving from UK to Malaysia to be with her, for goodness' sakes. That alone is devotion enough, and she doesn't seem to appreciate that. I'm a Malaysian, and if I were ever to be accepted into UK as a citizen I would leave my home country and never look back - most likely not even for a guy.

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Posted

aerogurl87 yeah sorry about the block of text i should have paragraphed it, her saying that she wants to give other guys a chance is just her talking, her emotional state at the moment is confused. i talked with her today she is talking to me but still not showing her feelings and also if she wanted to do that and give other ppl a chance then why come here to uk i mean i said to her lets work things out i was even willing to get on a plane but that wont happen now for the next few days while this volcanic ash is in the air ,

 

yes last year was a traumatic time this is because my grandma lived with me, never the less i took 7 weeks of to go over and see her and start to develop the business.

 

The whole point of the business was so that we could fly back often to KL once we had a infrastructure in place so that she could see her parents often i was doing that for her not for myself.

 

I think she does still love me even though she says on the phone that her feelings towards this relationship have changed. If they had then why would u come even though ur ticket is booked. Its more that she is frustrated with me and no one is perfect , i am guilty of taking so long to do this but hell i made two trips there last year even with my grandma passing away and i went to ask the blessing from her parents, i did propose to her when i was there and she said yes but i said that i was getting the ring made for her, which is my fault i should have put a temporary ring in place but i was getting her 1.5ct from India made and she was fine with it. I have this ring now and well i will have to see how it goes when she is here, if the love is still there then i will go for it.

 

Elswyth termih kasih for ur reply, she is still coming over here as planned as far as i know her ticket is not cancelled so it means she does want to try , we will have to sit down and really talk, i still love her and she knows that but she is holding her feelings back i know how she is, i would bring her to uk and she can live here , i know Elswyth that many want to leave Malaysia i know where ur coming from and i was making it easy for her as i know a girl has that emotional attachment with her family there, if it is to work out then i can only do this in person, not over the phone.

Posted

Sama-sama. :)

 

but another thing was were in the stages of having a business in malaysia ..i have been doing the organising for this with our business partner in malaysia and have not bothered her

 

This led me to think you were planning to stay there and start a business with her? Regardless, yes, you should definitely talk when she gets there, I totally understand how such talks would be far better conducted in person. BUT the solution is not for her to see other guys in the meantime! That's a very bad sign to me, honestly.

Posted

I agree with Elswyth, her even mentioning giving other guys a chance is a bad sign for any relationship, let alone one where you're thinking of taking things up a notch. A marriage is a big, no HUGE, commitment and an engagement is a step towards that. I understand that being in a LDR is hard and the distance may be getting to her, but that's still no excuse to tell your SO you want to test the waters so to speak if someone presents themself to you.

 

I think she may still love you also, but love isn't enough to keep a relationship going. It needs love, loyalty, trust, communication, and respect. From what you've written, it seems like she isn't showing your relationship any respect by telling you in the nicest way possible she wants to be able to see other people. So I think you need to work on that before you propose. Talk to her about how she's feeling, what you two believe is causing problems in your relationship, and try to find a way (together) to remedy those problems. But I'd still put off proposing to her, at least for now.

Posted

The relationship can be saved if she is willing to be completely transparent and honest and give you the opportunity to restore trust with her.

 

Get to MC right away!

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Posted

Thanks for your replys guys,

 

Elswyth well the plan was to yes initially be there as this business has a good potential factor the business partner in malaysia has the connections with the Datuks, then later next year would have been to move back to UK and having a management structure in place , the problem with her is she Niaeve, she was fine 4 weeks ago until she went to her cousins wedding and probably got asked when the marriage is, where is the ring etc.. the business i guess i will have to consider , and see what happens when i talk with her. She needs to really toughen up, in life it will bring up much bigger challenges, how to survive.

 

aerogurl87 i would hold of on the proposal until i know what is really happening with us, when we meet up ..do we still have the same feelings when we see each other, can she see herself waking up next to me everyday, yes the relationship needs more than love, she would never find someone like me this i can say, offcourse we are all different but i have been committed to her throughout as has she so her talking abt giving other guys a chance would be her on the rebound, we need to really sit down and agree on things.. i for one dont want to do LDR no more its just too much on the both off us so its either i move out there start the business, i mean she is finishing her job this month coz she was quite stressed about it and that is why i found the opportunity for the business so we could work together. Or other choice is she move to uk and we be here.

 

 

dreamingoftigers there is a chance and i will keep positive, i mean i do love her, i am sure she does still have love for me or else why would she agree to step on a 12hour flight, granted it is going to be strange when we see each other, we would really have to sit down and talk,, but i dont want to just talk, Action is what is needed. i would have gone to see her but cant even fly out of UK rite now due to this volcanic ash in the sky, i pray and hope that by end of the week flights will be back to normal as she is scheduled to come on 28th april

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