did i come on too strong?

[jmo28]

I feel like I have the same problem I did years ago when I used to write on here. Anyway, met this girl, we go out Sunday before last. We find out in 5 min that I'm a Red Sox fan and she a huge Yankee fan so we leave the wine bar and go to a regular bar and are flirting, giving each other crap etc and bet on the game basically deciding we were going to go out again. So I win the bet as Sox win and she has to buy me dinner.

Over the course of the week, we're talking, flirting, texting every day. At one point on Thursday she says "do you think its weird that we talk every day" and I said no because I feel comfortable talking with you, do you think its awkward? She says no as long as we're on the same page.

We opened up a bit as well.

Anyway, date 2 finally comes and she takes me out for a nice dinner then in the cab ride to a piano bar we start making out and she invites me to her apt instead. There things accelerate prob a little too much and we end up going down on each other. I get her off relatively quickly but she doesn't get me off (i often don't get off from bjs) and I nervously tell her its because of too much alone time on my part. While we're sitting in bed, I bring up the talking every day thing and she says "if it ain't broke don't fix it" and I say if i ever seem like i'm coming on too strong, just let me know" and she says "yeah me too". I do NOT sleep over as she says thats would be wrong on a second date and that I'm "supposed to miss her". I tell her I already do and leave.

 

Next morning I call her to thank her for dinner etc and she says your welcome in a flirty way and we joke around a bit and then agree to meet up again eventually. She was headed for a busy week traveling to see clients (she's a high powered corporate type).

I text again that night and she texts me b ack first thing the next morning. We text a little bit on mon usually with her saying somethign nice but also letting me know she's quite busy.

 

So then I wait a day and email her to check in and say hello on Wednesday and joke around a little and tell her about a Parkinsons walk next week (her father has Parkinsons). I also say I know you're busy etc but lets chat when you come up for air.

 

Now here's where I think i screwed up. Next day (last night), she emails back just saying thanks for the info on the walk and responding to something else again in an innocuous manner and says "hope your week is going well". So I'm out to dinner with an older (and supposedly wiser) female friend who says why don't you text her to see if you can call her tonight. I don't think its a good idea and do but no response.

 

I think the last text was too much and made me seem clingy. Here I just emailed her wed basically giving her space and then I text her the next day to try to get her on the phone while she's in the middle of an intense week working very long hrs. I buy the notiong that if she's incredibly into me she would not care so i don't think its definitely over. But I feel like I really screwed up. What do you guys think?

[Left in a Lurch]

If your are trying to date a woman, do not ever take dating advice from women. Ever. Period. Never.

 

Leave this girl a lone for a bit and let her contact you. If she doesn't contact you after the weekend, give her a call. She's busy, give her a little space and when you do talk to her be casual and don't act like you were pining away for her. If you even drop a hint that you were thinking about talking to her or texting her she will see you as a burden, one more thing to deal with. You're new to her and you need to give her time and space to adjust to dating you and she needs to get used to fitting you in her schedule.

[boogieboy]

If she was really into you it wouldnt have been a problem, and she would have at least texted you back. If you were texting every day and then she stopped, you might have said something that turned her off.

[Bartender]

I'm the exact same way. If I'm really into somebody I go overboard with texts, calls, and compliments which usually ends up scaring people off. I tell myself I'm not gonna do it but sure enough I can't help myself and end up shooting myself in the foot.

 

My last relationship ended abruptly. Things were going perfectly and I even patted myself on the back giving myself props until I stupidly told her that I saw a real future with us after only 2 dates. Things were never the same after that and things ended shortly there after.

 

So ladies, what's the best way for a guy not to go overboard but still show he really likes you?

[boogieboy]

 

So ladies, what's the best way for a guy not to go overboard but still show he really likes you?

 

You dont need to show you really like her, if youre hanging with her, she already knows. You keep it cool and you act like you dont need her.

[jmo28]

i agree with you guys

however, i also think i just should have asked her out already...maybe back on Sunday. here she went further with me than she expected and probably is gaging my interest. I'll call her sunday and act like nothing happened and just ask her out again.

 

i acted a little off...but i'm thinking its not a deal breaker (hopefully)

[Eeyore79]

You are stressing way too much over this! You need to cultivate a "don't care" attitude about whether or not she stays in touch with you. Yes, I know it's difficult to do that when you really like her, but you need to be realistic about the situation... if she likes you, she will contact you, and if she doesn't then she wasn't worth bothering with anyway.

 

Personally I don't think you have really overstepped the mark. You've had a couple of great dates, plus some sexual contact which shows she is attracted to you, plus she said she was happy with the daily contact via text etc. She's having a busy week and hasn't responded to you as much as before, but maybe she is genuinely busy and normal service will resume next week. You can't read too much into her unresponsiveness when she has already told you she's busy.

 

If I were you, I'd back off a bit and give her time to miss you... maybe contact her on Sunday as you suggested, and ask her on another date. But above all you need to stop thinking "does she, doesn't she" and just take things as they come. If she likes you, great, she'll be in touch... if not, you deserve better and there are plenty more fish in the sea.

[Bartender]

Do you think she might be backing off because of the awkward situation that went on the bedroom?..............I know if were with somebody and weren't able to please them I might be psychologically put off about the person I'm with without even intending to be...............just a thought:confused:

[jmo28]

i had that thought but i don't think so because

1. heh i posted on the sexual discussion and 2 girls responded saying that they would think nothing of it since it was a first encounter and i did get her off and people are nervous first time hooking up

and

2. when i called her the next morning she seemed as flirty etc as ever

[sullysteve]

If it's over, the last text alone probably isn't to blame. But it's the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Why do you need to text someone to ask permission to call them? All that incessant texting, calling and contact probably came across as needy and clingy.

[jmo28]

naw i'm with Eyesore on this one

the texting last week wasn't clingy; she wouldn't have invited me back to her place and ripped my clothes off if it was

 

i just may have been a little less man-ish this week

but i don't think its fatal yet....

[jmo28]

I called and left a message. I even mentioned a friend might have 2 extra Yankee tix for next Friday's game and offered to take her. I hate dating. I can't believe 1 week ago i was thanking a girl for taking me out to dinner and talking about things down the road, inviting me back to her place and going down on me and now I don't even think she's interested anymore.

 

I hate dating.

[Green]

If it doesn't work out so what. All you can do is try. Until you have the talk about going steady you should be trying to date other women.

 

That was really unsmooth of you not to just cum in her mouth... thats how I think you screwed it up. Please tell me you atleast made her get completely naked to give you the bj?

 

When you couldn't cum you shouldn't have said that you had to much alone time... you should have used that as an excuse to go all the way. In my mind a bj is more intimate the full on sex so why did you not even try.

 

Seriously when I was single if a girl brought me back to her apt I would mess her up... or atleast try. Doesn't sound like you even tried that hard. Then the next day when you called her after the bj you just thanked her for the dinner... what about thanking her for being so hot, and how sexy that all was?? thats really a must.

 

I don't think you can come on to strong. You just have to be respectful of peoples space and be yourself.

[ADF]

First of all, this post could have been MUCH shorter. We need a general idea of what the problem is, including any particularly relevant details. We do NOT need a play by play, minute by minute account of every single thing that ever passed between you. I say this because a post as needlessly long as yours is not going to get as many responses as it would if it were more on point.

 

That said, it sounds like both of you really like each other, but are overthinking this whole thing. You like to talk to each other, yet seem uncomfortable with that fact. You had oral sex together, yet decided staying over was against the rules or something. Chill out, guys. Stop worrying so much and just enjoy each other's company.

[jmo28]

Thanks All. ADF, I think I have to respectfully disagree with you. Perhaps its the lawyer in me, but my opinion is if you don't have all the facts and the "play by play", you really can't make an honest assessment of what happened. More "story" comes into play rather than a straight listing of what happened if you just provide a quick summary. Perhaps a shorter post is easier for you to read, but my goal was not to get tons of posters, but to get useful insight. I think those that take the time to read provide that.

 

Anyway, as I probably expected, I never heard back. But i'm fine about it now. I don't think I came on that overly strong and I think its a bit odd that a girl is that intimate with you and breaks off contact. She also told me last week she once had a bf that tried to hit her 6 yrs ago and went out of her way to tell me she's over it and not playing victim etc. However, I don't think this is the case.

 

Things moved too fast, thats the end of it. When a girl is revealing this much detail before a second date (ie about the ex, asking me if i've cheated etc) things are bound to burn out. Onto the next one...