TLH Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 How long was your relationship and how long have you been NC? Where are you in terms of healing? Also, what methods of distraction have worked for you? For some reason, I feel like knowing this will make me feel more connected and not so alone. I'm struggling and I need some glimpses of hope and inspiration. This is my first weekend alone, and I'm scared of the pain/loneliness and don't know how to cope. All suggestions and encouragement are welcome :-)
USMCHokie Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Relationship lasted about 6-7 months...broken up for about 8 months now, 7 months NC...I still think about her from time to time... Dated a few girls since then, but nothing serious developed...but I think I'm doing alright...
skydiveaddict Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 How long was your relationship and how long have you been NC? Where are you in terms of healing? Also, what methods of distraction have worked for you? For some reason, I feel like knowing this will make me feel more connected and not so alone. I'm struggling and I need some glimpses of hope and inspiration. This is my first weekend alone, and I'm scared of the pain/loneliness and don't know how to cope. All suggestions and encouragement are welcome :-) 1. many months 2 NC for 5 months 3.Skydiving, hitting the gym, hanging with friends, Nat'l Guard duty 4. You will be ok . It's natural to feel scared. Just get up for anything. go out with friends. keep them around you all the time. This will only heal with time and distractions
cookiecrumbles Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Trust me you are not alone. I used to come on here after my break up few years ago because i was so distraught over it all and pretty much thought noone could be feeling the same way i do, but this is a good place to understand what your going through. This place has good advice on how to cope because we have all been through it and know what the process is like. You should follow what people say, even though noone really does at first because its too hard, eventually you will become one of us and totally understand what you should of done. You need to occupy your mind with anything, definately spending time with friends is key. Sign up for a new hobby, the gym is definately a release! I used to like putting music on and going for long walks or drives, just observe people around you and know life goes on. You should try and realise that everything happens for a reason and whats meant to be is meant to be. All comes to you in time, in the meantime try to think about yourself, not your ex.!
Author TLH Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Hi Cookie- Thanks for your advice :-) I started NC instantly and have not reverted since. I don't think that I will. I knew before he broke up with me that he was not the person for me. I had accepted this fact but did not know how to proceed. So while the breakup is painful and confusing, I really truly want to heal and move on. We were together for 6 years and our relationship began in high school. So of course, as we grew up we started to diverge in different directions. I don't miss him. But I do miss the comfort of having someone. I miss knowing that there would be someone waking up next to me. And while it is excruciating, I know that I deserve better. I wasn't treated badly, but there was definitely a lack of caring. I can only hope that I can make it through this weekend. I have to believe that I am capable of doing this. And I will do it. And hopefully it only gets easier from this point on. Thank you again for your suggestions :-)
Author TLH Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Hey Skydiver!! I think that you will be pleased to know that I am actually considering skydiving. And by considering I mean that I called today and got all the details to set up a date. Just the thought of the rush makes me feel a lot better. And hopefully it will be a short amount of time that I'm able to forget about my ex. Any suggestions for a good first time skydiving experience?
shadowplay Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 1. 4 months, broke up a week ago 2. We can't be no contact, because we're in the same classes and are working on a project together in one of the classes (which we started pre-breakup). But actually I think the contact has helped me. It has given me more evidence for how weak he is, which is allowing me to topple him from the pedestal I erected. 3. Really focusing on my work, making and going to appointments, seeing therapists (I'm looking for a new one), doing good things for myself. 4. I was doing pretty miserably until the last day or two.
cookiecrumbles Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 No problem thats good to hear you have done NC, i wish i had done that before lol. It really is a key to moving on. Contact just complicates and clouds your thoughts and prolongs the process. Im glad you want to move on and know that you deserve better (as in someone caring for you more) because thats how it should be. It definately is hard to become independant again after being with someone for so long, but after awhile you do get used to it and in my case i quite enjoyed it. Once you get over that phase it will make you feel ready to express yourself in a better light too. Makes you stronger for sure! Alot of people make the mistake of wanting their ex back just for the comfort of having someone there, not actually that they still want them personally. Its just a comfort thing. But im sure with a bit of will power you will do just fine, just keep your mind going! It definately does get easier each day, Good luck, i hope you can get through it and come out on top Just know you deserve the best.
shadowplay Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I'm glad you are doing better Shadow Thanks! Yeah, it's a huge relief to be feeling better, even if it's temporary. It's like I suddenly saw the reality of the situation and how he treated me. How are you doing?
CLC2008 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 How long was your relationship and how long have you been NC? Where are you in terms of healing? Also, what methods of distraction have worked for you? For some reason, I feel like knowing this will make me feel more connected and not so alone. I'm struggling and I need some glimpses of hope and inspiration. This is my first weekend alone, and I'm scared of the pain/loneliness and don't know how to cope. All suggestions and encouragement are welcome :-) Mutually exclusive/committed relationship: 1. 6 years 2. Around 4 years 3. About a million light years in the past 4. Living life, introspection, moving forward.
skydiveaddict Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Thanks! Yeah, it's a huge relief to be feeling better, even if it's temporary. It's like I suddenly saw the reality of the situation and how he treated me. How are you doing? I'm ok. But I'm not as tough as you are
shadowplay Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I'm ok. But I'm not as tough as you are You're stronger than you think.
monkeymaid Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 2 years just shy of 2 months nc my cycle is at about 2 weeks right now. .....i am sad for an hour or so, then go through the 5 stages of grief over the next week, and am good for about a week then it starts over. ....next time should be 3-4 weeks the gym 5 days a week, surfing, my friend (my best bud from 6 yrs old), mountain biking, school (psycho-biology really helps to understan why and how we go through all of this), building my business, tral running, hiking, yoga, working on my 55 ford, making lists of things i like about me, reading a lot of books!!, drawing, playing with my niece and nephew, parkour, picked up capoeira, ...there is a lot!!! i think all of us are tougher than we think ourselves to be!
Full Moon Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Our relationship lasted for 10 months. I immediately began NC and after 4 months he contacted my via e-mail expressing how he just has such great memories when he thinks of me and, most importantly, apologizing for the way we split, how he treated me during our split, and asking for my forgiveness. I replied some days later thanking him for the apology. That was 3 months ago. He has contacted me twice since the apology but I haven't responded. I feel that I'm starting to come out of my depression stage. Looking back, I can see how much I isolated myself over the last 7 months. I've been reading alot and working out, too. I'm not really ready to have a BF again but I have been on a couple of dates recently. I'm still healing and sometimes I still hope but it's def not like it used to be.
skydiveaddict Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Hey Skydiver!! I think that you will be pleased to know that I am actually considering skydiving. And by considering I mean that I called today and got all the details to set up a date. Just the thought of the rush makes me feel a lot better. And hopefully it will be a short amount of time that I'm able to forget about my ex. Any suggestions for a good first time skydiving experience? Yes I have a few. First, wear jeans (no shorts). Next , if you wear a necklace of any kind remove it or tape it to your shirt or you will lose it Remember, you will be free falling @ 120 mph and the wind will tear it right off your neck. You will be tandem w/an instructor, so the rest is just follow his instructions (which are few). Most places will video your jump if you'd like as well. And most of all remember how much fun it was. Also, notice how many guys will be flirting w/you and how easily you can make new friends. Let me know when you're gonna jump ok? I'm really stoked that you're gonna do this. good luck to ya
Author TLH Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Alright skydiver! I am booked for 11am on Sunday, April 25! No turning back now. I'm going without any friends. Completely solo. I think that it's a good way to face my fears and completely trust myself. I am so proud of my courage to skydive, and this courage makes me believe that I can overcome my breakup. It is very empowering. And I also have something to look forward to and create new memories as a single young BRAVE and strong woman. I suggested skydiving to my ex before and he completely shut it down. So I feel great to finally do what I want. Thank you for all your suggestions! Just one more quick question- skydiving is very safe, right?
skydiveaddict Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Yes skydiving is safe. I'm really stoked that you're going to try it. Get ready for the rush of your life. you must write about how it went for you after you've done it.
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 OP: I had a most wonderful relationship with my first REAL love. It lasted 2 years 3 months. He broke up with me and it's been 4 weeks now. Real NC is now 1.5 w for me. He didn't make any attempts in contacting me in these 4 weeks though. I've had my fair share of moodswings. Still have them, but overall feel = I'm doing better each day! I see my life awaits me with open arms and everyday I'm getting more and more ready to just dive into it
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