First in-person date after work today

[VertexSquared]

Go out with her you pansy or I'ma march down to manhatten and kick you into next week. THAT'D give you something to talk about!

 

Seriously though, she doesn't CARE if you're being interesting or not, she just wants to be around you, and you want to be around her, give the lady what she wants!

 

I care if I am being interesting or not, lol. I get so nervous and locked up when I am fumbling for things to come up with. When I am confident, I am very confident. When I start to worry, I crash. It's a very highvariance type of personality, perhaps.

 

I just don't want all of our in-person time to feel strained because I am constantly struggling to come up with interesting things to talk about or ask.

[Rorschach]

Really just don't worry about it, she can come up with things to talk about too. In all my years of speaking with people (I can't say dating, i don't get to date much *sad face*) I can't say that many awkward conversations have popped up with people who I actually enjoyed being around. World just doesn't work that way.

[Crazy Magnet]

You live in Manhattan, go people watching! It was one of my favorite things to do up there. I could just walk the streets and check out what was going on. Try browsing in a book store, music store, start checking out diners (I'm so in love with diners!) and that can become a quick "thing" for the two of you that you can always fall back on when she wants last minute plans. Just google diner and start going down the list.

 

Grab a blanket and go sit in the park and just sit and snuggle. That's so much fun!

 

My BF thinks I'm wildly interesting (and maybe I am) and while he doesn't really do anything exciting I by no means find him boring in any way. We can literally talk for hours about nothing and have the greatest time in the world.

 

And yes, I second the smooching comment from above.

[marsle85]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You're seeing her Friday and Saturday. It's OK to let you miss one another.

[pandagirl]

Walk the Highline!

[tigressA]

Walk the Highline!

 

Agreed on this one! I love the Highline!

[VertexSquared]

An update!

 

:D :D :D

 

Now that you know I am ecstatic, let me begin my story.

 

So we meet up at my apartment today and watch TV since the weather blows. We turn to the Food channel and have fun talking/making fun of things/etc, and eventually she grabs my arm and puts her head on my shoulder. I was still shy and so I didn't grab her hand or turn to kiss her. She started fidgeting and eventually I could tell she was getting a bit anxious and possibly frustrated. She asked me what I would do if she said she were going to leave the apartment at that moment -- what would I do to get her to stay? I knew she was probably hinting at kissing, but again, I don't know *why* I have such a hard mental hangup on this ****. She asked if I was still nervous around her and I said yes, admittedly.

 

Eventually she was visibly distraught and probably thinking she was doing something wrong. I pushed every ounce of might that I could through my brain -- every last iota of strength to just kill off the cognitive dissonance, incorrect paradigms, and analysis paralysis -- and forced myself to put my arm around her. I nearly had a heart attack, but she didn't back away. Eventually though she got up to leave and said I could walk her home.

 

I was a bit upset because I knew I'd blown it. We walked and she basically asked me why I was so nervous. I forced myself to reach for her hand. I told her, "Because I don't want you to freak out if I do this." "Why would you think that would freak me out!? I've been waiting for that since our first date!" And so we spent the next few blocks talking about it all, and I felt a lot more at ease. This girl actually, really likes me. She isn't put off by my advances.

 

During the cooking challenge shows we watched earlier, I had made a comment about how it was odd how most challengers seemed to finish JUST AROUND whenever the timer ran out, regardless of how much time was given -- I made the argument that they could probably give the challengers 20 minutes and they'd still make something relatively good in quality even if they rushed like mad. And so, during our walk later after I was holding her hand, she did something rather cute when I told her that I couldn't explain why I was nervous/shy around her: "Alright, so let's say this is like those cooking shows -- prove your own point: You have 2 blocks to explain this to me before I need to hail my cab to make it home in time to sleep!" And so, taking her up on the challenge, I tried to explain that I liked her a lot and didn't want to do something that she'd find offputting -- but the nervousness goes away once I know what someone's okay with (e.g. holding hands).

 

She walked with me an extra three blocks anyway even after I finished explaining. She said she understood and that she felt comfortable around me and wasn't going to reject any of my advances.

 

We stopped to then hail a cab. She gave me a hug once we got one to stop by, and I just said it... "I have to get this out of my system." I pulled her up against me and pressed my lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around me and we just stood there kissing for a good 10 seconds, with the cab waiting behind her. She was totally caught off guard, hahahaha. Smiling, she went into her cab and we texted each other afterwards all night.

[tigressA]

Ahhh I'm dying from all the adorableness!! Yaaaaaay!! KEEP IT UP!!

[Star Gazer]

This girl actually, really likes me. She isn't put off by my advances.

 

DUDE... she's your girlfriend, for crying out loud! She AGREED to be your girlfriend, after the first date! Do you still have doubts that she really likes you??

 

GREAT story, put a huge smile on my face.

 

Keep givin' her lovin'. She wants it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

This really makes me happy! Courage, man! Carry on!

[BL268]

I'm glad things went well! See, there's nothing to worry about.

 

This reminds me so much of when I first met my boyfriend. I wasn't very experienced and even though I didn't like to admit it at the time, it was super scary! I was scared to make a move and I think he was equally as scared because it took him a while to make a move (yes, I should have made a move too!) But then one day we were watching swans on a lake and he leaned in to point something out across the water and he held my hand. He looked worried but it was what I'd wanted him to do, of course I didn't pull away! Like I said before we've been together over a year now but that's the moment I remember the most.

 

Next date we went on we went to the cinema and I decided I needed to make a move too to show I was interested. It was really scary (I understand where you're coming from!) He was resting his arm on the arm rest with his hand facing up (waiting for me to hold it I think). But I thought if I hold it he's not going to want me to (I laugh at myself now). It took me a hour to pluck up enough courage but I held his arm and I'll never forget the smile I got.

 

Rambling. But you're not the only one who feels like this, I'm sure! But she's clearly interested. Don't be scared. It does get easier.

 

And I'm really pleased things went well last night!

[jennifer4]

awww, You are doing great! It sounds like you two are such a sweet couple. I wish u the best of luck, you don't need it though!

[VertexSquared]

Vertex,

 

congratulations.

 

It's hard to explain but the inhibitions you're feeling is EXACTLY how I used to feel when I used to be dating. It's so difficult and I don't know if people who haven't been there done that could know how hard it is to break through those barriers.

 

In any event you have to give this girl more kissing and hugging. That's what you have to do. Plenty of it.

 

I have the feeling she may be "a keeper" although you've just met her really.

 

However don't feel as if you have to date a bunch of other girls if this one turns out to be "the one" for you.

 

Believe me if you find the right person just stick with that person and don't waste time wondering if anything better is out there.

 

Definitely agreed. I think it's just that I don't really know what affections feel like. Not to go all psychoanalysis on the whole thing, but my parents abused me as a child and I was largely neglected and without support, even though they said they loved me, etc (luckily I was able to use them as anti-rolemodels, and I wound up going down a great education/career path). My last relationship was also largely unhealthy and abusive. It's really hard for me to assume that anyone's feelings towards me are true because I have an extremely difficult time trusting anyone's word since I am often disappointed by people.

 

I'm used to having certain advances rebuffed or rejected outright, and so the end result is an extreme fear of taking risks when it comes to women. I just automatically assume that I am unliked/unloved despite what words may imply. I'm always looking for *actions*, but even those alone don't seem to provide much reassurance since usually guys are the ones who make the first moves to begin with, and apparently certain actions of women don't necessarily imply interest (i.e. many actions also have huge overlap with actions of close friends).

 

Also, according to my roommate, the fact that she came back to the apartment with me on the first date made it more than obvious that she was ready to progress with things and get physical. It's just so hard for me to make first moves unless I know it's safe. Someone may *say* they're okay with something, but then if you actually do it, they may get scared and pull away. I don't want that happening here when everything else in the relationship is so great so far.

 

 

 

One part worries me a bit. She said she's extremely comfortable with me and doesn't get the same vibe that she's gotten from other guys (which makes her normally feel insecure/worried about speaking her mind out of fear of the guy leaving/catering to the guy/etc), which to me is a bit of a double edged sword. Not that I want my girlfriend to be afraid of me or anything, but it just feels like those type of guys have it so much easier when the girl is genuinely worried about losing the guy. I've heard that speech so many times before and it always winds up the same. They may feel comfortable, yes, but they don't worry about losing me (they usually lose attraction and look for greener grass, in the end). I want her to feel comfortable, but not so comfortable that she somehow loses attraction for me or stops caring about my feelings/what I think/etc.

[Rorschach]

My ex was generally worried about speaking her mind around me, always afraid of what I was going to think and stuff. Drove me nuts!

 

I hated it, couldn't stand it, DEFINITELY destroyed the relationship (among other things), if somebody can't be 100% open around you it's doomed to fail.

[Green]

While all the girls are ooohing and ahhing about how cute this thread is I on the other hand have been frustrated to see how reserved you are. This girl likes you a lot, you made it official and called her your gf for god sakes.

 

If I were single and dating and some girl I found to be beautiful came back to my apartment I would have her out of her clothes.

 

I'm not saying you have to get her naked, butt reall it sounds like you want to hold her and make out with her... So cmon man do it already. Stop being scared, just be yourelf. If being yourself means you want to hold her hand, then just do it. Rejection happens, but the only way to find true live is to give a person every oportunity to reject the true you.

 

Most girls would have been very turned off by the way you are acting. So, what im trying to say is this girl really likes you. Please just be yourself and get out of your head.

 

If you are in a honeymoon period take full advantage of it and just enjoy it. Do not avoid her because you are afraid of having nothing good to say. The only reason you should turn her down for hanging out is if you have something else you want to do or you are tired or what ever. Don't turn her down for hanging out because you are afraid! because that fear is your greatest enemy.

 

If the true you wants to have sex with her... I say go for it!

[Rorschach]

While all the girls are ooohing and ahhing about how cute this thread is I on the other hand have been frustrated to see how reserved you are. This girl likes you a lot, you made it official and called her your gf for god sakes.

 

If I were single and dating and some girl I found to be beautiful came back to my apartment I would have her out of her clothes.

 

I'm not saying you have to get her naked, butt reall it sounds like you want to hold her and make out with her... So cmon man do it already. Stop being scared, just be yourelf. If being yourself means you want to hold her hand, then just do it. Rejection happens, but the only way to find true live is to give a person every oportunity to reject the true you.

 

Most girls would have been very turned off by the way you are acting. So, what im trying to say is this girl really likes you. Please just be yourself and get out of your head.

 

If you are in a honeymoon period take full advantage of it and just enjoy it. Do not avoid her because you are afraid of having nothing good to say. The only reason you should turn her down for hanging out is if you have something else you want to do or you are tired or what ever. Don't turn her down for hanging out because you are afraid! because that fear is your greatest enemy.

 

If the true you wants to have sex with her... I say go for it!

 

*ahem* while I only read half your post I can officialy say stfu, not every guy is out there just to stick their dick in warm holes.

[VertexSquared]

While all the girls are ooohing and ahhing about how cute this thread is I on the other hand have been frustrated to see how reserved you are. This girl likes you a lot, you made it official and called her your gf for god sakes.

 

If I were single and dating and some girl I found to be beautiful came back to my apartment I would have her out of her clothes.

 

I'm not saying you have to get her naked, butt reall it sounds like you want to hold her and make out with her... So cmon man do it already. Stop being scared, just be yourelf. If being yourself means you want to hold her hand, then just do it. Rejection happens, but the only way to find true live is to give a person every oportunity to reject the true you.

 

Most girls would have been very turned off by the way you are acting. So, what im trying to say is this girl really likes you. Please just be yourself and get out of your head.

 

If you are in a honeymoon period take full advantage of it and just enjoy it. Do not avoid her because you are afraid of having nothing good to say. The only reason you should turn her down for hanging out is if you have something else you want to do or you are tired or what ever. Don't turn her down for hanging out because you are afraid! because that fear is your greatest enemy.

 

If the true you wants to have sex with her... I say go for it!

 

I appreciate the defense Rorschach but I don't think that is necessarily what Green is saying here, and in many ways I think I can agree with this. A lot of my problems seem to stem from all this crap that tends to churn up in my head, and it prevents me from acting on a lot of impulses. I'm not after a purely physical hookup or anything, but I am not against being physical early on if the chemistry's there. I *am* an extremely physical guy, but it's just hard for me to act on things early on.

 

I feel like I absolutely do need to just be myself, because what better way am I going to find someone compatible? I guess my fear is that I am compatible with nobody and that I need to suppress certain impulses.

 

But, so far, even this nervousness is part of "the true me" and she hasn't rejected it. To me, this speaks volumes about her character and priorities, and makes me feel a lot more at ease. Ever since that last meetup where we held hands/kissed/cuddled/etc, I think I'm going to be a lot more comfortable in the future doing these things again. I won't feel that "mindlock paralysis" that tends to strike me in the face of uncertainty.

[Green]

*ahem* while I only read half your post I can officialy say stfu, not every guy is out there just to stick their dick in warm holes.

 

read the entire post and try not to be so crude.

 

I appreciate the defense Rorschach but I don't think that is necessarily what Green is saying here, and in many ways I think I can agree with this. A lot of my problems seem to stem from all this crap that tends to churn up in my head, and it prevents me from acting on a lot of impulses. I'm not after a purely physical hookup or anything, but I am not against being physical early on if the chemistry's there. I *am* an extremely physical guy, but it's just hard for me to act on things early on.

 

I feel like I absolutely do need to just be myself, because what better way am I going to find someone compatible? I guess my fear is that I am compatible with nobody and that I need to suppress certain impulses.

 

But, so far, even this nervousness is part of "the true me" and she hasn't rejected it. To me, this speaks volumes about her character and priorities, and makes me feel a lot more at ease. Ever since that last meetup where we held hands/kissed/cuddled/etc, I think I'm going to be a lot more comfortable in the future doing these things again. I won't feel that "mindlock paralysis" that tends to strike me in the face of uncertainty.

 

Well break through your fear, and realize that if things don't work out you'll be fine. You will lose her if you let your fear make you into this safe guy, it will be a fake watered down version of yourself.

 

That was bad ass when you kissed her for like 10 secs as she waited for the taxi.

 

The best trick for letting lose and being yourself might be to drink a very small amount of alchol on friday night. Don't get drunk but get a good buzz going.

 

Look you will be golden if you just release yourself to this honeymoon period and get all cudly and kissy and yes if you want it sexy. Personaly my favorite part of the honeymoon period is all the sex. Its great even to cudle naked for an hour or more. Get into it, no more not doing things because you are nervouse. Enjoy being nervouse, and do what you want any way.

[Always A Lesson]

More confidence..... less thinking, don't think her away, before you get started.

 

Women love men who are confident it makes them more desirable....

 

It's new and she wants to be with you every moment, which is fine. As time goes on you both will begin to get your timing together.

 

You may be a nervous type of guy which is fine, and she m-a-y be a little clingy, which is fine too. But what you two have between you is honesty, communication, and both are attracted to each other intensely.

 

Consider it a blessing and RELAX and enjoy, in time you'll both overcome your own issues, and feel more comfortable with each other.

 

Don't rush anything, let it flow......

[VertexSquared]

Since we have two dates planned (one for today, one for tomorrow) she asked if she could stay at my place tonight since she's seeing me again anyway... to me this is a pretty clear sign.

 

But now I am panicking a bit. Tomorrow was supposed to be a sort of double-date with some friends of mine and I am not sure what their deal is, and so I may have to create alternate plans. Of course, I have to make something up soon because I can't plan while she's over with me.

 

Furthermore, uh, I am... not entirely prepared for what may happen tonight, so I need to figure out how the hell I'm going to take care of that since we're meeting after work.

 

Today's date is a "surprise" -- meaning she won't tell me what it is/where we are going/what we're doing. All she knows about tomorrow's plans, on the other hand, is that we were going to meet up with two of my friends for dinner, but I may need to think of something else, fast.

 

I want to be aggressive today, but I need to know what I'm doing.

Edited April 23, 2010 by VertexSquared

[VertexSquared]

How's the highline?

 

I am thinking maybe highline + lunch + go see a movie + meet up with my friends for dinner at 6 for double-date?

 

Not sure how long the highline takes to walk.

[Green]

Personaly I wouldn't want to do the double date thing if I were in some kind of honey moon phase. Wouldn't you just rather have her to yourself so you can make out and be all touchy without ur friends there to be grossed out?

 

If she stays at ur place and you feel like having sex please for the love of god mess that girl up.

[VertexSquared]

Personaly I wouldn't want to do the double date thing if I were in some kind of honey moon phase. Wouldn't you just rather have her to yourself so you can make out and be all touchy without ur friends there to be grossed out?

 

If she stays at ur place and you feel like having sex please for the love of god mess that girl up.

 

Ohhh believe me, sex is one thing I am really good at and have never had any mental blocks about. If we get into it, she's going to be dazed and unable to move for a week. XD

 

The double date thing is mainly to just have fun. I figure we're spending the rest of the day together tomorrow, so the double date thing is just one added layer to it all to spice things up a bit.

 

What do you think of my "date plan" for tomorrow?

[Green]

Ohhh believe me, sex is one thing I am really good at and have never had any mental blocks about. If we get into it, she's going to be dazed and unable to move for a week. XD

 

The double date thing is mainly to just have fun. I figure we're spending the rest of the day together tomorrow, so the double date thing is just one added layer to it all to spice things up a bit.

 

What do you think of my "date plan" for tomorrow?

 

You don't need a plan, just do what ever you feel like, take her to the park, ask her what she wants to do and if she doesnt say anything just suggest anything relaxing and fun. Bowling, park, a cheap 2$ a ticket improv show ect... try not to spend a lot of money doing fancy things early on comes off as trying to impress to much. Do free or cheap FUN things.

 

With the sex, just make sure you give it a good try at having sex with her. She will be more insulted if you don't try then if you do try and she rejects you. If she doesn't want to have sex don't act sad or disapointed ect. just have fun and keep trying another night. But don't give up so easy if she says no but seems like she wants to keep masaging or asking to just take her clothes. The trick is having fun and not turning it into a presuresome situation... but please for the love of god atleast try.

 

You could go to a farmers market tommorow... some girls like that. Could have a picnic?

[VertexSquared]

You don't need a plan, just do what ever you feel like, take her to the park, ask her what she wants to do and if she doesnt say anything just suggest anything relaxing and fun. Bowling, park, a cheap 2$ a ticket improv show ect... try not to spend a lot of money doing fancy things early on comes off as trying to impress to much. Do free or cheap FUN things.

 

With the sex, just make sure you give it a good try at having sex with her. She will be more insulted if you don't try then if you do try and she rejects you. If she doesn't want to have sex don't act sad or disapointed ect. just have fun and keep trying another night. But don't give up so easy if she says no but seems like she wants to keep masaging or asking to just take her clothes. The trick is having fun and not turning it into a presuresome situation... but please for the love of god atleast try.

 

You could go to a farmers market tommorow... some girls like that. Could have a picnic?

 

The high line is a free, elevated park -- so I think I'll definitely keep that. A movie is also fairly cheap, no? Also gives us time to be somewhat physical, even if just cuddling. Lunch I can also try to keep somewhat cheap.

 

I've never dated outside of a school setting before and so a lot of this stuff is so new to me. I am pretty sure she'd have sex if I went for it -- she's told me pretty explicitly that she's up for anything and everything.