OW had the never to call me.

[NoIDidn't]

You're right she should not call you,she's apart of an A with a MM who has multiple OW.

 

My guess is she did not know about you,obviously she thought she was the only one.

 

This is not uncommon,I know many MM who have more than 1 OW,and her telling you she is going to snitch on you to his W is bullsh*t she needs to tell all or not at all.

 

I do not think she'll tell W because she does not want him to get angry with her and possibly leave her.

 

I know many MM with multiple OW. Note that the OW that called the OP said she was going to tell the wife about the OP not about herself.

 

Its an old trick. Tell the primary woman about an OW other than yourself so that your R with the guy can go on unnoticed. Or so, that's the hope. But it never quite works out that way as it only makes the betrayed hyper sensitive about everything and eventually the lie that was not told (that the one telling was also seeing the guy) gets revealed.

 

Either way, too much drama for me. I agree with the OP, the nerve. Especially the nerve to make such a naked attempt to keep seeing him hoping the W suspects someone else.

[bentnotbroken]

Ok lets change the scenerio what if I was not a dancer and I was some regular woman who was seeing a MM who happened to have a OW how would you people respond to my situation then?

 

You guys are hypocrites,you are being harsh and ignoring my question because I am a dancer.

 

 

Your occupation has nothing to do with you being an OW who is ticked at teh OOW. You could be a neurosurgeon and I would still feel like she has the same right to disrespect someone as you did. There is no difference between you and her. Should she have called you, NO! Did she have the right? As much right as you did being the OW in the first place. No one is showing any respect to anyone. Why should you get any more respect than his wife?

 

And....what was the question?

[Lovelybird]

CrissyQ, I think the OW should think of you as a sister, just like here OWs show each other the sisterhood, back up each other. But it seems when concerning sharing the same man, they change. I wonder if they would like their man to be shared with their OW friends

[pureinheart]

Yup I am a dancer,that is how I get my money.

 

She is calling me all hours of the day,which I think is crazy because she is fighting over a man who does not belong to her,Im not fighting over him.

 

You are missing my point,what I am saying is OW have NO RIGHT calling me because they get pissed off because they thought they were the only OW,this happens ALOT.

 

If he was cheating with you,he can cheat on you;)

 

Hey CQ...please be careful, people can get real weird, you know...my friends used to threaten suicide and really freak out and this was several years ago...things have gotten worse now....Crissy if you can, just stay away from those people...hey, you got my thoughts...k...((((hugggsss))))

[White Flower]

Ok lets change the scenerio what if I was not a dancer and I was some regular woman who was seeing a MM who happened to have a OW how would you people respond to my situation then?

 

You guys are hypocrites,you are being harsh and ignoring my question because I am a dancer.

It's not that you are a dancer; it is that you seem to be gloating over the attentions of a serial cheater and enjoying the fact that another woman is suffering over it.

 

I have phone numbers of many of MM's exOWs. I've never called any of them, but if I did, it might be for the amusement of comparing stories and timelines. Of course, if I called you I would entice you to speak with me, I'm kind of good that way, and would never come off like a raving, jealous lunatic such as the picture you painted of the OOW.

 

I might call you to inform you. Or not. I almost did until I knew for certain all OW were past OW. Had there been current ones I'm sure I would have informed them they weren't the only one. I also would have told them they could have him. But when I knew for sure I was the only one I stayed and enjoyed the last of his cheating days.

 

There was ONE though who lingered and was kind of clingy. I suggested he put her out of her misery and send her a Dear John letter. Calling her myself would have been embarrassing for her (and me) and truth is, all she needed to know was that he moved on. She didn't need to know that he'd found someone new; that would have been painful to know I'm sure. The letter was very respectful, I made sure of it. I really hope she finds happiness. Maybe she already has.

[CrissyQ]

I came here because rather than going off on his ow,I came here to rant.

 

I see it has stirred up several ow,and I understand this you get angry because you do not want to image your mm having a woman on the side, or another oow,now you are sounding like the w's that you complain soooo much about.

 

As far as gloating...NEVER! did I gloat nor did I say I have any right to mm or more right than ow neither of us do.

 

If it were his W calling me it would be a different thing,I owe her an explination even an apology,what I am saying is his ow has NO right at all to call me threaten me,harrasse me all day and night demanding answers,telling me she is going to email his W and give her my number and tell her that I have been seeing her H,now she can do that but I think it is pretty crazy considering she has been having an A with him and never wanted to call his W and tell on herself.

 

It's kind of ironic when the shoe is on the other foot,how quick does the ow change.

[bananalaffytaffy]

Dear, maybe one day you will fall in love with a man, and you will find out that he's been cheating and the OW is bragging behind your back. Or perhaps you will marry the love of your life to find out he's been screwing anything that walks. Perhaps then you'll have a bit more empathy.

 

No, I've not been cheated on. This isn't about me. And it has nothing to do with your profession. It has everything to do with the malicious tone of your post.

[NoIDidn't]

I agree with you, Crissy. Forgetting, for the moment, that he is cheating on his W with two women (or possibly more).

 

I've seen you gloat about the unknowing *main* OW, but never his W.

 

Quite frankly, most people don't care to hear the OW complain when finding out about an OOW. They are both helping him do something despicable to his W and family.

 

I don't get the hypocrisy on this issue. If the man with cheat with you, he may just cheat on you. That's what is happening to this OW. And it is a very possible reality for any other OW.

 

I can guaran-damn-tee you that this OW wouldn't be calling his W like that.

 

Personally, I don't understand why the OW would ever feel like she had ownership of the MM to feel she has the right to call and harrass the OOW. It is hypocrisy when OW act betrayed (in this circumstance). Because, weren't they just saying that he wouldn't be cheating on the W if she was everything the MM needed?

 

This situations is one of the reasons that I think MM can cheat on their W for years with the same OW, get divorced finally, and marry someone entirely different from the one that he was cheating with.

 

This OW needs to calm down and stop harrassing the OP.

[White Flower]

I came here because rather than going off on his ow,I came here to rant.

 

I see it has stirred up several ow,and I understand this you get angry because you do not want to image your mm having a woman on the side, or another oow,now you are sounding like the w's that you complain soooo much about.

 

As far as gloating...NEVER! did I gloat nor did I say I have any right to mm or more right than ow neither of us do.

 

If it were his W calling me it would be a different thing,I owe her an explination even an apology,what I am saying is his ow has NO right at all to call me threaten me,harrasse me all day and night demanding answers,telling me she is going to email his W and give her my number and tell her that I have been seeing her H,now she can do that but I think it is pretty crazy considering she has been having an A with him and never wanted to call his W and tell on herself.

 

It's kind of ironic when the shoe is on the other foot,how quick does the ow change.

CrissyQ, I first hesitated to post on your thread because I thought you might be a troll. But then I decided the discussion might be interesting anyway. I find it curious that you don't feel that you owe any understanding to the OW but that you DO feel you owe some understanding to the BW. If you enjoy doing favors for this man and continue to do them then why do you feel like you owe the W an explanation or apology? Is it that you are 'only stripping' and not touching him? Would an explanation like that make you feel better about continuing what you are doing with him? Just curious.

 

As for the OW threatening to tell, well, she is just being territorial and ridiculous. She is trying to force her MM to be loyal to her. Funny yet desired by most OW. If we hear, 'You are the first OW I've ever had', and then discover another OW yeah we're going to be pissed off. But that doesn't give us the right to threaten the OOW.

 

It gives us every right to threaten HIM. So, please don't throw all OW into one lump and say we're all the same. I would never call you and harrass you Crissy. I might get your story and ask you to help me have him knocked off, but never would I harrass you.

 

I agree with you, Crissy. Forgetting, for the moment, that he is cheating on his W with two women (or possibly more).

 

I've seen you gloat about the unknowing *main* OW, but never his W.

 

Quite frankly, most people don't care to hear the OW complain when finding out about an OOW. They are both helping him do something despicable to his W and family.

 

I don't get the hypocrisy on this issue. If the man with cheat with you, he may just cheat on you. That's what is happening to this OW. And it is a very possible reality for any other OW.

 

I can guaran-damn-tee you that this OW wouldn't be calling his W like that.

 

Personally, I don't understand why the OW would ever feel like she had ownership of the MM to feel she has the right to call and harrass the OOW. It is hypocrisy when OW act betrayed (in this circumstance). Because, weren't they just saying that he wouldn't be cheating on the W if she was everything the MM needed?

I will defend the idea that an OW can feel betrayed when they discover an OOW. When all you've heard and been convinced of is you're the first time OW for the MM it cuts like a knife to learn that you are not. You can say a cheater is a liar is a cheater but if they've done enough acting in their persuasion it can work on the smartest of them. Hey, if his W of 40 years never knew about any of them how is an OW supposed to be so quick to smell a rat? If they've never separated and he's never been D'd and he keeps wearing this innocent look on his face every time he pays for a hotel room and DOESN'T look like Mr Smooth Move it is very easy to buy the Your the First OW story. When your STD tests come back clean, another test passed and so on.

 

But I will agree that hypocrisy is at play when the OW in Crissy's case is not empathetic toward Crissy. Like I stated before, when I found out about exOWs (who to this day still try to throw themselves at MM) I empathize with them and suggest he subtly ignore them which he does and has done on his own anyway. They have hearts too.

This situations is one of the reasons that I think MM can cheat on their W for years with the same OW, get divorced finally, and marry someone entirely different from the one that he was cheating with.

 

This OW needs to calm down and stop harrassing the OP.

I agree on both counts.

Edited April 17, 2010 by White Flower

[NoIDidn't]

I will defend the idea that an OW can feel betrayed when they discover an OOW. When all you've heard and been convinced of is you're the first time OW for the MM it cuts like a knife. You can say a cheater is a liar is a cheater but if they've done enough acting in their persuasion it can work on the smartest of them. Hey, if his W of 40 years never knew about any of them how is an OW supposed to be so quick to smell a rat? If they've never separated and he's never been D'd and he keeps wearing this innocent look on his face every time he pays for a hotel room and DOESN'T look like Mr Smooth Move it is very easy to buy the Your the First OW story. When your STD tests come back clean, another test passed and so on.

 

But I will agree that hypocrisy is at play when the OW in Crissy's case is not empathetic toward Crissy. Like I stated before, when I found out about exOWs (who to this day still try to throw themselves at MM) I empathize with them and suggest he subtly ignore them which he does and has done on his own anyway. They have hearts too.

 

Yeah, WF, but none of that says this OW has the right to harrass the OOW. Her problem is with the MM. Sound familiar?

 

I mean, seriously, using the information you just posted about the hotel room, I have to wonder about the sanity and stability of any woman who goes along with the deception of the W in such a way and then freaks out at finding out that Mr. Innocent Faced Smooth Pants would sneak around behind their backs too.

 

Nothing to do with having hearts, this has to do with using their reasoning capabilities. Its a well documented fact (not only doing with affairs) that a person that knows you are accepting of them lying to someone else is going to find it acceptable to lie to you.

[White Flower]

Yeah, WF, but none of that says this OW has the right to harrass the OOW. Her problem is with the MM. Sound familiar?

 

I mean, seriously, using the information you just posted about the hotel room, I have to wonder about the sanity and stability of any woman who goes along with the deception of the W in such a way and then freaks out at finding out that Mr. Innocent Faced Smooth Pants would sneak around behind their backs too.

 

Nothing to do with having hearts, this has to do with using their reasoning capabilities. Its a well documented fact (not only doing with affairs) that a person that knows you are accepting of them lying to someone else is going to find it acceptable to lie to you.

But it does have to do with having hearts. That is what Crissy's rant is all about. If OOW had a heart, she would turn her anger toward MM and not Crissy.

 

Sanity and stability? LOL. You are focusing on the whole 'if he cheats on her he would cheat on you' line. And it's a pretty good argument, just not true for all As. Yet anyone and I mean anyone can be fooled by a really good actor. Yeah, I was fooled but I'm large and in charge now.

[jthorne]

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive”

That's all I have left to say about this thread.

[jwi71]

Hey....it just dawned on me...

 

IF the OOW had no idea you existed...how did she

1) learn you existed

2) get your number

 

??????

[aerogurl87]

Well the OW had no right to call you and go off on you. The only person who has that right is the person whom he put a ring on their finger and vowed to be faithful to them. By the way, I don't think the OP is a prostitute, seems more like she's engaging in a mutually beneficial arrangement.

[NoIDidn't]

But it does have to do with having hearts. That is what Crissy's rant is all about. If OOW had a heart, she would turn her anger toward MM and not Crissy.

 

Sanity and stability? LOL. You are focusing on the whole 'if he cheats on her he would cheat on you' line. And it's a pretty good argument, just not true for all As. Yet anyone and I mean anyone can be fooled by a really good actor. Yeah, I was fooled but I'm large and in charge now.

 

 

LOL. Nah, I'm not sticking to that "line". I'm just saying that the OW doesn't have a right to demand that the OOW leave "her" man alone considering what she knows about him.

 

Why isn't the OW going off on the MM? Is he getting a million calls from this OW about hte OOW? I doubt it. She's too afraid that he will end it with her and she'll lose her second place (in her mind, its actually even less than that when you consider church, soccer practice, and social events with the family) in his life.

 

Usually the OOW is in a much better position than the OW, when she knows that he is a serial cheat. She's able to make a better, more agreeable to herself, situation between the two of them. And the MM likes that.

 

This OW is on shaky ground if she's taken to harrassing the OP. Obviously something stinks in Denmark in his A with her that she's channelling that anger into finding out about the OP.

 

Thing is, I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for this OW. I didn't feel any for most of the OW that my dad had either. They all knew the most important factor - the man is married. Can't get territorial when you aren't the W. To do so only makes you seem crazy, and yes, the MM thinks so too.

 

(Don't take me entirely seriously here. This situation has many interdependencies, that just aren't clear. The fact that the man is already cheating on his W gets swept aside when its the OWs that are fighting over his attentions. And when it comes to OWs, which one can rightly claim a "right" to him? Neither. Regardless of what they say he "told" them.)

[Lovelybird]

After reading these posts, I got a conclusion, many women are so easily duped when concerning love.

 

CrissyQ, I agree with you on this one, that OW is really ridiculous. But only a desperately hunger person is strongly motived to steal

[meemee]

If she thought she was the only OW her upset should have been directed at him, not you. That being said, I hope you love yourself enough to leave them all to their own drama and find someone that's all yours.

[herenow]

It's interesting that we are discussing the "right" of an OOW to call an OW. It's hard to make a case for what is right or wrong when the man these women are talking about is married.

 

I don't see any "rights" in the whole bunch. Except the BW, but she may not even know that anything is wrong. Or maybe she does know and then it's her choice to decide what she considers acceptable or "right" for her.

[jthorne]

It's interesting that we are discussing the "right" of an OOW to call an OW. It's hard to make a case for what is right or wrong when the man these women are talking about is married.

 

I don't see any "rights" in the whole bunch. Except the BW, but she may not even know that anything is wrong. Or maybe she does know and then it's her choice to decide what she considers acceptable or "right" for her.

Here, here! But I'd bet my paycheck that the BS has no idea.

[GorillaTheater]

I hope we hear about the OOOOOOOW soon. That'll be fun.

[White Flower]

LOL. Nah, I'm not sticking to that "line". I'm just saying that the OW doesn't have a right to demand that the OOW leave "her" man alone considering what she knows about him.

 

Why isn't the OW going off on the MM? Is he getting a million calls from this OW about hte OOW? I doubt it. She's too afraid that he will end it with her and she'll lose her second place (in her mind, its actually even less than that when you consider church, soccer practice, and social events with the family) in his life.

 

Usually the OOW is in a much better position than the OW, when she knows that he is a serial cheat. She's able to make a better, more agreeable to herself, situation between the two of them. And the MM likes that.

 

This OW is on shaky ground if she's taken to harrassing the OP. Obviously something stinks in Denmark in his A with her that she's channelling that anger into finding out about the OP.

 

Thing is, I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for this OW. I didn't feel any for most of the OW that my dad had either. They all knew the most important factor - the man is married. Can't get territorial when you aren't the W. To do so only makes you seem crazy, and yes, the MM thinks so too.

 

(Don't take me entirely seriously here. This situation has many interdependencies, that just aren't clear. The fact that the man is already cheating on his W gets swept aside when its the OWs that are fighting over his attentions. And when it comes to OWs, which one can rightly claim a "right" to him? Neither. Regardless of what they say he "told" them.)

I think for the most part we agree. I didn't and wouldn't call OOW myself. I would go straight to him and say enjoy your harem honey, I'm outta here. Oh, I did do that! Then he moved mountains to make me feel better. But again, I went to him and not OOW. If I ever did, it would be to confirm any new suspicions but NEVER to make threats, that's just stupid.

 

RE the bolded part; I think you might be right about THIS OW. Again had it have been me I would go straight to him and not worried about the OOW. I had more power that way.

 

It's interesting that we are discussing the "right" of an OOW to call an OW. It's hard to make a case for what is right or wrong when the man these women are talking about is married.

 

I don't see any "rights" in the whole bunch. Except the BW, but she may not even know that anything is wrong. Or maybe she does know and then it's her choice to decide what she considers acceptable or "right" for her.

I suppose rights are in the mindset of the couple, whoever the couple is. If the MM and OW value love more than a contract then those in love have the rights in their minds. Many exW who become OW dispise contracts. I can understand the BS defending it though.

I hope we hear about the OOOOOOOW soon. That'll be fun.

Wouldn't it? I actually counted the Os and realized it's not impossible!!!

 

When I first found out about MMs escapades I thought about emailing a link to a thread that I would have just started called, 'Invitation to chat about our dear MM' to all his exOWs. They could partake if they wanted to. Wouldn't that be fun? I'm sure none (or at least most) of them wouldn't have accepted the invite, but if they did I wouldn't have been mean or threatening. I would have made it fun and interesting.

 

I would have asked the same questions to all of them in hopes of confirming or denying stereotypes with regard to SCs.

[herenow]

I suppose rights are in the mindset of the couple, whoever the couple is. If the MM and OW value love more than a contract then those in love have the rights in their minds. Many exW who become OW dispise contracts. I can understand the BS defending it though.

 

Back to the topic of this thread. In this case, it would be up to the OOW who called the OP to determine if she has the right to call or not. Right?

[White Flower]

It's interesting that we are discussing the "right" of an OOW to call an OW. It's hard to make a case for what is right or wrong when the man these women are talking about is married.

 

I don't see any "rights" in the whole bunch. Except the BW, but she may not even know that anything is wrong. Or maybe she does know and then it's her choice to decide what she considers acceptable or "right" for her.

I'm not sure we were really discussing rights (entitlement, privelege, and claim to property) with regard to OW or OOW; rather, that it seemed wrong for one to harrass the other. The question about motive is really a political one and it wouldn't be a move I would choose to make.

 

But with regard to your statement about rights and the BS having them:

 

I suppose rights are in the mindset of the couple, whoever the couple is. If the MM and OW value love more than a contract then those in love have the rights in their minds. Many exW who become OW dispise contracts. I can understand the BS defending it though.

Again, if one really believes love can be promised for a lifetime then I can understand why BS defend their 'right' to claim precedence.

Back to the topic of this thread. In this case, it would be up to the OOW who called the OP to determine if she has the right to call or not. Right?

I don't know if you're asking the question seriously or just goading me. But I wouldn't do it in the manner this particular OOW did. Again, I would only call to inform whether STDs should be tested or that she was free to have him because I was done with him. I would never call to say stay away. That is just begging for trouble! I think it makes the OOW look pretty desperate.

[herenow]

 

I don't know if you're asking the question seriously or just goading me. But I wouldn't do it in the manner this particular OOW did. Again, I would only call to inform whether STDs should be tested or that she was free to have him because I was done with him. I would never call to say stay away. That is just begging for trouble! I think it makes the OOW look pretty desperate.

 

Actually all I was saying is that it is up to the OOW to determine if she is right in calling the OP. No "goading" at all. It really doesn't matter if you would do what she did, or I would do what she did, or if the OP would make the call. This OOW decided she was going to make that call. Who are we to tell her she doesn't have that right?

 

Now if the OP wants to hang up or not answer the call, then that is her right.

[herenow]

Also, in my original post about "rights". I stated that I didn't see anything right about the whole situation. However, that doesn't give me or anyone else the "right" to tell someone else what is "right" for them. IMO.

 

So, back to the topic of this thread. The OOW made the call because she felt she had the right. Who are we to say she is wrong?