Author nothappyjan Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Really??? I honestly would have walked away at the "staring at you blankly bit" when you said his name. Plus he made you go get your own drink at the bar? AND he told you he "needed half" after he ate and drank more than you? What a LOSER!!! Ok first off it's a blind date (online) so I would never in that situation expect a guy to pay seeing as it is our first time meeting, but it's not even about the not paying bit, but how he told you to go get a drink while he waited, totally ungentlemanly of him, and then he said you should fork out half the dinner bill when he did most the consuming. I wouldn't see him again, he did nothing to make you feel that he enjoyed meeting you. I bet that same guy, would get up and get a drink for a woman he is head over for, and insist on picking up the tab at the end of a dinner date. Did he try to get laid at the end of the night? That would be ultimate kicker!! HAHA when i first said hi and he ignored me i went to the toilet and contemplated leaving but I was raised too well to do that so i tried again. I just thought it was rude to not wait for me to get our drinks together. I mean my drink was $7 surely that would have been politer and I wasnt exactly late, i was 5mins early so its not like he was waiting for hours for me and needed a refreshing beer:p I wish he had tried to get laid i would have had a good excuse to knee him. But he just gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. Bah i think i might try joining a nunnery!
endlessblueskies Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Ok here's what you do..go out with him again...make sure you order a steak maybe some cheesecake, have a couple drinks..order the most expensive thing on the menu...then tell him you forgot your wallet. Then don't ever go out with the loser again. If a guy is into you..he will pay for you to sit there and eat a meal with him..it doesn't have to be a gourmet restaurant..it could be McDonalds..he should still pay for it. It's like a unwritten law right up there next to Thou shalt not steal thy neighbor's wife. I've been in relationships where not only did guys EXPECT me to pay half every time we went out to eat but would ask to BORROW money from me (which was never paid back). Beware of the tightwad! There are much better guys out there...
Twenty-ten Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Ok here's what you do..go out with him again...make sure you order a steak maybe some cheesecake, have a couple drinks..order the most expensive thing on the menu...then tell him you forgot your wallet. Then don't ever go out with the loser again. While that is a funny suggestion, that seems very wrong to me. Personally I would have been too turned off by the first meeting to even consider a second date, but that's just little ol'me.. If a guy is into you..he will pay for you to sit there and eat a meal with him..it doesn't have to be a gourmet restaurant..it could be McDonalds..he should still pay for it. It's like a unwritten law right up there next to Thou shalt not steal thy neighbor's wife. I've been in relationships where not only did guys EXPECT me to pay half every time we went out to eat but would ask to BORROW money from me (which was never paid back). Beware of the tightwad! There are much better guys out there... Agreed!
Pfiend101 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I'm a guy. I like to pay for everything. I dont expect anything in return. It makes me feel like a provider or something not really sure. I like if the woman offers to pay though. I politely tell her "thank you but I got it."
PhillySpecial Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Not every guy has been online its been a mix of friends, meeting out and online. One day my prince will come...right? YES he will come. The important thing is to never, ever lower your standards. Don't go down to his level, he needs to rise to your level. I'm sure you're a very cute girl, you don't have to settle. Remember what my girl Lil Kim says "9 out of 10 dudes ain't sh*t, 3 out of 10 dudes suck the dick"... The odds are against us...lmao
SarahRose Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 HAHA when i first said hi and he ignored me i went to the toilet and contemplated leaving but I was raised too well to do that so i tried again. I just thought it was rude to not wait for me to get our drinks together. I mean my drink was $7 surely that would have been politer and I wasnt exactly late, i was 5mins early so its not like he was waiting for hours for me and needed a refreshing beer:p I wish he had tried to get laid i would have had a good excuse to knee him. But he just gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. Bah i think i might try joining a nunnery! I have to ask. Were you raised to be a doormat putting everyone else's needs and feelings ahead of yours as this is what is sounds like. You don't have to be nice to rude people. You really don't. I have read your other posts and there is obviously a problem as you seem to go out with the worst douche bags that treat you like rubbish. I am not one for The Rules types of books but I really do think you need to read and follow a book like that. I think when you work on your self- esteem, boundaries, and valuing yourself more, you will attract a better quality man. If you keep attracting the jerks, go see a counselor and have them help you out.
Author nothappyjan Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 I have to ask. Were you raised to be a doormat putting everyone else's needs and feelings ahead of yours as this is what is sounds like. You don't have to be nice to rude people. You really don't. I have read your other posts and there is obviously a problem as you seem to go out with the worst douche bags that treat you like rubbish. I am not one for The Rules types of books but I really do think you need to read and follow a book like that. I think when you work on your self- esteem, boundaries, and valuing yourself more, you will attract a better quality man. If you keep attracting the jerks, go see a counselor and have them help you out. Well none of the guys are still around so i must not have that bad self esteem as i have never been abused or put up with crap worse than them not wanting a r/ship or not paying. I just find wishy washy dudes that are a bit of a waste of everyones time. I actually reject lots of guys and believe that im a good catch so i must not be toooo low in self esteem or id just pick up some guy on drugs who wants to be my fwbs:lmao: I have the rules and follow it most of the time I never sleep with them or go to their homes I accept proper dates and make them give notice. I also leave them to organise and ask me and contact me about dates but unfortunately if a guy asks you to pay at the end of a dinner theres not much u can do, u could refuse i suppose, now that would have been funny, should try that next time.
janie423 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 It appears that there is a contingency of men who have issues with paying for a woman's drink or dinner on the first date. They don't like to pay because the date may not lead to anything (a second date, etc.) This guy seems to be in that camp. These guys better get used to being alone. Women need to maintain their standards and never let a guy get away with not paying for the first date, whatever the date is. I am happy to see some women will not compromise this standard. We ladies are prizes that deserve good treatment. The OP got stuck in a situation and really had no choice, since this man could have confronted her harshly about paying for the meal. But he needs to be dropped like a stone. Don't even think about a second meeting.
Taramere Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 It appears that there is a contingency of men who have issues with paying for a woman's drink or dinner on the first date. They don't like to pay because the date may not lead to anything (a second date, etc.) This guy seems to be in that camp. I suspect it's characteristic of the whole online dating thing. In a normal scenario you've been out somewhere, caught a guy's interest....he likes you, and he wants to take you out. It's not generally a thrice weekly event for him to meet a woman he's interested in and successfully ask her out on a date. It's slightly more of an occasion, and one in which he might be quite adamant he wants to "treat". In online dating, it seems as though people are sometimes going out on two or three dates a week. Meeting up with people who they've never seen before, not knowing if they'll actually fancy them. I can see that men will be more inclined to walk into a situation like that in a blasé frame of mind, not necessarily having much respect for or interest in the woman involved...and an attitude that theyr'e not going to spend too much cash. "I've got another three women to meet next week" attitude. I can also see that some of the men using dating sites might not have the social skills to signal that expectation of Going Dutch in a way that doesn't come across as oafish or a bit chippy. These guys better get used to being alone. Women need to maintain their standards and never let a guy get away with not paying for the first date, whatever the date is. For me, going Dutch isn't a troubling issue. Often when I've gone out with a guy, it isn't clear whether it's an actual date - or just two friends meeting up for coffee/drinks. Some times there will be more indication that the guy is romantically interested than others. Of course there are times when a man will make it very clear, want to treat you to a fairly formal date (dinner etc)...but where I live, it's fairly usual to just meet quite casually as two friends would, and not necessarily in a situation where an expensive meal and wine are involved. It seems as though in the US you all adopt a far more formal approach to dating. Almost as though it's an interviewing process that involves set rules and etiquette that people aren't expected to breach. So perhaps splitting the bill isn't socially acceptable? I agree that the manner in which this guy indicated his expectation of the bill being split was rude and clumsy. Perhaps he was testing the OP to see what her boundaries (for tolerating boorish behaviour) are. Or perhaps he's just socially awkward. Either way, I can't see why she'd want another whirl on that particular merry-go-round.
flc Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 If your concerned about the cost of the first date then meet at Starbucks for coffee. That is what I normally did but I did pay for the ladies drink whether there or if we met at a bar. Whether he is cheap or not he has little to no social skills so I would move on.
Eeyore79 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I agree - if you're concerned about the cost of the date then you just meet the person for coffee and take it from there. If you subsequently invite them to dinner, the assumption is that you like them and want to spend more time with them, and therefore you shouldn't mind paying for the privilege. If you can't afford dinner, don't invite someone to dine with you, or take them to a place you can afford. You certainly don't eat MORE than them and demand half - that is a rude thing to do even with a friend, never mind a date who you're trying to impress! I could understand if he wasn't particularly wealthy (a student or something) and he asked politely if you could split the bill, but he asked so rudely! I can't understand why he wanted to see you again - to me, asking for half implies "I don't want to pay for you because I don't intend to see you again. As a woman, the only time I don't accept a man's offer to pay is if I don't want to see him again and therefore don't want to take advantage. The part where he told you to buy your own drink really got me! Firstly, he could have bought you one measly drink to be polite, no matter how broke he was. Secondly. if he didn't want to buy you a drink, he shouldn't have mentioned it - if you say to someone "Would you like a drink?" the assumption is that you're buying it for them! That applies to friends and acquaintances equally as much as it applies to dates... buying someone a drink when you have invited them out is just good manners. Do you really want to continue dating this skinflint who will probably embarrass you numerous times in the future by rudely refusing to buy drinks for friends, freeloading at restaurants by eating more than his share, and generally being all-round stingy? Not to mention he cancelled on you because of a hangover - omg, how rude! He obviously wasnt keen enough to meet you for it to be worth staying sober! He is rude and ill mannered and greedy, and if I were you I would NOT see him again.
jthorne Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 OP- Did you end up dumping that guy? I hope so. I'm not big into the online thing. I think you meet much better people through networking. I met my SO through his brother who works out at the gym we both go to.
harmfulsweetz Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 I don't often like to judge people as cheap because they want to split the bill on a date, particularly one whereby it's a first meeting, and it's just two people finding out if there is any attraction or if they are barking up the wrong tree so to speak. However, the way he handled the whole situation leads me to believe he is cheap, and has very poor manners. He could have offered to buy you a drink, he didn't, it's normally a good way to make the right impression and get off on the right foot, and asking for you to pay more than your fair share, is ridiculous. If that were me, I'd get the bill check off what I had, total it up and say that's mine, the rest is yours, before leaving. I wouldn't bother with a second date, he sounds like a total loser just for the way he handled the situation. If he cared about making the right impression, he wouldn't have acted like that. Maybe he does have social issues, but that shouldn't be your issue.
Author nothappyjan Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 OP- Did you end up dumping that guy? I hope so. I'm not big into the online thing. I think you meet much better people through networking. I met my SO through his brother who works out at the gym we both go to. haha yeh the guy is long gone now, although last week he started msging but i ignored them! With a lovely man now who doesnt mind treating me, even though i dont mind paying my own way either!
jthorne Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 haha yeh the guy is long gone now, although last week he started msging but i ignored them! With a lovely man now who doesnt mind treating me, even though i dont mind paying my own way either!Good! Glad to hear it!
homersheineken Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Phew, it's been a while since we had the ole "Who Pays First Argument". I was starting to feel lonely without it! But we do have plenty of "Porn, Good v. Bad" threads to make up for it That said, what he did on the 1st date is quite rude. Sent you to get your own drink? Then ordered more than you and expected/demanded half? Eeks!
homersheineken Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 It appears that there is a contingency of men who have issues with paying for a woman's drink or dinner on the first date. They don't like to pay because the date may not lead to anything (a second date, etc.) This guy seems to be in that camp. These guys better get used to being alone. Women need to maintain their standards and never let a guy get away with not paying for the first date, whatever the date is. I am happy to see some women will not compromise this standard. We ladies are prizes that deserve good treatment. The OP got stuck in a situation and really had no choice, since this man could have confronted her harshly about paying for the meal. But he needs to be dropped like a stone. Don't even think about a second meeting. Actually I'm the prize and the lady should feel honored to be out with me Used to being alone? I have no problem meeting new people and going out with new girls and do so all the time. Your post is incorrect and a silly justification for your morals/cheapness.
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