question for the other woman

[nichole2004]

Ok so I havent posted on here for a while. To put it simply my husband cheated on me with my best friend for what I'm suspecting lasted about 3 months (which to present they still both deny).

 

What I want to know is what are the signs that your friend is cheating with your husband? I get the signs when he's cheating. Trust me, its all over the internet. But are there any clues when it comes to her?

 

She was so nice to me. Granted they (my husband and what became my best friend) became friends first through a mutual friend, but after a year of knowing her me and her seemed to be closer. She called me all the time, we hung out, confided in each other, and spent almost every weekend together.

 

So now that the anger has supsided I want to know if she was just playing friends with me so I would not think anything was going on or was this just something that happened? And please let me clarify, I'm am 95% sure that for the first 3 months that he and I knew her they were not doing anything. It just seems like a catch 22 and i dont want it to happen again.

So for the other woman my question is this. Is this a technique to get the wife comfortable, And if so what specifically are the signs that I need to look for when a friend is having an affiar with me husband right under my nose?

I'm to the point I would rather have no friends then one like these and i have a life riddled with these type of people.

[Lizzie60]

So for the other woman my question is this. Is this a technique to get the wife comfortable, And if so what specifically are the signs that I need to look for when a friend is having an affiar with me husband right under my nose?

I'm to the point I would rather have no friends then one like these and i have a life riddled with these type of people.

 

It is certainly a technique a woman can use to get someone else's husband.. but it's not a technique I have ever used...

 

My female friends are 2 of the most precious people in my life..

 

And I agree... better to have no friends than friends like her.. Ignore her.. and kick him to the curb..

[mybrowneyedgirl]

although not her friend, when she suspected it i acted "extra friendly" towards her. it calmed the suspicions.

[Spoiled]

Ok so I havent posted on here for a while. To put it simply my husband cheated on me with my best friend for what I'm suspecting lasted about 3 months (which to present they still both deny).

 

What I want to know is what are the signs that your friend is cheating with your husband? I get the signs when he's cheating. Trust me, its all over the internet. But are there any clues when it comes to her?

 

She was so nice to me. Granted they (my husband and what became my best friend) became friends first through a mutual friend, but after a year of knowing her me and her seemed to be closer. She called me all the time, we hung out, confided in each other, and spent almost every weekend together.

 

So now that the anger has supsided I want to know if she was just playing friends with me so I would not think anything was going on or was this just something that happened? And please let me clarify, I'm am 95% sure that for the first 3 months that he and I knew her they were not doing anything. It just seems like a catch 22 and i dont want it to happen again.

So for the other woman my question is this. Is this a technique to get the wife comfortable, And if so what specifically are the signs that I need to look for when a friend is having an affiar with me husband right under my nose?

I'm to the point I would rather have no friends then one like these and i have a life riddled with these type of people.

 

Every situation is different. I am a MOW who is having on and off A with my now former friend's H. I met him a few months prior to his wedding and we were friends. Met her and we became friends, had nothing to do with him, and she was a close friend. I never used her to get to him but there were signs for over a decade that him and I were closer. We lived hours apart.

1. There were many times in which we called each other prior to the A with our spouses knowledge afterward. He would call me when she was not around or while he was at work. At that time, conversations were not inappropriate but our families maintained contact between us.

2. We always planned our family gatherings, not our spouses. It was always his or my ideas. Yet, prior to the actual A.

3. I knew much about his personal life from him, not her. Although she was unaware, you could easily find out if she knew about certain issues, etc.

4. Once the A began, I only communicated with her when she contacted me and we never planned for our families to see each other anymore. At that point, any gatherings would have to be planned by our spouses.

 

Being friends with our spouses made it more comfortable for us to have an A with each other. We knew them, therefore, did not have to feed each other lines and lessened the feelings of vulnerability to lies. To befriend someone with the intention of becoming closer with the spouse is too much work in my opinion.

[Spoiled]

although not her friend, when she suspected it i acted "extra friendly" towards her. it calmed the suspicions.

 

wow, I was her friend. Therefore, distanced myself by only returning calls or emails. Never forget being in the grocery store and freaked out when I received a text message from her. Felt more guilty about the A but also felt more "privileged" in that I knew the truth.

[nichole2004]

Thank you for your replies and honesty. Now that I have somewhat calmed down from this situation I find it odd with all the emotions that are coming up. She was a very close friend. I remember we would go out to the bars or out to the lake and have so much fun together.

 

After I confronted them they both denied it and were even pissed that I would even think they would do something like that (even though I have video evidence). I cant leave him right now because Im finishing up my last year of school and cant afford it, so Im just trying to hold out untill then.

Me and her talked for a few days after the confrontation because I had decided just to apoligize (the video was very dark and couldnt see alot of what was going on). See she didnt see the whole video. In the beginning of it you could plainly see that it was her and him, but when they were kissing they had turned the lights out. She had only seen that part.

 

So when she talked to another mutual friend about this who had seen the whole video they told her that it was her. She told this person that she was going to have to talk to me again and I have never heard from her since.

I know this sounds dumb and pathetic but I miss her. I even remember one time during the affair when my husband snapped at me and she went ballistic on him, telling him not to talk to me like that.

 

But I did see some signs. Another time a male fiend of mine who was engaged (we didnt know his fiance) was texting her at the bar trying to get her to go home with him. She was telling me about it and was saying that she told him cool be realioze that I will be able to sleep at night you wont. Your (my male friend) are the one who is engaged and will be doing something wrong.

 

And even though we hung out all the time and called eachohter all the time I work late almost every night. Many times I would come home and she and another friend would be at my house hanging out with my husband. I never thought anything about it because they would always be out on the deck hanging out.

 

It just seems so off the wall. I mean I really got socked in the stomach twice. My Husband cheated on me with my best friend. And the best part is when I contronted them they actually got livid with me. They screamed and yelled saying how could i ever think something like that. They made me feel bad like i did something wrong.

I just dont see how a person could do something like this. Its one thing to be the other woman, but to do this to your best friend is a low blow.

She had to have had this all planned out!!!

[SavannahSmiles]

Nichole, I'm confused. Since you've only posted 7 times, I went back and read your previous posts. The best friend you are talking about - is this the friend of the lesbian that called your boyfriend (you said husband here but boyfriend then or commonlaw husband) many times when you all first met? You said they would hang out with him a lot without you even at the beginning. I think she probably knew him better than you all along. The only plan she might have had was to keep being nice to you. It doesn't sound like she used you to get to him. I don't understand why after all this time you are content with being with someone you just don't trust. Not only that, he obviously doesn't trust you either. It's a toxic relationship. If you stay in it, expect more of the same. It's your choice. You sound like a friend of mine that stays with her boyfriend just because they've been together so long. So what does that mean? You want another 10 years of this crap? Or do you want to take a chance of the next 10 years plus being better and maybe even finding someone else who won't treat you like a fool.

[nichole2004]

Sorry thats its all so confusing. technically they (the lesiban and the OW and my man) were friends first. We had one bar that we frequented for years before we ever became friends.

 

When me and my man would go into this bar we would see them there, would never really conversate, untill there was a pool turmanate one weekend. He had ask the lesiban to be his partner because his didnt show up (I was there this night). Well the lesiban and the OW were best friends so naturally they came as a pair. This is where there friendship started.

 

In the beginning he didnt hide anything from me. He told he was going to the bar to have a beer after work, and they were always there after work to so they hung out. The only reason that I wasnt around alot in the beginning was b/c i worked nights. He would always tell me about them, and at times would bring them up to my resturant to see me.

 

After that semister at school I had alot more free time so after work I would also meet them up there. Still at this time I dont think anything was going on between the two. The first real night that we all hung out me and her hit it off. I dont have any girl friends and niether did she so it was a match. within the next couple of months she was calling me more then him asking me to come up to the bar and hang out (this was April-june). June was when we started going to the lake evey weekend and this is when I think the affair started.

 

So why do i keep switching from husband/boyfiend? That I'm not sure. We are common law married. I'm so used to just calling him my huband. the only reason that we havnt tied the knot is because i require pre-marriage counseling and he dosnt believe in that. So for years I have told him Im fine the way we are. Maybe a call him boyfriend when this upset me more on those days.

Any way none of that matters anymore since this has happened. Your right the relationship is toxic and i should leave. But I just cant bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm screwed in the head. I love him very much, and am still very much in love with him.

Aside from this he has been the only guy that has treated me somewhat right in my life. He lets me go to school, financially supports me, and buys me everything I need. 90% of the time he is so sweet to me, he makes me laugh, we share the same interest, and I do believe he loves me. The other 10% its hell on earth. The thing that i admire most about him is that he brought me out of my shell. The past relationships really turned my life down the wrong path (drugs, drinking, etc.) When I met him he set me straight but it made me a shy very insecure person. I would rather stay at home then have to face any social situation. He forced me to face my fears and taught me that people wanted to know who i truelly was and that i was fun to be around even sober.

 

Its hard to leave someone who has done that for you. But the problem I'm beginning to see is that no matter who (good or bad) they seem to trash my life in some form or fashion.

 

This is they way that I am seeing it now. My life is like a revelving door. People who I let be close to me come in trash everything that I hold dear in my life just to walk back out without a care in the world. Only to look back and say "hey B*#$!h you got a huge mess to deal with and clean up!!! And I'm the only one around for the aftermath. It has happened time and time again.

 

So now I'm trying to spot these people before I let them in. Currently I let no one in (not even him)and its very lonely. My plan is to leave him when I can financially do that but it dosnt solve the problem. Ill just go on to the next person and they will do the same.

Also you might want to know why I'm so hung up on her. Trust me Ive asked myself that many times. Like I said i dont have any girl friends and never really did. It was so nice to have one that i felt comfortable around and didnt annoy me.

 

It just hurt so much when the one time I let a girl in and we became as close as we did she would go and do this. I new she was a maneater (I mean come on that was her ringtone) but I never knew she was capable of doing this to her friend. And it just made me wonder if that was a tactic that the other woman would use so she wouldnt get caught.

[SavannahSmiles]

This is they way that I am seeing it now. My life is like a revelving door. People who I let be close to me come in trash everything that I hold dear in my life just to walk back out without a care in the world. Only to look back and say "hey B*#$!h you got a huge mess to deal with and clean up!!! And I'm the only one around for the aftermath. It has happened time and time again.

 

So now I'm trying to spot these people before I let them in. Currently I let no one in (not even him)and its very lonely. My plan is to leave him when I can financially do that but it dosnt solve the problem. Ill just go on to the next person and they will do the same.

 

It might be lonely but I would take lonely over the people that have been in your life. You can find good friends. You just have to spot the red flags early on and avoid the ones who are toxic. You sould like a sweet woman, and I am so sorry that you are going through all this. Just know that there are good people out there. If you raise your standards on friends and boyfriends, you will see. Just focus on loving yourself right now and know that you are worthy of good friends. ((hugs))