Need an honest answer

[fallapart1016]

This is my first post, so here it goes, where to begin. Before this girl I dated someone for 4 years. I graduated college last May, and while in college I met the most amazing and great girl. I was a Sophmore, and she was a Freshman. It was seriously love at first sight. Anyways, our relationship was great. I am from PA, I went to school by West Chester, PA and she went to the same school. Draw back, she is from MA, summer stinked, but I was always touring with bands. Pretty much got a free ride up to see her, but she would come down for a week and I would go up for a week. It was long distance and it worked. We thought we were meant for each other. That brings to now, she is still in school, and I have a full time job up here in Lehigh Valley, PA were I live. For awhile she said something has changed and we tried to fix it, but she didn't know what was the problem. January 5 was 3 years, and a few weeks later, follow a break up. She said it was because she had a lot on her plate, my college offers if you make 4.0 for 2 years you can get your Masters in one year. She will be down there longer and is becoming a teacher, so has to teach in PA. Also that she wanted to spend more time with friends before it all ends. She would drive up one weekend and I would drive down the other. I feel that did a toll on her, but long distance was never a problem, and being 45 minutes away if better than 5 hours. Now I will admit going from seeing someone a lot and then not you get jealous and stupid. This might have caused a problem, but on the other hand she started to become distance it seemed. We were both to blame and knew it and need to stand back and see our problems.

 

After the break up we would exchange emails and random texts, I got pathetic at times. Now it has been 3 months since the break up I haven't talked to her in a week. I haven't seen her in a long time, and I have heard her voice in forever. I have written a letter, and surprised her at her work on Valentine Day's. Offered many times to see her because I will be in the area and she kind of says I want to but I don't know. My college had a ball which she went with a year younger guy that isn't her type but might be something, which makes this worse.

 

Everyone says don't talk to her and she will come back, which I have been doing, but is it the right thing? I feel doing that someone else is getting closer and she is forgetting me more. My other question is, do second chances happen? I know I might have missed a lot, if you need more info. let me know. I just want her back.

[skydiveaddict]

From my experience 2nd chances are rare. You're just going to have to see how this all plays out

[TLH]

I feel your pain my friend. Relationships are extremely tricky and it is very painful when things aren't the way you want them to be. I would suggest that you continue having no contact. I would not rule out a reconciliation, but you have to understand that the only way a second chance would work is if both people take some time out to think, reflect, and really figure out what they want from the relationship.

 

Is it difficult at first? Absolutely.

 

Does it hurt like hell? Oh yes.

 

But it is the only way. Right now you are not rational. You are ruled by your emotions. And reconciling while ruled by emotions usually ends up in disaster. You need to give the girl some space to figure out what she wants. Do you really want to be with someone who is unsure of the relationship? Probably not.

 

So I would suggest that you end all contact. This includes calls, e-mail, texts, IM's, etc. Block her facebook, myspace, whatever. Start healing. Learn how to survive on your own. Realize that you don't need a relationship in order to have a purpose or be happy. Fall in love with yourself. Spoil yourself.

 

If she decides that she wants to reconcile, then you can think about it when it happens. Until she expresses this to you, treat it as a breakup. Don't drive yourself nuts thinking of the what ifs and appearing needy. This is more painful than the healing process. Your time is much better spent working on yourself. And if you do get back together, then you will be a better man. If not, then you will still be a better man. It's a win-win.

 

If you need support we are all here for you. We are here to help each other. But my advice is- start the healing process. First step is NC.

 

Good luck my friend.

[fallapart1016]

Yeah it seems like not talking is the best bet, she hasn't deleted the pictures of us off Facebook. I always wonder if I should, but if I do I know she will come back asking why? It sucks knowing that she is the one in a million though. I don't think I can ever pull myself to date again. I know, I know, saying that and only 23? But this girl was something else.

[Fouts]

All you can do is move forward and see if she comes back to you. If she does, maybe you two can make it work again. If you keep grovelling, it will only make things worse. She knows you want her. It doesn't sound promising, but stay positive and look ahead regardless.

[TLH]

It doesn't matter how old you are. Love is love and it feels the same at any age. And it is just as painful at any age.

 

As for the whole FB thing, you really need to block her. It will drive you nuts if you don't. Actually deactivate your whole account. You don't need to spend time torturing yourself with her status updates. Use that time to reflect on yourself. And at this point- you need to start focusing on how you feel not how she feels. You are no longer responsible for her feelings. What she does and how she feels should not be your priority. It is a hard realization, but she needs space. Respect that.

 

Do you think she would want to go back to a needy person who won't let her be, or a person who is independent and is respectful of her space and needs?

[skydiveaddict]

It doesn't matter how old you are. Love is love and it feels the same at any age. And it is just as painful at any age.

 

 

 

Man is that ever true