EmptyPromises Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I've been with my ex for two and a half years. The beginning was great, he was chasing me and trying to sweep me off my feet. He finally did. Fast foward two years and I'm lost. I feel empty. I feel alone. He calls me things like wh*re, ret*rd, stupid. He tells me there's nothing good about me. He tells me I'm a psycho and an angry person. He tells me he hates hanging out with me. He doesn't tell me he loves me, he doesnt even try. Every time we break up, it seems that hes having sex with another girl. One of whom was his ex g/f.Yet I'm still in love with him. I KNOW WHAT YOUR ALL THINKING. I NEED TO LEAVE HIM FOR GOOD. I WANT TO DO THAT. In the past year, we've broken up about ten times. I know, crazy. Every time I start to move on, he comes crawling back and charms me. I love him I really do. I don't know why he's changed but I don't like it and I know im worthy of true love. We don't trust eachother, I'm going to live 4 hours away from him next year because he still has another year of school. I look at him as if he were a drug. I'm addicted to him and I can't figure out why. When things are good, they are real good. When things are bad, they are real bad. I'm leaving college with not many friends and no one to lean on. I feel as if he's turned most people against me and made people not like me. I've isolated myself and am so alone. That's why I need your help to help me move on. I'm going to try to post on here on a daily basis. I want to move on this time.
TLH Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 The first, and by far the hardest, thing that you need to do is break all contact. Erase his number, email, block him on facebook, etc. If he keeps calling/texting change your number. You must take drastic measures. Work on yourself and learn to love yourself. Don't worry about what he is doing. I think that he has brought so much toxicity into your life that your confidence and self esteem have gone down the **** hole. Otherwise, you would not still be with this man. You need to learn how to love yourself, and treat yourself that way. It will be a hard journey but that's why we are all here.
Author EmptyPromises Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 thank you your so sweet <3 i have 0 confidence and have a very low self esteem because of him...i feel ugly and useless. i feel as though no one cares about me but my family. i feel like my reputation is ruined and i look terrible for staying by his side even when he messed up. i think im going to use this forum to vent and get things off my chest instead of texting or calling him crying and looking pathetic
northstar1 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 thank you your so sweet <3 i have 0 confidence and have a very low self esteem because of him...i feel ugly and useless. i feel as though no one cares about me but my family. i feel like my reputation is ruined and i look terrible for staying by his side even when he messed up. i think im going to use this forum to vent and get things off my chest instead of texting or calling him crying and looking pathetic Hi Empty. I know your story The only way you will be happy and build your self esteem is to distance from this gutterpig. letting him stay in your life is toxic and if you do ,you'll never move forward. do yourself a favor and tell yourself you deserve better and make that change.
mickleb Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I've been with my ex for two and a half years. The beginning was great, he was chasing me and trying to sweep me off my feet. He finally did. Fast foward two years and I'm lost. I feel empty. I feel alone. He calls me things like wh*re, ret*rd, stupid. He tells me there's nothing good about me. He tells me I'm a psycho and an angry person. He tells me he hates hanging out with me. He doesn't tell me he loves me, he doesnt even try. Every time we break up, it seems that hes having sex with another girl. One of whom was his ex g/f.Yet I'm still in love with him. I KNOW WHAT YOUR ALL THINKING. I NEED TO LEAVE HIM FOR GOOD. I WANT TO DO THAT. In the past year, we've broken up about ten times. I know, crazy. Every time I start to move on, he comes crawling back and charms me. I love him I really do. I don't know why he's changed but I don't like it and I know im worthy of true love. We don't trust eachother, I'm going to live 4 hours away from him next year because he still has another year of school. I look at him as if he were a drug. I'm addicted to him and I can't figure out why. When things are good, they are real good. When things are bad, they are real bad. I'm leaving college with not many friends and no one to lean on. I feel as if he's turned most people against me and made people not like me. I've isolated myself and am so alone. That's why I need your help to help me move on. I'm going to try to post on here on a daily basis. I want to move on this time. This is a very interesting post, EmptyPromises. You reveal quite a lot in it. Firstly, and most importantly, you state, in your title that you need to get away from this abuse. You are correct. You need to distance yourself from the source of it: him. I'm glad you will be living 4 hours away from him next year because if, for some reason, you don't find the strength to do this before then (I sincerely hope you do, btw) I am fairly confident you will be able to when you live away from him. (I was in a similar situation to you, went to college, continued the relationship, LD, then just *ping* woke up to how crazy the relationship was. I'm not you and I might be wrong but, often, abusive relationships are very intense and it's really difficult to find objectivity on them, when you're in the centre of it all. Distance helps.) The insults he hurls at you sound to me like a whole heap of projection. He thinks these things about himself, can't understand why you love him and therefore, labels you with his own disgust for himself. This may make you pity him a bit, even love him more but you must understand YOU cannot help him. A therapist might be able to, if he took himself to see one and committed to years of hard work on himself. YOU are, probably, the last person who can help him get to this stage. You, as you admit, are damaged yourself. You are choosing to stay by your abuser's side. Bad choice. You know this. Obviously, your low self-esteem says you deserve it, on some level. But you can change this. You can change YOURSELF. But not HIM. You say it's like he's turned your friends against you. The sad news is that you have done this. He may have said lots of hideous things to them, or about you but your friends, unfortunately, have given up on you because you stopped listening to them, caring about you, and chose to care more for this person. You allowed him to turn your friends against you. In honesty, really good friends wouldn't have been put off so easily but really good friends can be hard to find. It's not nice hearing how you have been responsible in your own unhappiness but it is important for us to do, in order to understand just how bad the situation we have placed ourselves in, is. Also, it's important we recognise that we have the power to change our lives, for the better. There are always choices available to us. Good ones and bad ones. We always have the opportunity to make a good choice. All you have to do is make it and follow it. You are not alone. We are here for you and, as you take your steps away from this person, you will (probably) find others in you life are there for you, too. Always were but you found it difficult to believe that. Probably. You are also strong. You know that this situation is abusive and you know it needs to end. You are certainly stronger than your boyfriend, who is a much more broken individual, although it may not seem like this, sometimes. Please remember: YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. Take care. x
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