WishingWell Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Hello All. This is my first time here. And like most people I'm sure, I've just come to recant my doldrum experience with a man. Wondering what went wrong and where to go from here, and at the same time seeking advice so as to confirm that I'm not crazy or unreasonably unreasonable with my expectations. Anyhow, I've been with my b/f for three and a half-years now. We just had our first baby, she is about seven months old. My b/f and I just seem to have lost the spark, it's been diminishing for some time now. He uses my car and works six days a week. I stay at home with the baby. When he gets home, he heads to the gym with his cousin for a few hours. Then he eats what I've cooked, plays a video game or two for a few hours and goes to bed. Usually sleeps on the couch. Sex, when it happens is short and unenjoyable for me. He seems satisfied. I've discussed this with him, that there's a lack of romance, a lack of foreplay that just makes me unresponsive and sex a chore. Either he truly doesn't understand a woman's body, or he does and just doesn't care due to his own selfish needs. We hug alot, because we are both affectionate people who have alot of love in them. But we don't really get close. There isn't any romance. I feel he does nothing to let me know he cares about me on an intimate level. I guess him even being here should make me happy, but I find myself needing time to myself, while at the same time being very lonely. We are just passing strangers now. When we talk, we wind up arguing. He says I'm just too moody and negative. I'm tired of coming last at everything. He goes out once or twice a week to the bar, or titty-bar. I rarely go out at all for lack of a babysitter. I think he wants me to believe that my expectations are unreasonable. He doesn't lift a finger to wash a dish or do a load of laundry. He will change the baby's diaper or feed her while I am cooking for him. I haven't been in many relationships. Am I being unreasonable for feeling so unhappy? He says my attitude is the cause of this all. I try to be happy and easygoing, but when I do I find that nothing is better, he just takes advantage of this to go about doing as he pleases. I'm always last in line. At night when he gets back from the gym and I want to go, he tells me he is tired and has to sleep to be up for work. I never get any time to myself and feel so unappreciated for everything I do around the house and with the baby. I want my life back. I feel needed too much and not loved enough. I want to make it work, but all he does is constantly try to life-coach me about attitude and making what I want to happen just by thinking on it, etc. These concepts are not new to me, lol. He refuses to do any housework and tells me that he requires this in a partner. Yet, when I tell him that I require some romance, a dinner-date, pick me a flower, send me a text letting me know you're thinking of me - he tells me that I should find these things within myself and that Iwouldn't need him to do this if I were complete. Or if I asked nicer. I want a job but it's hard sharing my car and scheduling between his hours, to say nothing of the enormous cost of childcare. It wouldn't bother me so much if he weren't so emotially unsupportive. I am extremely unhappy, which seems to annoy him very much.
WalkInThePark Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 One questions goes through my head when I read this: has it always been like that? Has he ever done something in the household? If not, then why did you have a child with him? Why does he sleep on the couch?
Author WishingWell Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 No, he hasn't always been this way. We did not live together when we first began dating, and he had to do these things for himself, clean, wash, etc. Although he never did cook, he always ate out. I don't mind the cookng, cleaning etc. because I'm not the one paying the bills. What I do mind is feeling totally disregarded and unappreciated. We planned our child, things were much better before she came along as I had a life of my own in which to enjoy. Now I am just a mother and a maid and it's unappreciated.
Recommended Posts