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First in-person date after work today


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Posted
I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!

 

*does the happy dance*

 

I see everyone keeps saying "take it slow" but I say go with what feels natural. My boyfriend, that I also met on eHarmony, and I went about that fast. We "dated" a grand total of two weeks (and only because we were both out of town for the first week) before I told him I didn't want to date anybody else and he agreed.

 

It was completely uncharted territory as he is the type to date a girl for several months before deciding to be exclusive and then takes several more months after that to fall in love. Not so with us!

 

Our relationship is rock solid now and we couldn't be happier. I swear when people give eHarmony a chance it produces exactly the kind of person you're looking for. I'm convinced it did for me anyways. My boyfriend and I are the male/female versions of each other and I love every minute of it.

 

The two of you need to do exactly what you want and what both feels right to the two of you! (Screw what the rest of us think!)

 

Congrats on finding your gal!!!

 

This pretty much sums up our current sentiments on the matter as well. It's totally uncharted territory for us too, but it just feels very natural. We *could* wait a few months and see if any dealbreakers emerge, but honestly, if this doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. There are simply too many positive traits present and everything just feels so easy. I have maybe six years of relationship experience, and I can tell you that I've never felt this comfortable around another woman before. Being able to just be myself is a huge breath of fresh air. It's rare for me to find everything that I look for in a woman in one package.

Posted

Sometimes love happens, and sometimes it knocks you down. I know that sounds cliche'. Very nice story with a happy ending, congrats! :love::bunny:

  • Author
Posted

The thing that gives me butterflies is that we've only kissed once and have walked arm-in-arm... we haven't yet made out/held hands/gotten to that point where I can basically "hold" her (be it in public/etc). It'll be fun slowly pushing those thresholds. :p

  • Author
Posted

CM: How long have you and your guy been going out?

Posted
CM: How long have you and your guy been going out?

 

Since December. In the grand scheme of relationships for both of us, that's a really short time. But we are already going to talk about and decide whether we want to move in together when my lease is up and make a firm decision by June 1 so I can give my roommate plenty of notice. :bunny::love:

 

In a few months we can start a "why eHarmony is great" thread. :p

Posted

Aw, this thread made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Very happy for you! :]

Posted

This is great!!!!!!

 

Yeah!!!!!!

Posted

Very happy for you, Vertex!

 

My relationship took off very quickly as well. True, we met last May and didn't start dating until October, but once we did, there was no looking back...and we are now planning an October 2010 wedding. :)

 

Enjoy it! :)

  • Author
Posted

Now I am starting to worry a bit, haha.

 

We went for a walk yesterday and I started freezing up a bit. I got nervous and the convo wasn't nearly so flowy. I wanted to be a bit more physically affectionate but I'm just so shy -- she's basically mirroring what I am doing.

 

She told me that I give off a vibe that I have boundaries when it comes to being physical (holding hands/cuddling/kissing/sex/etc, none of which we've really done yet casually), although I told her that I in fact did not and was just a bit shy/nervous. Her response to me was basically that she has no boundaries when it comes to the person she's with.

 

I haven't dated for well over a year now... I feel so out of the game, haha. But I think she's basically trying to get me to be more physical, which I'm all for. My worry is that I'll smother her or something. I *really, really* enjoy being affectionate (not like 24/7 but very frequently) and touching, etc. I'm just worried that with all these things we've had in common so far, we might find some fundamental difference in this arena of things.

Posted (edited)

V, I honestly think that if you worry so much you're going to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

I think you need to understand that awkward moments happen, conversation isn't always perfect, and no two people ever go at the exact same speeds for everything and understand each other perfectly right from the beginning. Anyone who says that they've never had anything like that happen before is looking at their past through rose-tinted glasses. Differences happen. Stop trying to think about what you SHOULD do. Do what feels right and what you feel she wants you to do in the moment (unless it's a really dumb thing like unprotected sex, etc).

Edited by Elswyth
Posted

i think the both of you should stop analyzing every single action in hopes that it fits your hypothesis that youre perfect for one another and try to live in the moment more.

 

seriously... it was what? your second or third date? and you guys talked about your physical boundries with each other, instead of just pushing em?

 

i don't get it...

 

maybe thats why eharmony rejected my personality when i tried to set up an account tho.

Posted
Now I am starting to worry a bit, haha.

 

We went for a walk yesterday and I started freezing up a bit. I got nervous and the convo wasn't nearly so flowy. I wanted to be a bit more physically affectionate but I'm just so shy -- she's basically mirroring what I am doing.

 

She told me that I give off a vibe that I have boundaries when it comes to being physical (holding hands/cuddling/kissing/sex/etc, none of which we've really done yet casually), although I told her that I in fact did not and was just a bit shy/nervous. Her response to me was basically that she has no boundaries when it comes to the person she's with.

 

I haven't dated for well over a year now... I feel so out of the game, haha. But I think she's basically trying to get me to be more physical, which I'm all for. My worry is that I'll smother her or something. I *really, really* enjoy being affectionate (not like 24/7 but very frequently) and touching, etc. I'm just worried that with all these things we've had in common so far, we might find some fundamental difference in this arena of things.

 

She's telling you that she enjoys affection, and wants you to be more physically affectionate.

 

You *really, really* enjoy being affectionate.

 

So why are you even remotely concerned that there's a fundamental difference in this arena?

 

If anything, if you don't do something to show her you're physically attracted to her, she will lose interest.

 

Kiss her. Hug her. Pat her butt. Do something!

  • Author
Posted
She's telling you that she enjoys affection, and wants you to be more physically affectionate.

 

You *really, really* enjoy being affectionate.

 

So why are you even remotely concerned that there's a fundamental difference in this arena?

 

If anything, if you don't do something to show her you're physically attracted to her, she will lose interest.

 

Kiss her. Hug her. Pat her butt. Do something!

 

 

Alright, alright, haha, next time we meet, I'll do something. It's just that I don't want to reach for her hand only to find out that she doesn't like holding hands. Or maybe she's like my first ex who liked holding hands but not with intertwined fingers. Or maybe she doesn't like having an arm around her waist, etc. Too many things that could make her uncomfortable. I'm just gonna do what I like to do, I guess, and hope she's down, haha.

 

 

spookie: That's just what happens when you're really shy, heh. It's not exactly something I brag about.

Posted
Alright, alright, haha, next time we meet, I'll do something. It's just that I don't want to reach for her hand only to find out that she doesn't like holding hands. Or maybe she's like my first ex who liked holding hands but not with intertwined fingers. Or maybe she doesn't like having an arm around her waist, etc. Too many things that could make her uncomfortable. I'm just gonna do what I like to do, I guess, and hope she's down, haha.

 

 

spookie: That's just what happens when you're really shy, heh. It's not exactly something I brag about.

 

 

Dear, sweet Vertex !

 

You have so many people rooting for you ! I agree completely with stargazer here: your GF has given you the hints, you WANT to, worrying about the details is going to make you Rainman !:laugh:

 

NOBODY I really liked, did ONE small thing like hold my hand wrong and I was like " next" !

 

This is a time for BOTH of you to figure out how you like to cuddle, hug, hold hands, among other things.;)

 

Shy Is cool, you both have admitted you share that trait, so go for trying things, and you can even ask what she prefers in a flirtatious manner. (Just don't let yourself sound TOO neurotic.)

  • Author
Posted (edited)

We've got two more dates set up for this weekend -- including one that's a sort of double-date with two good friends of mine that are bf/gf (I at first invited her to Sat and she then asked if she could also see me Friday). That should be a lot of fun. I plan on using Friday to help get closer physically, and Saturday to sort of continue the pattern :p She isn't telling me what the Friday plan is -- she wanted to take control and plan that one out herself.

 

I feel like such an unappreciative stickler for bringing this up so early on in things, but the only problem I am seeing right now is that she wants to spend a lot of time with me, meaning talking while at work/calling each other on the phone daily/meeting in person/etc, which is all wonderful and everything, but my life is just not interesting and action-packed enough to have new things to talk about all the time, especially when I am working long hours in a new city (I'm still getting myself all fully set up/adjusted to the move). I feel like her schedule is very similar, which confuses me as to why she wants to talk with me so often when she's not going to have a whole lot of new stuff going on since our last correspondence, either.

 

I don't want to burn out so early in things. I feel like "pulling back a bit" may be a good idea, but I don't want to give her the wrong impression. She's told me a bit about her past (all I know is that "she's had a hard time keeping guys" in the past -- her relationships have lasted for maybe 6 months max, whereas mine have been over 2 years each). She's always taken the backseat in her prior relationships (she told me she used to never recommend restaurants because she didn't want the guy to think less of her choices, or wouldn't change the TV channel even if she hated what was on, etc). I was pretty tight-lipped about my past relationships since I don't feel they're relevant here anymore.

 

Anyways, any advice? I may be worrying over nothing, as usual, but it's just what I do.

Edited by VertexSquared
Posted

Hi V,

 

It seems that the level of honesty and disclosure you have already shared with each other has set a good foundation for you to share exactly what you just wrote.

 

On another note, you may want to watch out for possible low self-esteem issues to play out in bigger ways as things go on. You made mention of that early on (her possible self-esteem issues), I think even before you had met her in person, and now you mention it again. Has she offered any theories as to why she has trouble maintaining relationships beyond 6 months?

  • Author
Posted
Hi V,

 

It seems that the level of honesty and disclosure you have already shared with each other has set a good foundation for you to share exactly what you just wrote.

 

On another note, you may want to watch out for possible low self-esteem issues to play out in bigger ways as things go on. You made mention of that early on (her possible self-esteem issues), I think even before you had met her in person, and now you mention it again. Has she offered any theories as to why she has trouble maintaining relationships beyond 6 months?

 

This is one of the reasons I am hesitant to disclose my current concerns. I know I am nervous, and I know that I tend to overthink things. I honestly have no problem with this frequency of contact -- I mainly have problems with the fact that my life is not interesting enough to keep up with it. :p

 

She hasn't really given me any theories as to why she has trouble maintaining her relationships. She's said that in the past guys realize they don't like her as much as they thought they did and start stringing her along.

  • Author
Posted

Today seems to be going a bit better -- we're both busy at work today. :p

Posted

I'm new and this thread was one of the first I read, I've been following it.

 

I just wanted to say my boyfriend works crazy hours and most days he hasn't done much other than work or sleep but it's still easy to just spend time together even if there isn't much to talk about because neither of us have done much. This was something that worried me really early on because we do completely different jobs, he is much more interesting than me but we still manage to find things to talk about.

 

If you're happy together, that's what's important. I'm sure you'll find things to talk about.

 

Try not to over analyse things though. Sounds like things are going OK so far. Go with the flow and see what happens.

  • Author
Posted
I'm new and this thread was one of the first I read, I've been following it.

 

I just wanted to say my boyfriend works crazy hours and most days he hasn't done much other than work or sleep but it's still easy to just spend time together even if there isn't much to talk about because neither of us have done much. This was something that worried me really early on because we do completely different jobs, he is much more interesting than me but we still manage to find things to talk about.

 

If you're happy together, that's what's important. I'm sure you'll find things to talk about.

 

Try not to over analyse things though. Sounds like things are going OK so far. Go with the flow and see what happens.

 

What do you guys typically talk about? How often do you see each other?

Posted

It depends on the hours he's working but we usually see eachother about 3 times a week.

 

We talk about random stuff. He's a doctor, I'm not so we talk about his work, it's really interesting for me. We talk about films, things we've seen on TV, books we've read, how his family are (they're quite a long way away, I ask how they are when he's spoken to him), past trips we've been on. We started learning another language together so we talk about that too and practice with eachother.

 

Anything really. And sometimes we don't have much to say but it's just nice being with eachother and just watching TV or something. It really worried me that I'd end up being boring when we first met but it hasn't been an issue at all.

 

Don't worry!

  • Author
Posted

Now in addition to Fri/Sat, she wants to meet up after work today. I am pooping myself silly right about now.

  • Author
Posted

I don't know how to respond... I *want* to, but I'm just going to end up in a situation where I run out of things to say. I can't plan dates off the top of my head so frequently, haha. But on the other hand I don't want to make an excuse and lie and make up some plan that doesn't exist. And yet, on the other hand, I don't want to basically tell her "I'm not that interesting -- let's meet less often. lol"

Posted

Go out with her you pansy or I'ma march down to manhatten and kick you into next week. THAT'D give you something to talk about!

 

Seriously though, she doesn't CARE if you're being interesting or not, she just wants to be around you, and you want to be around her, give the lady what she wants!

Posted

Haha, she sounds really into you man. The degree of communication you two are doing in an out of the day just attests to that. You don't have to come up with a mind blowing date each time you meet up, it sounds like she just wants to be with you :).

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