Le Rendezvous Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 My fiance and I have been together for about a year and a half and recently it seems like we have been arguing a lot. She is from a foreign country and has been in America for three years. She was brought up with different cultural views than I but throughout our relationship it hasn't really affected things until recently. Her problem with me is that she says that I do not give her enough support in her life. I do not understand how I could be more helpful or loving to her. I am a pretty happy person but she seems to always have an attitude with me lately. Our arguments are the worst when we talk about financial issues. The thing is, I feel that I am doing all that I can and that whatever I do is not good enough for her. We are both college students and thus limited in our financial freedom. We moved into a new apartment with each other a few months ago and lately it seems as though she is never happy with me. She tells me that I do not support her enough. The thing is, I do everything I can for her and I feel that what I do is not reciprocated. When I'm not at school or work, I often help her with her job. She cleans houses and commercial business offices and many times throughout the week I spend 4-5 hours with her helping her clean. I mainly do this just to spend time with her as we are both quite busy. In addition to this, I also help her out with apartment and living expenses, food, her school work, and anything else that I am able to. The problems start when she starts asking me for things that I can't afford. She recently asked me to help her pay her credit card bills and car maintanence expenses. I told her that I am not able to because I do not have any extra money this week and she became infuriated. She becomes infuriated every time she asks me for financial help and I am not able to because of lack of funds. When I do help her out with things, it seems like she is quick to forget the things that I do for her and I feel as though whatever I do for her is not enough. I would be more motivated to help her if it seemed like she appreciated what I do for her. I feel like I do everthing I possibly can for her and she doesn't do the same. If I was to ask her for help with my car expenses or credit card bill, she would just laugh in my face. Last night was when she got upset because I couldn't help her with her finances any more than I already am. This morning, I got a text that said she will be coming home late because "she doesnt want to spend time with her mean fiance anymore". She has never came home late llike that before. I just don't know what I can do. It feels like I am trying my best but nothing I do is good enough for her. I really don't know if I want to get married to her anymore.
boogieboy Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 You cant be married to that, it will only be more problems down the road. Plus youre too young to be married now anyway. Is she rushing to be naturalized? Not only that, you shouldnt be considering marriage when you are struggling financially. Besides that, people start to get more annoyed and argumentative towards you when they start to lose attraction to you. That usually means they are looking elsewhere. Since she decides she doesnt want to come home the same time she usually does, you better find out who shes hanging with. Also you need to have a serious talk with her - without being accusatory, to find out what the real reason behind her anger is, it cant just be the finances. I hope for your sake she hasnt started making moves to move on. Actually, the way she acts, break the engagement now and you will dodge a bullet. Check out the marriage section of this board so you can see how people handle problems with finances in marriage. Its usually a HUGE problem.
carhill Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Break the engagement. She can keep the ring. 'I feel manipulated and unappreciated'. She's probably positioning for a swing to the next branch, TBH. It's been in the works for awhile.
make me believe Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 WOW she's obviously using you for financial help. Break up with her! It is always a red flag when somebody starts depending on you financially, unless you're already married & it's part of your agreement (stay at home mom, for example). But she is basically demanding money from you, and you're giving it to her, and she doesn't even appreciate it! STOP! You will be miserable if you marry this girl.
phineas Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 She knows she has you on a leash. Your paying her way even though she treats you like garbage. She is sucking you dry. Also, she must be very bad with finances if she keeps needing your help. Or she's lieing about needing the money for bills & using it for something else. Possibly socking it away for a security deposit & first months rent on a new apartment.
Author Le Rendezvous Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 I forgot to add that she does send a substantial amount of money away to her parents in a different country each month. This is why I've been eager to help thus far.
boogieboy Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I forgot to add that she does send a substantial amount of money away to her parents in a different country each month. This is why I've been eager to help thus far. Let her do that on her own, dont let her leech from you any longer. She will do this to you for the rest of her life.
VertexSquared Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Let her do that on her own, dont let her leech from you any longer. She will do this to you for the rest of her life. This. She's going to drain you, dude. Get out of there. I guarantee you that if you stick with this until you are literally penniless, she'll likely leave you anyway for someone who *can* afford to buy into her entitlement complex. The sooner you can cut your losses here, the better. She will likely not change her outlook.
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