themusichorse Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Ok, so I have an ex that I still have feelings for and we only just broke up in late March. I still love him and care about him and still want to be with him and I have told him this. He hasn't really answered me about how he feels though....when I ask him if he wants to be with me he just keeps saying that he doesn't know....but today he said that he loved me and I said that i love him back. Am I asking him too much if he wants to be with me again? Should I give him time? He has given me hints that he isn't really sure what he wants...but I have been really asking alot lately because I kinda want to know what he really wants because I have told him what I want. But I guess he got upset at me for asking so much and he thinks that I have another guy because today he also sent me a text saying that the more I ask him if he wants to be with me the more he is sure and he said for me to go be with the other guy and that he would step away...but I don't have another guy and never have...so I dont know whats going on...I just want for both of us to be happy and right now I dont knwo what he wants...its really bothering me. Please can I get some advice on this?
EthanH Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 ok, I ask you a question... if you were single, and you met someone. Would you get with that person if they weren't sure at first? You would want to know that they liked you enough. So this situation, it is totally unhealthy. You are trying to ask him over and over until he says yes. The problem is, for it to work between you, he has to decide ON HIS OWN that he wants to be with you. Otherwise it will be totally unbalanced. Anytime he has doubts in the future if he gets back with you after you persuade him, he will regret being swayed. He needs to make the decision himself. He knows what you think. Just let him decide. Don't be needy, it isn't attractive.
cupcake2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 He has to 100% know for sure what he really wants to do. Never wait on a man if he's unsure about love, especially when it isn't mutual. It also depends on what happened with your breakup; he could have trust issues and be hesitant to even want to feel something for you again. Whatever it is, don't wait too long...life is short but love shall never wither.
Author themusichorse Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 yeah i guess your right...I have been getting told by more than a few people that it could be unhealthy...and he did decide to get back with me but now he is saying he is wondering if it was a mistake and he is already reconsidering...I dont want him to feel that way..i want him to be happy. But right now he said that to help me learn to treat him better that he is going to treat me the exact same way that I treat him until I learn that the way i treat him and other people i guess isn't right. And to answer your question: I don't think i woudl be with someone if they weren't sure and i was single....the only reason i considered being with my ex is because i still love him and have feelings for him and care about him. I could use some feedback on what i should do about him wanting to mirror everything i do....he said that he will try to get me to stop but that he is trying to help me but he isn't sure how long he will take it. he brought up mirroring me becasue i got upset that he wouldnt tell me what happened with him and another girl he had posted a status on facebook and it said something along the lines of he was really mad at someones bull**** and told them to grow up and **** you...so he didnt want to tell me what happened just that it was with him and another girl.....i just have a hard time becasue i feel like he should open up to me and talk to me about things but sometimes i feel like he doesnt tell me things and it makes my mind wander in millons of places....so any more advice pleasefeel free.
Author themusichorse Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 he also said though that he doesnt feel like i love him...that he wants me to show him...that me bitching and complaining about him not calling me pet names and then texting him when he was in class doesnt show him that i care or love him...but at the same time he doesnt really reassure me that much especially when i try telling him how i felt about him not telling me things...he said i was just jealous...and i probably was...but i dont know how to show him i love him....i could use some advice on that too...
2sunny Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 the more you chase - the more he will run away. he would be SURE of what he wanted IF he actually wanted you. he doesn't really want you - or at least, he doesn't want you that bad.
Author themusichorse Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 ok so your saying that i should just leave him alone and he will probably come back? but it doesnt seem like he wants to be with me that bad? why do guys do that? he told me he wanted to be with me and wanted this to work and i told him thesame thing....ugh this is confusing.
2sunny Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 the more you chase - the more he will run away. he would be SURE of what he wanted IF he actually wanted you. he doesn't really want you - or at least, he doesn't want you that bad. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: re read my post. to stay away is for YOU to heal and to move forward. stop worrying how he feels more than how YOU feel. he's not feeling as much as you do - that is obvious.
EthanH Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 ok so your saying that i should just leave him alone and he will probably come back? but it doesnt seem like he wants to be with me that bad? um, look at what you have just written. Do you really believe this? If you do, then leave him alone, let him do the running and you will be able to prove if he likes you 'that bad'... I just think you need to stop playing games, stop over-analysing what he says... what he means...the simple fact, you have to let him make a decision. Him saying about him wanting you to be with another guy could just be him fishing for him to get you to say you don't want to be with anyone else. The fact is, he is the one who broke up with you and then he is the one who thinks he can say to you that you need to prove to him that you love him! It is totally warped. If anything, it should be him proving his 'love'... I think you need to stop letting him mess you around.
Author themusichorse Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 yeah thats how i have been feeling...he should be showing me that he loves me...and everyone else has been saying that i havent been doign anything wrong. so thank you for your advice and comments they are appreciated.
LisaUk Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 But right now he said that to help me learn to treat him better that he is going to treat me the exact same way that I treat him until I learn that the way i treat him and other people i guess isn't right. I could use some feedback on what i should do about him wanting to mirror everything i do....he said that he will try to get me to stop but that he is trying to help me but he isn't sure how long he will take it. Hi I'm not sure how old you are but you mention class so I am guessing you are in your teens or early twenties? Sweetie what you describe above, that is ABUSE. Emotional abuse. He's going to treat you until you learn to treat him better? WTF? That isn't a healthy adult relationship, it's abuse or plain imaturity, but it isn't the way you deserve to be treated. A healthy, adult relationship should involve calm, clear communication, understanding and compromise to work through issues. Not manipulation, or teaching you a lesson! What would you say to a friend who said "my BF told me he has to treat me bad (b/c that's what he is implying, not true though), until I learn to treat him right" ? Can you see how twisted that is? If someone loves you and cares for you they don't try to improve you! Or teach you anything, they love you for who you are. My advice is to cut all contact with him, complete NC and find someone who is capable of a mature relationship who will traet you with some respect.
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