lisal0u Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Hi, I was in a relationship for 14 years and was dumped out of the blue! He was overly friendly with a girl he worked with and it always bothered me and im more than sure she's the reason for the split! The weekend after we split he drove 5 hours to see her and has seen her 8/9 weekends we've been apart! 2 weeks after we split up he tells me she's left her husband! He tells me they are just friends but I don't believe him at all and I'd like to know a few things that her ex might be able to tell me! I want to know if I was cheated on and do i need to get to a clinic and get checked out? So do I contact him and try and get some answers?!
thisdayforward Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I wouldn't recommend contacting the OW's ex. It seems like the less details you know in situations like the, the less you have to dwell on and overcome to be able to move on. But I also think it would be wise to go get checked. Better to be safe than sorry. You can simply go get checked without contacting the OW's ex. Hang in there!
Author lisal0u Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Thanks thisdayforward! I just feel like the not knowing and him making a fool out of me is tearing me apart! I just dont know how one day he can love me then the next he's with someone else! After all this time I deserve to be treated better and at least be told the truth! He told me he wanted to be on his own to become a better person but everyhting he is doing is for her! He's taken up running because she does, snowboarding because she does and now only eating organic meat because shes a vegetarian and doesnt believe in eating anything that hasnt had a happy life - he used to complain about the price when I bought free range chicken! I know this sounds really trivial but it really hurts! Hes completely changing and its all for her, why couldnt he put all this effort into fixing us! sigh
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 His ex does not have the luxury of knowing why his wife left him and I can see him being any one of these guys on here with 'walk away wives' who seem to have left them for "no reason". These guys are in agony not knowing, and I'm sure any one of them would tell you to go ahead and tell him. That missing piece hurts, but it is a blessing to know rather than dying slowly every day with the not knowing and the 'trying to win her back' stuff. Tell him everything you know.
Author lisal0u Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 I know that they only got married just over 2 years ago and had been together 7 years. After they got married they went to buy a house but couldnt because he had a lot of debt that she knew nothing about! I actually felt sorry for her! Once she found this out thats when I think she started turning to my boyfriend! They were trying to fix things and in that time Stuart didnt hear a thing from her. Then the contact started up again because it obviously wasnt working! I wish I had put my foot down about their friendship! I thought things were good between us as he suggested buying a house! I just cant help thinking what does she have that I dont They OW and EH have seperated and apparently after a year they are then legally seperated and no longer married, they dont have to get a divorce? I wonder if he knew what was going on if he would still only want to seperate?! Apparently she told him that he wasnt making any effort in their relationship (pretty much what I got told) and he should because of the deceit! This is why he will think their relationship is over rather then another man catching her attention! I really hope its rebound and goes very wrong and he has to feel this pain! He has shut out most of his friends for her so he would have no one if that happened! Im sure the 5 hour distance wont help! This is so hard!
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I just cant help thinking what does she have that I dont A failed marriage, the expense of divorce and a man who cheats.
Author lisal0u Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 A failed marriage, the expense of divorce and a man who cheats. Thanks, that made me smile!
mikeymad Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 You can always take solace in the fact that they both have to put trust in another person who cheated on their spouse, so can they really ever trust each other. This relationship will most likely crash and burn, and he will come crawling back to you. Plus the fact that you were together 14 years and not making it official (marriage) likely points to some commitment issues. Remember, the one who cares the least has the most power.
Author lisal0u Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 You can always take solace in the fact that they both have to put trust in another person who cheated on their spouse, so can they really ever trust each other. This relationship will most likely crash and burn, and he will come crawling back to you. Plus the fact that you were together 14 years and not making it official (marriage) likely points to some commitment issues. Remember, the one who cares the least has the most power. I wish I didnt care but its hard to stop but Im getting there! The more things he does, like changing what he eats for her, the easier it gets to think hes a total idiot and will never change for himself! He will never be on his own or figure out who he is because he will always rely on someone else! I honestly think they both think they have done and are doing nothing wrong, so Im sure they dont think what they did was cheating! I brought up the fact that he never asked me to marry him a few times and he would always say he didnt think it was important and he wasnt ready! I thought him suggesting buying a house was a pretty big commitment to me but I guess not! I have certainly learnt a lot from this horrible experience and I hope to never have to go through it again!
hopesndreams Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Yes, do it. If it is something you need to move on with your life and to put the cheating toe rag behind you. As for his new R with the OW, who was once MOW when they started sneaking around, will it end in disaster for him? Yes, it really will. Especially so when he turns to you and you are no longer there for him. Do not wait for that day to happen. Chances are they will continue to be an item for as long as 2 years until the R they built on lies and deceit comes crashing down on them.
Author lisal0u Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Hi hopesndreams, I really do hope it ends in disaster and Im certainly not going to wait around for him! I loved what he was and not what he is now and is becomming! I had an email all typed out to send to him but thought I would wait to see what people had to say on here! When Ive gone back to it its gone Maybe thats a sign I shouldnt send it, I dont know! I was so upset this morning and most of today but feel better now! This roller coaster of emotions is too much to take sometimes! I havent written off sending him an email yet, Im just going to think about it a bit more!
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