Is my marriage over?

[lil76]

My husband and I have been together for 6yrs but married for 4yrs next month. When we met everything was wonderful to include our sex life. There was no issue on who initiated the relationship, things just happened. Two months after our marriage in 2006 my husband got deployed to Afghanistan for 6 months. I was devastated and missed him a lot. When he returned Feb 14, 2007 (best Valentines day Ever) it went back to normal except a few months later we found out we were getting relocated to Colorado Springs from New Mexico. We were exited as we had lived in a small town for quite a while. I owned my home so we decided to put it on sale so we could buy a new modified home in the springs. After visiting our future home we had purchased a home that would be complete to move in by the first week of July. We were so exited not just for the purchase of our new home but because we were expecting. This was my husbands first child as I had 2 kids from a previous marriage. We had both been divorced and knew exactly that we did not want a failed marriage again.

 

As we moved to our new place I was 4 months pregnant and sick, grumpy, and exhaused. Things changed drastically. My husband did not want to touch me? I was pregnant and some females while they are pregnant have hormonal issues and my issues were I wanted to make love to my husband like we had when we met. He started playing xbox online and waited for me to go to sleep. He started neglecting me and I would cry at night on why he did not want to touch me. One day I asked him and he said he did not want to hurt the baby? during my pregnancy I can count with one hand (3 times) the many times we had sex because i felt like he just wanted to get it over with.

 

Finally the day was here when our daughter was born and it was not a special day since we had been fighting that night. I dont know if that is what caused my contractions but the point was that she came very fast so fast that she was still born inside the water sack. It was a total different experience and I was happy to finally meet her.

 

As time passed it had been past my 40 days and my husband seemed with no urge to get in the sac again with me. I ended up being depressed and got prescribed Zoloft. Our Sex life just started getting down the drain more and more and he was still playing games. 10 months after our daughters birth there was still a hand full of times and intimacy. He was scheduled to leave to Iraq for 6 months again. While he was gone I had all the responsibility and stress to my self to include my one yr old daughter. I started gaining weight. My usual weight was 114lbs since I am a petite woman and by the time he was home I was 132 lbs. I had some skin on me. Everyone stated I looked good being a bit chunky since I had always been bone but that did not work for my man.

 

He has been home since March 2009 and nothing has changed last year we had intercourse about 9 times... better than the last 2 yrs! Last month he surprised me with him getting a vasectomy since I have been on Zoloft and birth control he said he would take care of me. This to me is very suspiscious since we dont even have sex in order for me to get pregnant. I wondered if he was cheating and he simply dont believe in that since his last wife cheated on him with over 7 guys while he was deployed. I was also cheated by my ex husband and I dont do those things.

 

I have confronted my husband on why we dont have sex and he blames it on my daughter that sleeps with us. She has been sleeping with us because I dont like to sleep alone while he is playing games or is deployed and the times I put her on her bed I text him to come cuddle with me and he tells me after this last game. I eventually fall asleep as I know he doesnt want anything with me. Last week was my last attemp to conquer my husband and come join me for a good time and he never arrived with the excuse of our daughter. The next day I was really hurt and resentful and stated that our sexual relationship was over. He mentioned he had just had a vasectomy which stated in the information packet that he was allowed to have sex after 7 days and it had already been more than that. I have finally given up since it seems that im the one with this problem and not him.

 

I have been searching for Female toys and have contemplated on buying one for myself. I dont believe in masturbation but at this point I feel its necessary for me as it will always be there when i need it. My husband will be getting deployed by the end of May and seems pretty exited to leave. Last night my daughter went to sleep early and he suggested I could get naked? I was insulted as I had not mentioned anything about it since his last rejection. I replied with Im reading a book so you can keep on playing! He came to my side of the bed and gave me a kiss goodnight and I was so hurt I felt like he was just teasing and knew nothing was gonna happen.

 

I have been worrying about this for a long time and want to make it my issue but at this point im starting to hate my husband for not being a man that could please me. I dont know if im over reacting or waht. I really need some help because im already thinking of asking him for a divorce. I love him to death as he game me a beautiful daughter but he is just not making me happy with all his excuses and neglect.

 

Thank you for reading my post and for any advice you can give.

Edited April 15, 2010 by lil76

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I feel that you both need to communicate better. It's very very hard to do when you feel rejected, but it needs to be done. I feel his point is EXTREMELY valid about children in the marital bed. I have been there and done with all of our children (5 of them). As much as I love my kids, there were time I was actually resentful of my kids when I would go to sleep with one of them between me and my wife...

 

As far as him asking you to get naked, I understand that's TOTALLY not how it works for a woman... but obviously he doesn't! He thinks like a (immature perhaps) man! I'm ready to go, get naked woman... Then coming to your side of the bed and offering a kiss, that was more than likely an attempt to reach out to you... You'll never know unless you can get comfortable talking about it. Don't let your second marriage fail. You cannot change him. You can only change you, and communicate what is going on in your head. Explain to him how things work for you, feel for you, etc, etc. I would be willing to bet he has no idea!

 

As far as toys, there's nothing wrong with that, my wife and I use them as part of our fun all the time!

 

These are things that can be resolved with communication. Do not let the resentment build... TALK!

 

Based on what you wrote above, I think your marriage is far from over...

Edited April 16, 2010 by She's_NotInLove_w/Me