eraser Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Why should I sideline my personal wants/needs to accommodate yours? That's not the way to love. If I don't even love myself enough to be vigilant about what I want out of a relationship, how can I love someone else? All I can do, at this point, is wish you luck in your life and relationships...
Romance Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I don't see kissing or making out as a huge deal. If you want to wait a while for sex, whatever but at least showing him some affection is a big thing..
EasyHeart Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I'm interested in your opinion. I was seeing a guy over a span of a few months, he took me out three times (all reeally nice places), drove 30+ mins to see me - and then made dinner for me on our fourth date. I didn't have sex with him, despite wanting to on our fourth date... It came off as me being a tease. I shot him a text the following day explaining that I had my period, blah blah. Haven't heard from him since. So. Was sex the deal breaker? Looks like it. It certainly could have been. The question to ask yourself is, if not having sex after 4 dates was a dealbreaker for him, did you lose anything when he disappeared?
BubbleFreak Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Yes sex is important in a relationship, but so is building up the trust beforehand, and taking things at a pace that is comfortable for both people in the relationship. The time frame really just depends on the couple, there really is no right or wrong. If one person will not commit to a manogomous relationship until they have "experienced the goods" first, but the other wants to strengthen the emotional connection before sex, then those people are just incompatible imo.
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Why should I sideline my personal wants/needs to accommodate yours? Um... because a relationship is about give and take, it's not all about "me me me". It's pretty selfish if you can't occasionally sideline your personal desires to accommodate someone else. While I agree that sex is important in a relationship, I don't see why there's such a rush to do it if the other person isn't ready. Of course you want to know that you're sexually compatible, but why do you have to find out right this second? Can't you simply enjoy a person's company to begin with, and figure out the sexual stuff a bit later on, when you both feel ready? Wanting sex right away indicates that merely enjoying a person's company isn't good enough for you. When a woman talks about wanting a committed relationship before she has sex, she's not talking about marriage and permanent undissolvable commitment... she's talking about an exclusive romantic relationship which involves some emotional feelings. If you turn out to be sexually incompatible, such a relationship can still be dissolved.
RobM Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Seems like this is a no win situation for men, no matter when you have sex, sooner or later, if you find out you're not compatible and end it then you're labeled as a user who only wanted sex. Seems like it's even worse if you wait a long time until you're in a committed relationship to find out it won't work for you.
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I don't understand this whole thing about sexual compatibility tbh. Sex is sticking something in a hole and jiggling it about; as long as she has the right holes, how on earth can you be incompatible? If you're talking about her not being good in bed, then surely if you loved her you'd be patient and willing to teach her how to please you?
BubbleFreak Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I don't understand this whole thing about sexual compatibility tbh. Sex is sticking something in a hole and jiggling it about; as long as she has the right holes, how on earth can you be incompatible? If you're talking about her not being good in bed, then surely if you loved her you'd be patient and willing to teach her how to please you? There's also more to it, such as whether or not they are accepting of each others' fetishes and willing to do certain things. Also one might want sex more frequently than the other. These factors plus more could lead to difficulties in the relationship.
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I would assume it's fairly rare that anyone would have completely unacceptable fetishes (I only met one such person in my entire life). There might be a mismatch between sex drives, but assuming most people are somewhere around average it shouldn't be a big deal in most situations. I would expect there to be only a minority of situations in which one person deviates from the norm far enough to be incompatible with someone else. As long as the rest of your relationship works, it doesn't seem unreasonable to be open minded and make an effort to make each other happy sexually.
mrt336 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Um... because a relationship is about give and take, it's not all about "me me me". It's pretty selfish if you can't occasionally sideline your personal desires to accommodate someone else. While I agree that sex is important in a relationship, I don't see why there's such a rush to do it if the other person isn't ready. Of course you want to know that you're sexually compatible, but why do you have to find out right this second? Can't you simply enjoy a person's company to begin with, and figure out the sexual stuff a bit later on, when you both feel ready? Wanting sex right away indicates that merely enjoying a person's company isn't good enough for you. When a woman talks about wanting a committed relationship before she has sex, she's not talking about marriage and permanent undissolvable commitment... she's talking about an exclusive romantic relationship which involves some emotional feelings. If you turn out to be sexually incompatible, such a relationship can still be dissolved. Relationships are about give and take, yes. However it's more important to find someone you mesh with than to put in so much effort into something that isn't working for you. That's the purpose of dating. To find someone you DON'T have to compromise with too much because you both want the same things the majority of the time. When you find yourself compromising all the time, you're in trouble. It means you settled for "someone" just to have a relationship. It's very common, but it's not something I will do.
eraser Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 When you find yourself compromising all the time, you're in trouble. It means you settled for "someone" just to have a relationship. It's very common, but it's not something I will do. Exactly how old are you?
mrt336 Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I don't understand this whole thing about sexual compatibility tbh. Sex is sticking something in a hole and jiggling it about; as long as she has the right holes, how on earth can you be incompatible? If you're talking about her not being good in bed, then surely if you loved her you'd be patient and willing to teach her how to please you? It's way more than that. Come on, you must know that. It ranges from is she comfortable enough with herself and her own body to really be open in bed? Is she so timid she won't have sex with the lights on? Is she passionate about it? Does she really enjoy it or is she doing it because she feels obligated? Does she like X, will she do Y? There's a lot to sexual compatibility. It's not necessarily "being good in bed." And if I loved her? I'll be having sex with her before I ever love her, so it's a question I can't answer.
Green Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 I'm in my twenties. I would need atleast a kiss on the lips by the second date although I would try on the first date. I would expect to be able to make out and at least touch the legs by the third date. I would need a minimum of a bj by the end of the first month. By the time we got to the second month I would really want to be having all out sex. Of course I really don't have an actual time line and often having all of the above right away.
Rorschach Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 All you people are crazy. If I can even get hugs I'm happy as long as she's really fun to be around. FYI I love hugs. I mean I really love hugs. I hug ALL my relatives (even uncles/cousins and laugh when they get a little uncomfortable (they don't anymore)) and have been known to just stand and hug my GF for minutes at a time. Is that weird?
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