Romance Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 My boyfriend's mother introduces me as "His friend". When he goes "Mom,..what?" She goes "well clearly she is a girl, i don't need to add that part!" ..We've dated for two years. To me, it seems like she doesn't want to acknowledge me or doesn't like me. She is a bit older though, about 60 and is traditional..but still..I can't tell if I should feel hurt? It is important for parents to like me. I do get an impression she doesn't care for me..but my boyfriend says I'm insane, she hugs me goodbye and clearly she likes me..but uh, i dont know. opinions please, thanks.
boogieboy Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 How bout you ask HER why she calls you that? If youre not going to get to the bottom of it, theres no need to worry about whether or not she likes you. You just didnt earn your way to her heart yet.
Author Romance Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 I'm not really going to confront her. Definitely not. I'm simply asking if other people would feel insulted if their s.o.'s parents just introduced them as 'a friend'.
Mr White Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 It's simple - all mothers are freaking crazy in that regard --> no woman - real or imaginary - will EVER be good enough for their little boy. PS You will be the same way once you ang your bf get married and have a son
allina Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Yes, I would be insulted! It's been two years! He should talk to his mom about it, I'm surprised he hasn't already.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 (edited) What would be wrong with introducing yourself as his GF and not even letting his mum get a chance to introduce you as a friend? Or if introduced by her, you could always politely say, "Hello, I am so-and-so's GIRL friend." Just like if someone mis pronounced your name, you would politely correct them by telling them your name and moving on. Did she refer to his other girlfriends as "friends"? If so, I wouldn't bother, it's just her way of speaking. If not, then it's meant as a dig to you. My H's mom would sometimes introduce me as his "little friend" while we were dating. It wasn't meant as in insult. Coming from her it was a sweet compliment. Edited April 16, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy
carhill Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 After he proposes, she will refer to you as his 'fiance'. After you are married, she will refer to you as his 'wife'. After you and he have children, she will refer to you as her 'daughter in law'. See how that works? IMO, a more important issue is how your boyfriend handles *his* relationship with his mother. Watch that carefully. Good luck
Author Romance Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Okay, yeah I guess maybe once we are more serious and engaged, perhaps then she will acknowledge it. If she doesn't THEN I will definitely be like "Uhhh....." And either correct her or have my boyfriend talk to her. He treats his mom with great respect, I think maybe that is even part of the reason why he hasn't corrected her, we both just let it go. It isn't a huge deal or anything, usually they understand we're dating. Ohh well.
carhill Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Respect is a healthy thing. It's also a two-way street. That's the dynamic to watch, if you're serious about this guy. There will come a day, if you and he are serious, where he will prioritize you over his mother. That's part of the process of cleaving to one's spouse. How they interrelate is critical to the health of the subsequent relationship, both with you and with her, as well as your relationship with her. How does his mom treat *you*, as his 'friend', accepting that 'friend' is not a negative word? Good indicator of the future, IMO.
make me believe Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 That wouldn't bother me because my mom does the same thing to my boyfriends! It's just how she is. Everyone knows what she means, so it's not a big deal IMO. I agree that she'll most likely call you his fiancee if you two get engaged, then wife, etc. If you got engaged and she still called you his "friend" that would not be cool, but until then I don't think it really matters, as long as she is nice & respectful to you.
Author Romance Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 We're long distance so I have met her a handful of times. A big family dinner is coming up soon for my bf's graduation from college and he invited me..so I guess I'll have to really take in how she treats me and also see if she treats his brothers fiance in a similar fashion.
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