Some of you know my story...But do you think my husband will leave me for her?

[edith]

My husband has been carrying out an emotional affair with a woman he used to work with for a year and a half. They have scheduled to get together more than once, but one of them always backs out. But even when he's the one stopping contact, it doesn't take long for him to go after her again - and he's always the one initiating contact.

 

I know from over 500 emails I found that they have discussed their families, A LOT of sex talk - including phone calls -, she went to his office once and he tried to get her to touch him and she said no, he wants her to go back to work with him, he wanted to go to HER HOUSE and meet her there, because he couldn't wait to see her (she said no). Then he suggested they meet even at a parking lot wherever her appointment was, because he couldn't wait... she also said no.

 

He has called her beautiful, talked about how perfect her make-up is, tells her she's cute when she makes jokes, told her that he j****d off thinking of her HUNDREDS of times, has sworn on the life of our children to make her believe one of his promises, she sent him a birthday gift.... countless things.

 

Do all of these things mean that he thinks about leaving me for her? (And yes, I know I should be leaving him, and I will, I just need to understand his level of involvement with her because it helps me to prepare.)

[scatterd]

I am so sorry you are going through this I know of no other pain as bad as this. My husband asked for a divorice out of the blue back in sept. I cried for weeks I went to an attorney and told him to prepare for a fight that I wont put up with his ****.He begged me not to.Then he was snuck a phone call in the basement got caught and contiued to lie.I had all my plans set up ahead on how I was getting out.He is not seeing her now she has taken work off and they dont speak.You need to let him know where the bears **** in the woods and get mad if he continues kick him to the curb.Im sure you did not marry him to put up with this.Dont allow anyman to take so much from you.Find someone honest and better dont allow him to contiue this at your exspence.Start to leave him If he wants that type of person let him go to

Again work on healing you. men like that are in bars on curbs and such.Find a man worth a dam.One more slip here I will.Lots of hugs and good luck

PS He sounds like he is going to do what he wants but dont let him see an attorney.:bunny:

[bananalaffytaffy]

Not being the one involved, it's hard to say. But in reading this post and your others, I suspect that once divorced he will continue to pursue her. But since she is married, it is unlikely that she will leave her husband for him. It doesn't seem that she's that unhappy in her marriage, but is getting an ego boost from your husband's "sweet nothings".

 

He's pretty likely to wind up empty-handed in the end. I'm very sorry that he is throwing away his marriage and his family for a pipe dream.

 

I wish you the best,

BLT

[BlueeyedJonesy]

oH EDITH, at this point it shouldn't matter what he chooses to do. The things he has done to you and continues to do are UNACCEPTABLE! I wish you would see this..you are basing your whole life on his decisions...that isn't living! aren't you exhausted? Leave him or you will live a life of ?'s please don't do this to yourself! are you in counseling?

[Disintegration]

Edith I'm not sure or not but have you confronted your H with the evidence you have? It seems like he is doing the majority of pursuing. You need to confront him and then just D him. He may or may not want to leave you for OW but does she even want to be with him? Would she even leave her H for your H? Maybe she just likes the attention she is receiving from your H but doesn't want to fully jeopardize her marriage for him by actually sleeping with your H.

[John Who]

I don't think he will leave you for her,like I said before I do not think he is in love with her.

 

Short story what you describe is everything how I was with my OW,since your other post I was thinking this.

 

I had over 500 emails exchanged between us.

 

ALOT of sex talk.

 

We too talked about family,kids,her H.

 

I always gave her compliments about her hair,make up,eyes,perfume,cloths,face you name it I complimented her.

 

We were friends,then went into a EA didnt have sex with her either.

 

Was I in love with her....No,did I want her sexually..yes,the sexual desire did not come till later after the emotional connection then I started getting curious about her sexually.

[LucreziaBorgia]

He will not leave you for her. He will have an affair and stay married to you.

[Owl]

Edith, what consequence has he suffered for continuing his affair with her? What reasons have you given to cause him to want to change his behavior, to want to end the affair and fix the marriage?

[bittersweet memories]

My husband has been carrying out an emotional affair with a woman he used to work with for a year and a half. They have scheduled to get together more than once, but one of them always backs out. But even when he's the one stopping contact, it doesn't take long for him to go after her again - and he's always the one initiating contact.

 

I know from over 500 emails I found that they have discussed their families, A LOT of sex talk - including phone calls -, she went to his office once and he tried to get her to touch him and she said no, he wants her to go back to work with him, he wanted to go to HER HOUSE and meet her there, because he couldn't wait to see her (she said no). Then he suggested they meet even at a parking lot wherever her appointment was, because he couldn't wait... she also said no.

 

He has called her beautiful, talked about how perfect her make-up is, tells her she's cute when she makes jokes, told her that he j****d off thinking of her HUNDREDS of times, has sworn on the life of our children to make her believe one of his promises, she sent him a birthday gift.... countless things.

 

Do all of these things mean that he thinks about leaving me for her? (And yes, I know I should be leaving him, and I will, I just need to understand his level of involvement with her because it helps me to prepare.)

 

Helps you to prepare for what? WhY are you waiting fo him to leave you?

[whichwayisup]

Fact is, in your previous thread you said you were planning on leaving him anyway..

Fact - He isn't showing you he deserves a second chance to save the marriage. His actions show you (time again and again) he's only looking out for himself and he's selfish.

Fact - He won't end the marriage and go be with the OW. Why should he? He's got TWO women, why give up one? Each of you put up with his crap on a stick, so why would he want to change that?

 

Get yourself a good lawyer and start divorce proceedings.

[Joe Normal]

I agree with LucreziaBorgia, he will have an affair if he isn't already. If you stay, he will continue in this affair in secret...or give it up, then start another one in a year or two.

 

So, you should leave, unless you want to be cheated on repeatedly for the rest of your life, and driven to despair. Find a good attorney and file papers, and when he begs you to stay, be strong and turn him down.

[D-Lish]

He will not leave you for her. He will have an affair and stay married to you.

 

 

And he will do so because he is confident you won't leave him.

[scatterd]

Edith

I am wondering if you are scared about where you are going to go and what will happen.I was horrified I did not feel confident until I seen a Attorney.If he was leaving he would do it now and if he is planning on it you are giving them more time to bond.You need yo confront him and tell him to get rid of her stop all contact and go to MC mine at first said no until he figured out

I was ready to leave and push forward.I was drained Thinking of even doing it made me cry but once I talked to family and had all my chickens in a row he begged to work it out and is back to his self I keep close tabs and I'm trying to trust but I'm strong and not willing to take any more.This post is not about me I dont mean it to sound that way I am hoping that you will take that first step to get your power back it cant hurt things that are already unbearable.You matter you have taken care of him and now take care of you he thinks he can do what he wants and you cant do nothing prove him wrong and talk to a counselor too.I know things will get better and my prayers are with you big hugs.:bunny:

[PlanetJanet]

Hello

 

I would venture to guess that he has no intention of leaving you. He is playing a fun little game with the woman at work. They are both playing it actually. Not sure what either of their motivations are, if it's just an ego boost or one of them really wants to get sexually involved.

 

But it really doesn't matter at this point. What matters is what you want and what you can accept. Do you want this man? Could you have a life with him knowing that he is capable of cheating? What would he do if you confronted him? Do you have any children?

 

I cannot imagine ever being able to sleep next to my spouse, or trust him, if I saw what you have seen. How hurtful and disrespectful and crushing. It may never have gone to the physical plane, but he clearly does not care that he is cheating on you. There is no way to rationalize such inappropriate conversations. Do you see any remorse or second thoughts in his messages?

 

Unless he is willing to cut it off with her, change jobs, and go to counseling to fix the marriage (assuming you'd even want him) dump his a** and move on.