a question about NC...

[I Miss the Kiss]

Hi everyone. A lot of you know my story, and I don't have time because I'm at work to reiterate any of it now. In a nutshell its all still going on, and I'm a mess.

 

Yes, I need to stop it. MM has asked for some time to figure himself out. Yes I know, he's a lunatic. Not that hard to figure out.

 

But I'm not here for answers as to why he is a jerk and why I should dump him, because in all honesty I am coming very close to that point.

 

However, for now I'm wondering if any of you (whether MM or MW) have ever gone NC with your A partner and realized you truly did love them, really did want to be with them.

 

My MM has not lived with his W since 1/21/2010. He's dealing with the guilt of his kids (understandably).

 

Anyway, what I;m pondering today is if I stay NC with him FOR MY OWN SANITY AND MENTAL STABILITY (which I have never managed NC for more than a few days before), is it possible that MM will come after me? As in, "Oh sh*t what have I done? She won't even talk to me!"

 

I really want to stay NC while he figures himself out. I really do, but I am such a weak person for him. He is too. Neither of us have done a good job of NC at all. He is in IC, by the way. His IC told him to just divorce his W and be with me because he isn't in love with her anymore and its not fair to her to drag her on for this long (over a year).

 

So he's living alone and has been for months. She moved into the house they bought to refurbish after one of our D-days when he thought he could just buy a house and make it all better. Didn't work. So she is living there now with the kids.

 

Maybe I'm not making sense. As much as I love him, I am truly growing weary of being last in his life. I'm not looking for advice that I should dump him; I know that. What I am really asking is the opinion of those who have ACTUALLY gone through NC and came to a realization that maybe you did need to be with your AP.

 

His W has seen an attorney and the papers are drawn up and waiting for the W's okay to move forward. I have verified this through a "mole" I have there in his town. LOL I was tired of being jerked around!

 

IMTK

[Heather1]

My situation is different than yours, but I can tell you that NC has helped me detach & think clearer thoughts. I've also been able to get a lot done & start to think about me for once. Considering the circumstances, you two sound like you need a break just to break the addiction part & get some reality thrown in. It's going to suck, but you'll have your answer one way or another in about a month.

In my case, he never contacted me again. I don't think that will be your story though. Give him his break & get some sanity back so you two can move forward w/ a new relationship.

[jennie-jennie]

MM and I went NC last September. Sure, he realized that he truly did love me, really did want to be with me, but to my surprise that still did not mean that he was ready to get a divorce. NC just doesn't do that. You can't quicken the process.

 

My advice is only to go NC if you really want to end the relationship, because that is all it is going to do anyway.

[I Miss the Kiss]

MM and I went NC last September. Sure, he realized that he truly did love me, really did want to be with me, but to my surprise that still did not mean that he was ready to get a divorce. NC just doesn't do that. You can't quicken the process.

 

My advice is only to go NC if you really want to end the relationship, because that is all it is going to do anyway.

 

That's interesting, because every time we've even tried NC it has always turned out that he truly does feel like he loves me and wants a life with me, yet he feels tremendous guilt for leaving her and the kids. His small town just makes it terrible because everyone knows EVERYTHING about EVERYONE, and he's a pleaser...

 

UGH I just wonder if its time I do whatever it takes to stay NC and let the chips fall where they may. i can't effect a change in him. He has to do that...

[BB07]

NC primary goal should be for you and your peace of mind.....not as a means to get him to see the light and solve all of HIS issues.

[ladydesigner]

That's interesting, because every time we've even tried NC it has always turned out that he truly does feel like he loves me and wants a life with me, yet he feels tremendous guilt for leaving her and the kids. His small town just makes it terrible because everyone knows EVERYTHING about EVERYONE, and he's a pleaser...

 

UGH I just wonder if its time I do whatever it takes to stay NC and let the chips fall where they may. i can't effect a change in him. He has to do that...

 

EXACTLY. He has to make a change. The other posters gave really good advice. NC really shouldn't be used to see if a person really wants you. It has to be for you. When you are TRULY tired of your situation YOU will stop it and I believe NC is the way to go. Many (not all) of these A type of relationships are like an addiction. I know mine was. What NC did for me is make me realize I really was not "in love" with my XAP the way I thought I was. NC gave me the clarity I needed to move on with my life. Sure I had great times with my XAP and we were great friends, but as that chapter has ended I need to build a new chapter in my life. Maybe you need to do the same. If a relationship is draining you whether it is a M an A or SO you know it is not healthy for you.

 

Hang in there (((I Miss The Kiss))) I hope you find the clarity you need to be happy and peaceful.

[bananalaffytaffy]

It is my understanding that the purpose of No Contact is to bring clarity without the influence of an interested party. It is a "cooling off period", so to speak, and works in many relationships, not just affairs.

 

A BF/GF may initiate NC to decide if they wish to commit to each other. A man and wife may separate to decide if they wish to divorce, or work on their marriage.

 

In regard to affairs, I do not believe the main purpose of NC is to end the relationship. It's main purpose is to allow each person to decide what they want without the influence of another. A number of things may happen during NC. The MM may decide he wants to be with the OW exclusively, he may decide that he wants her to continue being the OW, he may decide he doesn't want to be with her at all. The OW may decide that she's better off out of the relationship, she may decide she will not accept anything other than exclusivity with the MM, she may decide she needs him in her life no matter what.

 

The purpose of NC is to bring clarity, not to influence behavior. So initiating NC to try to influence the other party to realize he can't live without you is not likely to be successful. He must figure that out on his own.

 

Best wishes,

BLT

[jennie-jennie]

That's interesting, because every time we've even tried NC it has always turned out that he truly does feel like he loves me and wants a life with me, yet he feels tremendous guilt for leaving her and the kids. His small town just makes it terrible because everyone knows EVERYTHING about EVERYONE, and he's a pleaser...

 

UGH I just wonder if its time I do whatever it takes to stay NC and let the chips fall where they may. i can't effect a change in him. He has to do that...

 

You need to realize that while NC shows the MM that he can not live without the OW, it does not show him that he can live without his family.

 

He has learned one lesson, but one lesson still needs to be learned, and it can not be learned through NC. He has to reach this understanding on his own, there is nothing the OW can do to quicken the process.

 

The MM is not yet able to make a decision. That is why he is having an affair. If the OW goes NC, she makes the decision for the MM. He is not yet able to leave neither his OW nor his wife, but he can live with the decision being made for him.

 

IMTK, you need to find stability within you. Either go NC and end your relationship or decide to stay, for now, as the OW. And then let go.

 

As it is now, you are following your MM up and down in his roller coasters. Try to find some inner peace. Is his behavior too much for you? Then end the relationship. Is he worth it? Then stay as his OW until he either leaves his wife or you decide it is not worth it anymore.

 

You can only change you, not him.

 

(The above applies to MM who do not fare well of an affair, not about "cake eaters" who are happy having one.)

Edited April 15, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[jwi71]

I'm not surprised you're back IMTK.

 

You were never really able to let go - even after EVERYTHING he's said and done to you.

 

This is nothing new. You've been here before. I trust you remember how those episodes ended. This will end the same.

 

Its an endless cycle with you two.

 

I don't what else to say. We here at LS have been telling you for months (or is it years by now) what you need to do. You simply choose not to.

 

Until you DECIDE to end this...it won't.

 

Maybe others can offer more but I'm honestly too frustrated at the moment to expand on my initial thoughts.

[Confused4Now]

I'm not surprised you're back IMTK.

 

You were never really able to let go - even after EVERYTHING he's said and done to you.

 

This is nothing new. You've been here before. I trust you remember how those episodes ended. This will end the same.

 

Its an endless cycle with you two.

 

I don't what else to say. We here at LS have been telling you for months (or is it years by now) what you need to do. You simply choose not to.

 

Until you DECIDE to end this...it won't.

 

Maybe others can offer more but I'm honestly too frustrated at the moment to expand on my initial thoughts.

Amen to this post!!! What is wrong is your not putting the focus where it belongs and that is with you. I used NC as a means to get my MW to come to me...hahahahaha it doesn't work. YOU HAVE TO LET GO to move on I mean really MOVE ON...I feel so sad cause I was there too.....ugh all the depression and sleep medication. I'm so glad I can put the focus where it needs to be at.

[bittersweet memories]

That's interesting, because every time we've even tried NC it has always turned out that he truly does feel like he loves me and wants a life with me, yet he feels tremendous guilt for leaving her and the kids. His small town just makes it terrible because everyone knows EVERYTHING about EVERYONE, and he's a pleaser...

 

UGH I just wonder if its time I do whatever it takes to stay NC and let the chips fall where they may. i can't effect a change in him. He has to do that...

 

How long do your NC last?

[I Miss the Kiss]

How long do your NC last?

 

We've both noticed a pattern of no more than 2 weeks of NC at any time. Never any more than that, often quite a bit less

[White Flower]

MM and I went NC last September. Sure, he realized that he truly did love me, really did want to be with me, but to my surprise that still did not mean that he was ready to get a divorce. NC just doesn't do that. You can't quicken the process.

 

My advice is only to go NC if you really want to end the relationship, because that is all it is going to do anyway.

I haven't ever gone completely NC, but was ready to do so if he never wanted to try again. I let him make the call, but again, if he didn't try there was no way on earth I would have ever picked up the phone again to initiate a call. I'm pretty strong that way.

 

And since then I have read many other AP stories and have come to the conclusion, as Jennie-Jennie so eloquently states, that NC is really for when you are absolutely certain that you never want to see him again and will never be willing to work on 'it' again. Yes, time can heal many things and distance can make the heart grow fonder but don't initiate NC if you don't mean it.

 

Conversely, he NEEDS this IC and your R with him is NEVER going to work if he doesn't heal himself. If you can be there for him while he is doing the work, great. If he needs you to be on the sidelines and has expressed as much then stand back. If you really want him, do you want him to be the same as he was with her? Or do you want him healed, and a better man for you? Clearly he loves you. But without healing that love will be just as chaotic in the long run as it is now.

 

Best,

WF.

[White Flower]

It is my understanding that the purpose of No Contact is to bring clarity without the influence of an interested party. It is a "cooling off period", so to speak, and works in many relationships, not just affairs.

 

A BF/GF may initiate NC to decide if they wish to commit to each other. A man and wife may separate to decide if they wish to divorce, or work on their marriage.

 

In regard to affairs, I do not believe the main purpose of NC is to end the relationship. It's main purpose is to allow each person to decide what they want without the influence of another. A number of things may happen during NC. The MM may decide he wants to be with the OW exclusively, he may decide that he wants her to continue being the OW, he may decide he doesn't want to be with her at all. The OW may decide that she's better off out of the relationship, she may decide she will not accept anything other than exclusivity with the MM, she may decide she needs him in her life no matter what.

 

The purpose of NC is to bring clarity, not to influence behavior. So initiating NC to try to influence the other party to realize he can't live without you is not likely to be successful. He must figure that out on his own.

 

Best wishes,

BLT

I can really appreciate this post, bananalaffytaffy. You said it quite nicely. Thank you.

[Tommy's Girl]

I think it is a mental thing that we want closure but as time goes by, it is not important. Time really does help you put things in perspective. NC is a must. I remember breaking NC and going back to square one. It's a bad feeling. It used to be a bad feeling because of my own emotions then it became a bad feeling because of the trust my husband gained in me. And I only had an EA. I can imagine a PA would be worse.

[Bootsie]

NC can be instituted by both parties or just one. The reasons for NC can be to end the relationship or to arrive at clarity in the sense that it is agreed that NC be broken only when the party breaking it has come to a hard and fast decision.

 

Unfortunately NC is often broken by one party or the other; either when no final decision has been reached or their mind is changed about ending the relationship. When NC is broken, the other party always has a choice whether or not to respond. NC can only be imposed on one's own actions but merely requested of the other.

 

If one party is adamant that the relationship is over then if the other breaks NC then it is easier for the one who wants out, to ignore the contact. Eventually the person doing the contacting will either stop of their own accord or when further drastic action is taken by the other (eg filing a harassment charge or telling the wife in the case of an affair).

 

If the reason that NC is established is to enable clarity; eg to make up ones' mind, then in an ideal situation, NC could be discarded if the party "comes back", divorce papers in hand. I haven't seen a lot of this on this forum.

 

A real problem is when an OW establishes NC because she really wants the above, or, a MM establishes NC because he wants to "work on his marriage"; but in either case he jumps the gun by coming back too early (ie not yet wiling to leave his wife), and the OW accepts it.

 

I can see why so many OW accept it because it has short and medium term advantages to them because they love him so much etc etc. As to long term I think it's unlikely to result in a satisfactory outcome for them. Most OW have to learn this for themselves and don't want to listen to any advice believing they are somehow different.

[Hazyhead]

NC can be instituted by both parties or just one. The reasons for NC can be to end the relationship or to arrive at clarity in the sense that it is agreed that NC be broken only when the party breaking it has come to a hard and fast decision.

 

Unfortunately NC is often broken by one party or the other; either when no final decision has been reached or their mind is changed about ending the relationship. When NC is broken, the other party always has a choice whether or not to respond. NC can only be imposed on one's own actions but merely requested of the other.

 

If one party is adamant that the relationship is over then if the other breaks NC then it is easier for the one who wants out, to ignore the contact. Eventually the person doing the contacting will either stop of their own accord or when further drastic action is taken by the other (eg filing a harassment charge or telling the wife in the case of an affair).

 

If the reason that NC is established is to enable clarity; eg to make up ones' mind, then in an ideal situation, NC could be discarded if the party "comes back", divorce papers in hand. I haven't seen a lot of this on this forum.

 

A real problem is when an OW establishes NC because she really wants the above, or, a MM establishes NC because he wants to "work on his marriage"; but in either case he jumps the gun by coming back too early (ie not yet wiling to leave his wife), and the OW accepts it.

 

I can see why so many OW accept it because it has short and medium term advantages to them because they love him so much etc etc. As to long term I think it's unlikely to result in a satisfactory outcome for them. Most OW have to learn this for themselves and don't want to listen to any advice believing they are somehow different.

 

I disagree that NC will result in unsatisfactory results for the OP. I'm loving NC, and I honestly never thought that I would. As stated in previous posts, it's great for developing clarity and whilst the love for the AP does not go overnight, a kind of acceptance can grow. I now accept that a relationship with him would never have really been enough for me due to all the other factors he was trying to balance and would have had to continue doing so. I want to be with somebody who wants to be with me above everything else, to be somebody's number 1. Although it's not impossible that I would have been for him, the process was far too painful for all involved. Through NC I've been able to see that my options are open and I now live my life around me; I had forgotten how good that was.

 

IMTK, it's clear that he loves you, but he has put you through hell so far. Can you hang on whilst he figures himself out? I'm not sure that I could.

[Bootsie]

I disagree that NC will result in unsatisfactory results for the OP. I'm loving NC, and I honestly never thought that I would. As stated in previous posts, it's great for developing clarity and whilst the love for the AP does not go overnight, a kind of acceptance can grow. I now accept that a relationship with him would never have really been enough for me due to all the other factors he was trying to balance and would have had to continue doing so. I want to be with somebody who wants to be with me above everything else, to be somebody's number 1. Although it's not impossible that I would have been for him, the process was far too painful for all involved. Through NC I've been able to see that my options are open and I now live my life around me; I had forgotten how good that was.

 

IMTK, it's clear that he loves you, but he has put you through hell so far. Can you hang on whilst he figures himself out? I'm not sure that I could.

 

Sorry I used loose wording which altered my meaning.

 

When I said: "I can see why so many OW accept it because it has short and medium term advantages to them because they love him so much etc etc. As to long term I think it's unlikely to result in a satisfactory outcome for them. Most OW have to learn this for themselves and don't want to listen to any advice believing they are somehow different."

 

By "it" I really meant "the break in NC" rather than "NC". So I think we agree.

[jennie-jennie]

A real problem is when an OW establishes NC because she really wants the above, or, a MM establishes NC because he wants to "work on his marriage"; but in either case he jumps the gun by coming back too early (ie not yet wiling to leave his wife), and the OW accepts it.

 

This is true. However, the question remains if it is indeed possible for the WS to actually work on his marriage and not just grieve the loss of the OP in what is similar to "a clenched jaw sobriety".

 

By cutting off the connection to the OP the WS is once again cutting off the connection to his emotional self. Hopefully he/she will be going to IC to work on the issues which once brought him/her to the point of having an extramarital relationship.

 

I believe the correct thing to do would be to work on oneself rather than to work on the marriage. Kudos to those WS who realize this.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Conversely, he NEEDS this IC and your R with him is NEVER going to work if he doesn't heal himself. If you can be there for him while he is doing the work, great. If he needs you to be on the sidelines and has expressed as much then stand back. If you really want him, do you want him to be the same as he was with her? Or do you want him healed, and a better man for you? Clearly he loves you. But without healing that love will be just as chaotic in the long run as it is now.

 

WF, your thoughts are dead-on with mine. i actually spoke to MM last night. He truly is not asking to break it off or "work on his marriage" this time as he has so many times in the past. He very firmly but very kindly asked me to just let him breathe a bit. when i asked if he wants me to disappear and wait to hear from him, he said, "no not really like that... I just can't have 8 voice mails a day and a lot of texting. I need to work this out for myself. its hard for me, too. I miss you, I hate not talking to you..."

 

When I gently questioned what it is he is acutally doing to work this out (I didn't want to hear just fluff!), he said he is working with his IC very intensely on how to move forward. when I asked if this meant his IC was trying to help him regain his love and desire to be with his wife, MM said that his IC is past trying to do that now. MM said, "He (the IC) is well aware that you are the woman I love and not her. He did in the past try to help me find love for her again, but I can't do it. So now we are working the kids. He told me not to "divorce my kids" and we're talking about them more than anything. I just want to be whole for you baby. I need to understand why I've been waffling so much and I need to be strong for you and the kids. I'm ready to move on. You're the woman I love..."

 

This is true. However, the question remains if it is indeed possible for the WS to actually work on his marriage and not just grieve the loss of the OP in what is similar to "a clenched jaw sobriety".

 

By cutting off the connection to the OP the WS is once again cutting off the connection to his emotional self. Hopefully he/she will be going to IC to work on the issues which once brought him/her to the point of having an extramarital relationship.

 

I believe the correct thing to do would be to work on oneself rather than to work on the marriage. Kudos to those WS who realize this.

 

Again, I feel the same. I think MM does as well. He tried the clenched-jaw approach and it has just never worked. I resisted the idea of him working on himself because I thought it was just an excuse to give him more time, but I truly think that's what he is doing. I want him strong and ready to make a life with me anad my girls. He is really an amazing man despite his weaknesses and the things that have happened.

 

I am approaching this VERY cautiously. He showed quite a bit of jealousy last night when I mentioned I have been spending time with a new neighbor of mine (a man, of course!). He and I have become great friends and he is very understanding of what I'm going through. We just talk, nothing more. MM and I live 3.5 hours apart, so he is quite nervous about this new man in my life. But so be it. I need that outlet. I need to be able to verbalize my anguish sometimes.

 

So I'm giving MM the space he needs. As of today, I am not going to contact him other than MAYBE a quick goodnight text here and there, as he said he would like that and he didn't want me cut off completely. It is KILLING ME already today, as he's my best friend and I have so many things in my day tht I want to share with him. But I love him, and he flat-out asked me to let him do this. So I have to let him. I promised him, and I will not break that promise.

 

Wish me luck

[BlueeyedJonesy]

wow IMTK, I don't even know what to say...It hurts me to read your posts. I really hope that you can find peace and hapiness, you and your girls deserve it. good luck

[bittersweet memories]

WF, your thoughts are dead-on with mine. i actually spoke to MM last night. He truly is not asking to break it off or "work on his marriage" this time as he has so many times in the past. He very firmly but very kindly asked me to just let him breathe a bit. when i asked if he wants me to disappear and wait to hear from him, he said, "no not really like that... I just can't have 8 voice mails a day and a lot of texting. I need to work this out for myself. its hard for me, too. I miss you, I hate not talking to you..."

 

When I gently questioned what it is he is acutally doing to work this out (I didn't want to hear just fluff!), he said he is working with his IC very intensely on how to move forward. when I asked if this meant his IC was trying to help him regain his love and desire to be with his wife, MM said that his IC is past trying to do that now. MM said, "He (the IC) is well aware that you are the woman I love and not her. He did in the past try to help me find love for her again, but I can't do it. So now we are working the kids. He told me not to "divorce my kids" and we're talking about them more than anything. I just want to be whole for you baby. I need to understand why I've been waffling so much and I need to be strong for you and the kids. I'm ready to move on. You're the woman I love..."

 

 

 

Again, I feel the same. I think MM does as well. He tried the clenched-jaw approach and it has just never worked. I resisted the idea of him working on himself because I thought it was just an excuse to give him more time, but I truly think that's what he is doing. I want him strong and ready to make a life with me anad my girls. He is really an amazing man despite his weaknesses and the things that have happened.

 

I am approaching this VERY cautiously. He showed quite a bit of jealousy last night when I mentioned I have been spending time with a new neighbor of mine (a man, of course!). He and I have become great friends and he is very understanding of what I'm going through. We just talk, nothing more. MM and I live 3.5 hours apart, so he is quite nervous about this new man in my life. But so be it. I need that outlet. I need to be able to verbalize my anguish sometimes.

 

So I'm giving MM the space he needs. As of today, I am not going to contact him other than MAYBE a quick goodnight text here and there, as he said he would like that and he didn't want me cut off completely. It is KILLING ME already today, as he's my best friend and I have so many things in my day tht I want to share with him. But I love him, and he flat-out asked me to let him do this. So I have to let him. I promised him, and I will not break that promise.

 

Wish me luck

 

Thats interesting he's finally seperated from his wife and living by himself but wants space from you....Wow! Becareful IMHK!

[whichwayisup]

Thats interesting he's finally seperated from his wife and living by himself but wants space from you....Wow! Becareful IMHK!

 

No, he's doing the right thing for once. How the hell can he end a marriage, move out etc, and then start a new life with someone else? This guy NEEDS TIME ALONE. The affair dynamtic has to end...If they stay intouch, have sex, call and text 10+ times a day, (which honestly isn't healthy to begin with) then how is he to heal and let go of his past (marriage, wife, that old life?).

 

He is atleast being upfront and honest for once. He's asking for space. NOT ending it, but telling Kiss HE needs some breathing room. The intensity of the affair HAS to change and even out..Time and space will allow that IF these two do end up together in the future, they'll both be better off for it.

 

Kiss, focus on you, your kids and don't make him the center of your Universe. He has to look out for himself as do you.

 

I just hope for your sake he isn't lying/exaggerating/omitting stuff. It would be really painful (again) if it turns out he truly didn't move out and isn't really intending on divorcing.

[I Miss the Kiss]

No, he's doing the right thing for once. How the hell can he end a marriage, move out etc, and then start a new life with someone else? This guy NEEDS TIME ALONE. The affair dynamtic has to end...If they stay intouch, have sex, call and text 10+ times a day, (which honestly isn't healthy to begin with) then how is he to heal and let go of his past (marriage, wife, that old life?).

 

He is atleast being upfront and honest for once. He's asking for space. NOT ending it, but telling Kiss HE needs some breathing room. The intensity of the affair HAS to change and even out..Time and space will allow that IF these two do end up together in the future, they'll both be better off for it.

 

Kiss, focus on you, your kids and don't make him the center of your Universe. He has to look out for himself as do you.

 

I just hope for your sake he isn't lying/exaggerating/omitting stuff. It would be really painful (again) if it turns out he truly didn't move out and isn't really intending on divorcing.

 

WWIU~ Hello my friend!! Its been a while

 

I honestly (anad maybe for the first time ever) truly believe that MM is being honest with me. On top of that, I do have a few distant connections where he lives that have confirmed that he is indeed still living apart from his W and has been since Jan 21 when he left her after being with me (you might all remember, that's when I ended up in the psych ward!)

 

Last night our conversation was open and honest. I let him know that I am making new friends and confiding in a person who happens to be a man. I didn't tell him that to upset him, but rather to open his eyes that his peanut (as he calls me ) isn't just sitting in her apartment by the phone. Well, ok, I do still do that, but still... LOL

 

Anyway, he said he is focusing on himself and his kids. His IC is being very helpful in that regard. MM in no way ended it with me; in fact, he specifically said he is doing this for us.

 

That remains to be seen...

 

I am being VERY careful, however. I think my best bet now is to just let him have the space he has so honestly asked for. That's all I can do. I don't want him in my life in the shape he was in anyway, so letting him breathe is my only hope for a lifef with him. He needs this time to decompress. I believe his W is filing or will file next week papaers for divorce (from my connection up there, and this is also what MM said). To be honest, filing papers is the least of my worries right now. MM needs to be whole for me. None of the rest matters if he doesn't get right with himself.

 

I'm just going to be patient, keep living my life with my girls, and loving him all the while. He isn't perfect, but I love him... and I won't let him down when he asks for a simple thing like some breathing room. He's the love of my life, and we'll just have to see if that matters in the end.

 

Thanks, everyone, for all of your thoughts today. I am cautiously hopeful and at peace with whatever comes next. I have plans with friends both male and female in the next week or two that should keep me busy. I think MM will be surprised at how strong I can be and how I can do as he asks by giving him room. I told him it would suck, but I will do it if that's what it takes...

 

IMTK

[bittersweet memories]

 

I just hope for your sake he isn't lying/exaggerating/omitting stuff. It would be really painful (again) if it turns out he truly didn't move out and isn't really intending on divorcing.

 

Thats why i told her to becarefull!!! Because how he's lied/exaggerated/omitted stuff in the past.

 

I just figured if what he's saying is the case why would he want her to back off. Yes, space is good but you never know with this guy. I'm just going by what she's gone thru in the past.

Edited April 16, 2010 by bittersweet memories