weeble78 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Ok, so I posted earlier about my new bf's ex. This is about the stuff preceding. We've had a very close and lovey-dovey relationship for 5 months. He's been the initiator until recently, where I asked to change my facebook status, have been arranging nights out for us etc. It got to the point where we were spending most nights together and then one night (before my housemate was going away for a week) I asked him to spend more time at mine as the house was going to be empty for a week. He seemed a little distant, adn this coupled with other things (after our first row he deleted his facebook rel. status but then put it back on when I asked him about it) made me feel vulnerable and scared. That night (2 weeks ago) I couldn't sleep so said to him I was going to go home and do some things to keep me busy as he was sleeping. He said fine ,then said it was weird me leaving like that and asked if something was wrong. I told him I'd been feeling vulnerable and am not used to being with somebody who cares for me, not used to sharing my life with another person. He got angry, thought I was finishing things and asked me to leave which I did immediately. We texted, I went back, he was furious, said it was the same thing he'd done with his ex because he didn't really want to be with her and asked if I felt the same. At no time did I say I wanted to split. I reassured him, he said he'd be there for me etc. For a week after he was being very affectionate, we spent every night together, he sent me many lovely emails. I started feeling very close with him and happy, thought things would be ok. Last Sunday he was supposed to spend the whole day with me, but then decided he wanted to watch footie so I said fine and he left. The nextday he apologised a million times for bailing on me, I said fine. He arranged to see me this Tuesday night, and I let him know I am going back home to London to my flat (which my ex is currently staying in although won't be there when I go back) as I'm visiting friends. As soon as I said that he's been busy the rest of the week but still sending me emails (more effusive than usual - that he loves me so much, is so happy and thinks we'll be this way forever and ever together). I don't really understand how the dynamic has changed from us spending nearly every night together and being sooooo happy, to him suddenly arranging nights out with the boys. He's joked twice about trying to make me jealous, and when he came over Tuesday he was stumbling over wording something - that he'd missed me Sunday/Monday night but something about not wanting to see me every night. I felt he was trying to say he missed me but doesn't want to spend all his time with me. I feel ready to tell him I want us to move in together. I feel maybe he's realised this and is trying to create distance. How do you manage this? He's as hard to talk to as getting blood out of a stone when it comes to feelings. Do I just be honest and say what I've said above - that I feel he's worried about being too caught up in teh relationship, or do I just leave it and give him space? I don't get it. Sorry this is massively long - I'm confused
boogieboy Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Yeah you messed up. Instead of telling him that you couldnt sleep because he changed his facebook status you said this "I told him I'd been feeling vulnerable and am not used to being with somebody who cares for me, not used to sharing my life with another person." What does that even mean? Hopefully for you he's playing the space game to make you miss him and then he'll come back.
Author weeble78 Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 It means after leaving my life behind in London and setting up back here and falling in love with the most wonderful person I have ever met (I never knew I could love like this, seriously - I'd do anything for him and he says the same of me) - one day it struck me how much I actually have. I've spent so long thinking I don't care about life any more or what happens to me and I realised I DO care. Now I know I care, I'm aware of how easily I could lose all that again, and I'm absolutely TERRIFIED of losing all this. I can't even begin to explain how this feels as I am usually a down-to-earth kind of person who doesn't believe in selfishness and bleating on about how worried I am about myslef. Seriously, I'm posting like mad on here because I don't understand how he's feeling. And if I don't understand how he's feeling how can I try and make things better? This is the first guy I've met whom I wholeheartedly respect, love, and wish to have in my life for the rest of it - somebody who I always want to make happy. And I'd just like to say a big thank you for reading my mahoooosive post and for your thoughts
boogieboy Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 If he doesnt tell you what his problem with you is, its because he doesnt want to make it better. You cant worry about it if you cant find out what the problem is. Just give him the space, let him come to you.
Author weeble78 Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Hey Boogieboy Thanks for your words and understanding. Since he has done this I have stepped back and not asked to see him, but let him make his decisions and do things his own way. I wish I hadn't said what I felt, and then maybe things would still be fine, but I felt the need to try and communicate how I was feeling because I was feeling so bad. I've been at home sick today and he's been in touch throughout the day. He's taking me out tomorrow night for a drink in the sunshine after work, and he wants to book a weekend away for my birthday in Amsterdam
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