failur3byh3art Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 (edited) Hey guys, where to begin...... Lately I've been dealing with an issue.. An issue being long distance relationship. I know and understand that some of you think LDR's dont work and some have had a good experience with it. But here's my story from beginning to end. Ok here goes. Back in 2008 I met this girl online Via a game and it turns out we've had things in common and ended up together. The relationship was fine until she ended up lying to me about her identity, via herself. She said she was 17 at the time and I was 18 when she really was 23. She said she lived in Canada when she lived in Germany. Her reason for lying to me was she loved me that much she didn't want to lose me. I can understand that maybe you dont want to lose the person you can say things that may be off. However I loved her far too much and forgave her for it. Things seemed fine until again this time she told me her real Birthday and name. I'll admit I might have over reacted but I was also upset that she lied to me twice and couldn't be totally honest with me from the beginning. Even so I loved her. One Major thing is she's highly unstable and insecure with herself. For one she never wanted to show herself to me via she always said "I'm ugly". One major factor about me is I don't care about looks, I'll always love the person for who they are so looks isnt a factor to me. I would reassure her everyday that I'll always love her no matter how she is, and soon enough I was able to see her. To be honest, she wasent ugly at all, in fact I thought she was the cutest girl I've seen. I wasent just saying that because I love her, I was saying that from heart. As time seemed to go by our relationship started to deteriorate due to lack of trust and insecuritys. She always seemed to hide things and tend to not tell me, it also didnt help that shes a very quiet person, very shy too. I had accepted her that way but the insecurity was just too much. It soon led to what caused us to split up. I began to become unstable myself and soon enough, whenever issues came up I would get extremely upset and begin to either cuss, or yell at her (You'd expect it happened over the phone). She's a very sensitive person and I feel so bad for the many times my cussing and yelling made her cry. I accused her of not really loving me and she would cry telling me how much she does. I never listened and it seemed to get worse. I understand I was the idiot and I caused the issues. Sometimes I never really understood why she worried so much though that I would consider her ugly. Throughout my relationships I've never broken up with anyone. I've always been so nice, Loyal but in the end they always leave me. However its no diff in this, I'm extremely loyal to her and I never cheated on her. I guess in some sense we had issues with that thinking one or the other would cheat on eachother. Our relationship had tons of problems and it fell fast because I admit, I was beginning to turn into an ******* >_>. Not only was I cussing but I would begin to not sign on or ignore her. Deep down I wasent doing it because I lost interest, I wanted time. I had suggested time apart one time to her and she said no, she was too clingy to me to agree with the time apart. So I attempted to stay in the relationship. It didn't work, we still argued, we fought and soon it ended with me disappearing. I may have "Disappeared" But along the lines I've missed her. I ended up comming on at times to just talk but even so we ended up argueing with our differences. It eventually ended. Last year around September was when it ended. We've been together for a year which is the longest relationship I've ever had. I've always thought about her, I've always felt so bad that I mistreated her when arguements started. People would tell me that it isnt my fault since I had a reason to be upset in the beginning, she had lied to me. Even so I believe it could've been handled a different way. Through the few months been apart from her til the new year I've grown extremely depressed and missed her. And this leads to my issue. When I came back completely this January she seemed very different. Her attitude changed, the way she spoke or typed had changed and it seemed like she was less caring of the person she once was. In fact she eventually started acting like the type of person she claimed to hate. It really set me off on a bad pace. However I'm 20 now, and through the time frame of our split up and now I've grown rather decent. I no longer see a point to getting upset and causing issues, which is a part of growing older and understanding more but... She seems to ignore me. Throughout this year she's seemed to reject me after the long relationship we've had and bonded to. I still love her, I never stopped loving her and what me and her had was special. Sure its crazy to say that I love someone especially since we've never met face to face but I've got strong beliefs. We both thought the same til "Stuff" happened. And right now whats hurting me the most is, I feel that she might like someone else. March: Worst month really. But here goes. Remember the game I said we met on(I didnt exactly mention what game it was but its a game)? On that game shes been talking to this other guy and well tends to spend her time with him. When I would talk to her via msn or attempt to call her she would tell me that she doesnt want to talk and whenever I got into convos with her she would ditch me to be with him. It came down to confrontation with her. And she told me she doesnt like anyone. Days would go by and I would always try to tell her how much I love her and it never seemed to click. I dont know im more or so scared that we wont end up together because when we were together we talked about so much, how we wanted to spend our lives together, have kids, marriage. We made it so clear to eachother and even if or when we were argueing we loved eachother. April: This month has gotten better but it still worries me. Lately shes told me that she doesnt like when the past is brought up and in fact shes been with me. We still do things together but arent back together. She always tells me how she doesnt like anyone but tends to bring stuff up which makes me believe she still likes me. What do you guys think? Lately we've been hanging out doing things online together, and the arguements are cutting short. We're getting along but the same "I dont want to be with you right now" comes up. Does she still like me? Am I too paranoid? She said she wants to take it slow but =/. Note: I left alot of stuff out, probably more important things but this is what sums it up from Sept 04 2008 to now. I really love her, I wouldnt ever hurt her. But what should I do? We still talk and I'm trying to make her happy but dont know if its working. The only thing I can say is she does tell me that I think too much and I need to stop worrying. Dx Any advice? We still talk so it must mean something. And yes I do feel bad about everything I've ever done and want to make it up, I truely love her and believe I've found my one person in my life even if she is far away and I want to actually see her. I am financially stable so I can technically see her right now if I wanted to. Also I've posted this before but on another acct. Didnt seem to get much but =/ March wasent such a good month along with the April part being new. I hope to hear from you all soon >< Edited April 16, 2010 by failur3byh3art
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