highlyevolved Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 We were friends before hand, then we decided we wanted to be more than once every 2 months sleeping together kinda thing. Been 'seeing him' for about 2 months now. We hang out about twice a week. I would lOVE to hang out more but he said he doesn't "want to rush things" and that "make it more special" when we do. I also asked him if she wanted just to be friends again and he said "I don't just wanna be friends". We're not like boyfriend/girlfriend yet...but can anyone tell me what I can expect from this kind of relationship thus far. I get the feeling he's a bit scared to take it to the next level, but it's good that he said he wants to be more than friends. He also said we should go away on a holiday in a couple months - so another good sign. He actually used the words "scared" when talking about potential relationship. Oh and yes we have sex. What are your thoughts? Am I just overthinking this? He does say things like he misses me and stuff.
ADF Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 He's not scared to take your relationship to the next level, he just doesn't want to. And why would he? From the male point of view, having a GF is not the ideal situation. From the male point of view, having a FWB is the ideal situation. In a FWB, the guy gets all the advantages of having a GF, but with no strings. It is the ultimate win/win situation for him. Many men--I want to say most men--prefer FWB to having a GF. They will try for a FWB is they can get it, and only settle for having a GF if they can't. What you should take from this is simple: never get into a FWB relationship with a guy you really like. Once he's got you in a FWB, he's not going to want to go to the next level. Not ever. Why would he? He's already getting everything he wants--for free! Frankly, if you press him, he will most likely just dump you and find a new FWB.
Author highlyevolved Posted April 18, 2010 Author Posted April 18, 2010 (edited) Hmmm it's hard to say..I really don't think he's like that..as in just using me for sex, I guess I'll just have to wait it out. He said this to be about 4 weeks ago. "im very interested in u i have been for like a year.. i love spending time with u.. so i wouldnt say testing the waters but when it comes to take it to the next level im sure we will both know" Edited April 18, 2010 by highlyevolved
ADF Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Hmmm it's hard to say..I really don't think he's like that..as in just using me for sex, I guess I'll just have to wait it out. He said this to be about 4 weeks ago. "im very interested in u i have been for like a year.. i love spending time with u.. so i wouldnt say testing the waters but when it comes to take it to the next level im sure we will both know" Sorry, but I say that quote of his is just doubletalk. He has you in a FWB, and that's just where he wants you. He's getting everything a man can possibly want from a woman--affection, sex, companionship--and he's getting it all without having to make any commitments to you whatsoever. He's sitting in the proverbial catbird seat, and my guess is that is where things will stay. But, as you say, time will tell.
Author highlyevolved Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 We are both guys btw. He invited me over the other night just to spoon me and sleep next to me No sex.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 We are both guys btw. He invited me over the other night just to spoon me and sleep next to me No sex. Gender aside, I think he's just confused as to what he wants. People who want relationships would say the " next level" would be sex, but he had sex with you and then blew the whistle on you by saying " let's not rush!". To be honest, these kind of " relationships' generally just mean a guy is only after sex ( I know because I've been there). If you guys don't have sex, or even spoon, would he still advocate to hanging out with you? So does he take you out on dates? Or do you guys always end up at his apartment?
Author highlyevolved Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Honestly, I don't think he's like that. I guess from what I've wrote it might seem like that. But he's not even into sex that much. We go our for breakfast and to the movies. He's made an effort to come to my house (which he said was a big deal as he never goes to other guys houses) and that we should go on a holiday in a couple months. He also deleted his online dating profile. I think I've just gotta think positively and believe it's heading the write direction.
confused and broken Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 It sounds like he doesn't want to take it to the next level or he would If you don't want opinions why post? If you want to live your life pretending a non relationship is just going to magically turn into a relationship go ahead, but the truth is almost all the time it doesn't There is a reason he is scared to take it to the next level and that reason is not going away overnight Usually in a relationship either you are happy or you are not... You don't seem completely happy with where things are at, but you seem to think that if you wait long enough it will change You are heading for heartbreak IMO
Author highlyevolved Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 It sounds like he doesn't want to take it to the next level or he would If you don't want opinions why post? If you want to live your life pretending a non relationship is just going to magically turn into a relationship go ahead, but the truth is almost all the time it doesn't There is a reason he is scared to take it to the next level and that reason is not going away overnight Usually in a relationship either you are happy or you are not... You don't seem completely happy with where things are at, but you seem to think that if you wait long enough it will change You are heading for heartbreak IMO What should i do
confused and broken Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 In a perfect world you would move on... Keep living your life If it's not a committed relationship than why can't you see other people Then you would meet someone who was at your level and ready for a real relationship and ta da..... But you're human chances are you will let it play out... Until you are heartbroken enough Actions speak louder than words He can tell you day and night that he wants a real relationship eventually he's just taking it slow, but he's not even willing to be your boyfriend? What is the big deal... it's not marriage it just means you are willing to try... What do you want??? What are your values??? How do you want to be loved and treated?? How do you love and treat yourself?? These are all questions I would ask myself??? Personally if a guy doesn't want to be my boyfriend... then I'm hurt and it doesn't fit with what I value... I value someone who is really willing to give the relationship a chance because I know I am... I want to be loved and cherished You deserve to be loved Fully loved and treated like it's exciting to be committed to you not like it's scary
xpaperxcutx Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Normally I would tell others to just move on, but how easy can that be? If anything, play it cool, and really just see where things go. Since you guys are not a " couple" I advocate you to stop sleeping over and stop the spooning. Avoid all the physical contact where they draw the line between friendship and bf/gf. Back off but don't back back off completely where you're sending mixed signals. If you don't want to be fwb, you have to take a more objective stance that says you're not going to do anything that will say you're okay with just having sex. Others will call this game playing but this will help you retain self-control over what you want. The worst that can happen is you walk away from him. Everything really just comes down to how you feel about being his friend. I mean can you handle being just " friends" while you wait for him to change his mind? Some people can and the above applies. But if you're unable to tolerate waiting, and expect more respect from him, then you walk away and find someone else better. If you read all that, know that you do have options. Just like everything isn't all black and white.
Author highlyevolved Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 Hmm some good advice. Obviously i'm not ready to 'just move on'. But next time he ask me over at night I'm just gonna be like "sorry..too late"? Or "I'd rather hang out in the day"? I guess it'll be good to let him make the moves..if he really wants me then he'll make the effort. Otherwise it becomes an easy decision. thoughts
ADF Posted April 22, 2010 Posted April 22, 2010 We are both guys btw. He invited me over the other night just to spoon me and sleep next to me No sex. Oh, it's you again, huh? You did this once before. You lay out a scenario, wait for a bunch of responses, then say, "oh, by the way, we're both guys." As if you "forgot" to mention it. What is your problem? Why do you play these little games? People here are trying to be helpful, and you're toying with them. Grow up.
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