georgia girl Posted April 18, 2010 Posted April 18, 2010 Wheelwright, This is just my experience but with my first love, we broke up and I thought I loved him/missed him for over a year after we broke up. I got asked out and wouldn't go, because I just wasn't over him. (We started dating in high school and dated the entire four years of college; we broke up when I went away to law school and he cheated on me.) Like you, I had things to validate me - making law review, running, a great circle of friends, etc. But, I loved him and I wanted only him. Eventually, a great guy came along and he didn't try to be my boyfriend. He had a broken heart, too, and we mutually "used" each other for dates to weddings, etc. With no pressure, I fell in love with him and realized something very, very important that everyone had tried to tell me but I hadn't listened. So, here goes: As much as you loved HIM, when you can't get over someone it's not usually about him anymore. It's about the loss of a relationship. It's about idealizing and fantasizing about what it would be like to be back together... to have your life back. It's about having a partner again and envisioning how that would work. Yes, you still miss the man, but sometimes missing the life is the harder part to get over. BTW, the second guy and I broke up, but I'm now marrying my soul mate. We do live to love again. It's hard and it's sometimes it seems like the sad times are so much greater than the happy times. But we get there and it's amazing. Truly amazing.
Montclair0011 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 I can totally relate to this thread. I don't think the OP is normal, but she's not crazy either. There are lots of people with the same problem, including me. I broke off with my MM over a year ago, and have had little contact except for seeing him once in July and a few emails last August. I guess it is totally over for him. For me it is just endless pain. I miss him terribly. I've been seeing someone new for most of the year, but I just don't click with the new person. I'm not sure if it is because I love someone else or if we are just not compatible or other reasons. I'm trying to give it a chance. I think the other posters had good insights into the reasons. I also had a distant father who neglected me. My mother was no winner either. I have a long history of unrequited love. My husband left me for an old friend and I still have deep wounds from that experience. Another issue is that I'm unemployed and that does not help my self-esteem. I basically don't have a life and have lots of stress and worry. I think if I get a job, things will improve and maybe I can forget about HIM. But given my past history, it might take awhile. I envy people who can just move on. But, on the positive side, I am no longer in love with the men I obsessed about in the past. So, time does heal all wounds, but some of us take longer, a lot longer.
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