Single woman, 40+, keep hoping or giving up?

[Ilovecake]

WalkInThePark you have described my situation perfectly. I'm 39 (40 this september) and have been single for almost two years. I'm attractive, I attract lots of men when I go out but they're either completely unavailable and looking to cheat on their spouse or if they’re single then they're just weird and creepy.

I tried the internet dating sites but never went as far as setting up a date. I don’t know if it was my profile, which I tried to keep light but informative, but I only got messages from people I have absolutely nothing in common with, there were a couple of freaks who resorted to calling me names when I didn’t answer their messages and the icing on the cake the serial killer type, who scared me into closing my internet dating account. It was horrible and absolutely made me feel cheap, vile and desperate. Like you said it’s a very inorganic experience.

My ex left me for a girl 16 years younger than me so that has definitely added to the feeling of being over the hill. All my friends are getting married and starting families and I feel like I used the last of my desirable dating years on my last wreck of a relationship. When I met my ex 6 years a go I was still young and it seamed like I had plenty of time to play the field. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I might die an old spinster. I have some friends but they're all busy starting families and when I do meet desirable men through my friends they’re all married or in long term relationships.

 

Last month I was at a party and met the most interesting and good looking guy I have ever run across. He paid tons of attention to me, but niece attention not gross pawing at me attention. He made sure I had a full beer and we talked all night and he was just very polite. At the end of the evening he ends the conversation with "Next time I see you I hope you can meet my wife I think you two would hit it off perfectly. She would just love you". Oh geez thanks! I think I might have gone home and cried that evening.

Edited April 26, 2010 by Ilovecake

[WalkInThePark]

WalkInThePark you have described my situation perfectly. I'm 39 (40 this september) and have been single for almost two years. I'm attractive, I attract lots of men when I go out but they're either completely unavailable and looking to cheat on their spouse or if they’re single then they're just weird and creepy.

I tried the internet dating sites but never went as far as setting up a date. I don’t know if it was my profile, which I tried to keep light but informative, but I only got messages from people I have absolutely nothing in common with, there were a couple of freaks who resorted to calling me names when I didn’t answer their messages and the icing on the cake the serial killer type, who scared me into closing my internet dating account. It was horrible and absolutely made me feel cheap, vile and desperate. Like you said it’s a very inorganic experience.

My ex left me for a girl 16 years younger than me so that has definitely added to the feeling of being over the hill. All my friends are getting married and starting families and I feel like I used the last of my desirable dating years on my last wreck of a relationship. When I met my ex 6 years a go I was still young and it seamed like I had plenty of time to play the field. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I might die an old spinster. I have some friends but they're all busy starting families and when I do meet desirable men through my friends they’re all married or in long term relationships.

 

Last month I was at a party and met the most interesting and good looking guy I have ever run across. He paid tons of attention to me, but niece attention not gross pawing at me attention. He made sure I had a full beer and we talked all night and he was just very polite. At the end of the evening he ends the conversation with "Next time I see you I hope you can meet my wife I think you two would hit it off perfectly. She would just love you". Oh geez thanks! I think I might have gone home and cried that evening.

 

I hear you. Unfortunately I have no solution for you. I have a friend your age who is single and perfectly happy with it. People sometimes say that "it comes if you are not thinking of it." But I also see that nothing is happening for her.

 

And yeah, married guys are often nice, the kind of who you think "No wonder he is married". My last relationship was with a married man. I wish I would ever have had a boyfriend as nice as him. Before you think I am after married men, I did not know he was married. I met him via a dating site where he said he was "separated". Only afterwards I found out he was married and no, I did not like this at all. He's the typical guy who does not feel OK in his marriage but does not have the guts to leave and/or keeps hoping things get better.

 

With all the weirdos and liars I have met the last 15 years, I fear that if I ever meet someone who seems nice and available, I am going to test him for a year or so to be absolutely sure there is nothing wrong with him.

 

When I read that you have been left for such a young girl, I am almost happy that I have never been in a situation where I actually had the impression I was building a future with someone. The betrayal if my partner would cheat would even hit harder.