mniky85 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been broken up for a year. Long story short...I'm 19 and he's 23. We stopped talking, started talking again, and now he is over in Germany with the air force. He was in community college and had a part time job, and I was attending a pretty decent school before he left. While seperated he got a full time job on his base and started making decent money. While he was over in Germany he bought a BMW and I just can't seem to get over this. I can't put my finger on as to why I am so jealous, but maybe it's because my dad works at GM so we try not to buy foreign cars or because my brand new car was less then $20,000. We aren't together anymore, but we kind of talk like we are. I don't know why I am so mad at this issue, I just don't like knowing that he is more successful than me. He doesn't have a degree, I am 19 and am 2/3 away from getting a pharmacy degree and whenever I think about the subject I just get so mad that he is further than me in life. I say anything to cut him down because I don't like knowing he is better than me. I will say things like "well if you didn't have the friends you had you wouldn't even think about buying that because you're just trying to impress them" or I will say "well I want a guy who has his priorities straight and actually lives in his own house (not apartment) before he has a nice car. I know this sounds pathetic, because it is. But what can I do? I need serious help on this petty issue. I'm sorry guys I'm not always like this, and I'm not a bad person, I just feel so humiliated about this.
deux ex machina Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 When you know better, you do better. So now that you know you are acting out of jealousy, stop it. Much of the time, when people get jealous it stems from a basic human need that isn't being fulfilled. Everyone has experienced jealousy at one point or another in their lives - and the reason it feels horrible to you is likely that it is something you don't feel very often. The fact that you can acknowledge what is happening says a lot of good things about your ability to be introspective. That's very good. Few are able to do anything close to that. But still, yes - stop it. You're in school right now, things are up in the air...it's hard to nail down, but I'm pretty sure that the need that is lacking fulfillment for you here is accomplishment, or some kind of security need. So look within, stop focusing on anyone else, see how you can get that need met, and the jealousy should dissipate. It is an ugly corrosive thing, so don't feed it anymore. Count your blessings and know what it is you have to offer. I'm willing to bet it is a lot, and you know are selling yourself short by acting this way. You're a good person, stop beating yourself up.
mickleb Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Good post above re. the jealousy. I'm wondering why you feel the need to still be in contact with this guy, especially when you can't stop yourself from bitching at him? Leave him be, focus on yourself. And remember what is really important in this life. It's no good having a BMW and your own house if you're lonely and bitter in them, is there? (Try watching 'Groundhog Day' - again, if you haven't done so, already - to help you remember. ) x
sally4sara Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Did he, by being in Germany at the time, get a better deal on the BMW than he would find in the U.S., prompting him to buy a non-American made car? In all seriousness, they are well made cars. It will likely last longer than a $20,000 U.S. car.
TLH Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Money, stuff, etc. does not and never will buy happiness or confidence. I think that instead of concentrating on the things that he has, you need to work on the aspect of yourself that correlates $ to happiness. Have you thought that maybe his self esteem is pretty low and he thinks that he needs nice things in order to be happy? Maybe when he was with you, he felt content and didn't feel the need for these things. But really, it doesn't matter what he thinks/does. You need to figure out why this is such a huge concern for you and let go of that toxicity. Just don't be too rough on yourself. Jealousy is a really common emotion in all of us, especially when it concerns people who have had a significant impact on our lives. But jealousy also signifies a part of you that needs a little attention, healing, and love.
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