nothappyjan Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Met a guy online So we meet Tues for drinks we were like the only 2 pple there and I see him and he looks a bit like his pic and he told me where he was standing so I say hi twice and he looks blankly and leaves me standing there until he finally goes oh are u ..... I thought it was quite funny like random girls walk in and say hi straight away to u. He had already got himself a drink even though he was there 2mins before me so he goes you want a drink and I say sure and he goes ill wait here so i go get it and pay for it. I thought that was a bit rude and he could have at least offered to buy me one cheap drink or waited for me but I wasnt too bothered. Then he suggests dinner so I say ok and we had a nice chat and good chemistry he ended up eating quite a bit and he decided on a nice bottle of wine even though i said i couldnt drink anymore cause i was driving. Then at the end of the date we go to pay I had my wallet out and was about to say would you like me to give you some money when he goes i need half and then is working out our money cause i didnt have exact amount and the girl at the counter who could tell we were on 1st date goes to me...that wasnt a very fair swap. Now this is a first for me, im normally into paying my share after the first date and often end up paying more than the man, but he did have a good job, suggest dinner, order the wine etc I just feel like i enjoy the sacred ritual of the man paying for the first date its nice and he kinda took a bit of the magic out of it.......or am i being silly?? I am seeing him again tomorrow...hes 29 btw
green apples Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I'm afraid the comment "I need half" put me off. He could have asked to split the bill in a nicer way. How did the date go? You can probably assess whether he's into you and determine why he wants to go dutch. Either he's cheap or he's not into you and doesn't want to pay for your share, no offense.
Author nothappyjan Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 He arranged our 2nd date at the end of the 1st and now hes even arranged our 3rd date before we've been on our second date and hes been texting or calling every day so i think he does like me. Already invited me out with his friends etc so maybe he's just cheap I havent dated anyone who was before, most of the guys insisted on paying I'm afraid the comment "I need half" put me off. He could have asked to split the bill in a nicer way. How did the date go? You can probably assess whether he's into you and determine why he wants to go dutch. Either he's cheap or he's not into you and doesn't want to pay for your share, no offense.
green apples Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 He does sound cheap. Then you have to decide whether you like him enough to not let this bother you, if it bothers you.
SarahRose Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 This guy was beyond rude. Why on earth are you going out with him again???? He is showing you he is a cheap jerk. How has it been working out with you paying half of dates from the get go? Has it found you true love? A husband? Someone who cherishes you?
EasyHeart Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 This guy is a loser. Guy pays unless you're in an exclusive relationship. That's the rule. Everyone knows it.
bayouboi Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 The guy sounds like a cheap loser. But I mainly posted in here to tell you that your avatar is pretty wicked. It works like an optical illusion for me for some reason. When I'm reading your posts, your avatar looks like it's growing in my peripheral vision which made me think it was a flash animation at first, but then when I stare at it it doesn't move at all. ;o
bac Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Amazing! He is a fortunate man. Sure, he has scheduled a couple more dates because it is hard to find a girl who is willing to pay for a sexy stranger. I have never seen a guy like that. IMO he chooses the right type of woman who is proud to pay that is why he has chosen you. There is nothing wrong with paying for your own dinner unless it is a dinner with a guy you are going to have sex with. It is unfair to pay for dinner in such a romantic situation because sex puts things in a different perspective. The perspective is that you are going to give him too much, but he is going to give you much less.
2sure Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Amazing! He is a fortunate man. Sure, he has scheduled a couple more dates because it is hard to find a girl who is willing to pay for a sexy stranger. You got it. Sure he likes a woman who he can take advantage of right from the get go. And I'm not being sexist here...splitting a first date is not that big of a deal, especially when it is an initial meet and greet...BUT this guy even ordered a bottle of wine , a big meal and basically insisted you pay HALF even though it was not shared. I'd be damned. Expect more of the same on the second date. He either cannot afford his own meals or is looking for a fwb.
2sure Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 And you know what? The drink thing? You want a drink, go get it, I'll wait here. Yeah, I'd have told him not to hold his breath.
Zapbasket Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 The guy sounds awful. I'd not bother with a second date. He clearly has no manners.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I dated a guy once (Note I said ONCE) who at dinner informed me that I was paying the check for dinner (all of it). He said it was his first date rule that the girl paid for dinner and he paid for the movie or whatever activity. He did that because if the date went wrong, he wasn't out any money other than what he would have paid to entertain himself anyway. I imagine he didn't have a lot of second dates. First and last blind date I ever went on. Call me old fashioned, but MY rule is the guy always pays for the first date. This guy is either cheap, or doesn't have much respect for women. I think he took advantage of you, and doesn't deserve a second date.
janie423 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 He sounds beyond cheap. You should have left right after you paid, and then never allowed him to contact you. What you have done is enabled this kind of behavior to evolve into a second date. Surely you have more self-love than to accept this behavior.
VertexSquared Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 And you know what? The drink thing? You want a drink, go get it, I'll wait here. Yeah, I'd have told him not to hold his breath. If I were a woman and a guy said this to me, I would have just left. That's just plain rude -- reminds me of this thing my grandmother said once when I was a little kid. She'd ask me, "Do you want some chocolate pie?" "Yeah!" "Well, all the ingredients are in the kitchen, so go ahead and feel free to make one! Let me know when you finish because I'd love to try some!"
RobM Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Maybe it's because I'm older and have more money but I can't imagine making a woman pay on a first date. The guys is cheap and rude, don't go out with him again, or if you do, make sure you "accidently" forget your purse.
Author nothappyjan Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 HAHA thanks guys some great responses. I was just worried i might seem bitchy for dropping a guy just cause he didnt pay. However our 2nd and 3rd date activities i just realised would cost him NOTHING he got free sporting tickets then on sunday we were going to a free outdoor event...interesting:confused: But i have ended up really sick anyway and i have had to cancel they think i have appendicitis and im actually waiting to go to hospital for tests, i rang this guy and left a msg cause no answer. Then he never replied so i texted him to make sure cause i wanted to give him time to organise someone else to have my ticket and he has never gotten back to me even though i apologised and told what had happened. But he cancelled on me the first time cause he was HUNGOVER and i never complained. I thnk its common courtesy to let the person know you got their message.
marsle85 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Sorry, but I will not continue dating someone who makes me pay on the first or second date. I may treat him third or fourth- but I will say this again: I don't care how handsome, kind or COOL he is: I. will. not. go. on. another. date. This is your call, but I wouldn't have gone on Date 2.
skydiveaddict Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I agree.. Of course the guy pays for the date. I can think of no way to turn a girl off faster than asking her to pay
PhillySpecial Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 When he initially instructed you to go buy your own drink you should have made a U turn and left him sitting at the bar like the fool he is. Then after he rudely tells you to pay for half, you agree to a 2nd date... Ladies, ladies, ladies... when are some of you going to realize that it is better to stay home alone than settle for a loser.
mrt336 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Haha, I'd have to TRY to be a bigger toolbag than that. Someone else mentioned it but the drink part, the "okay go get it, I'll wait here," that's grade A ******* haha. As a throwback to Loveline, he must be super hot, because a guy can't act like that and have any chance with a girl who respects herself if he isn't.
Author nothappyjan Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 No he's not super hot, just average, but hes my type phyically. Lately ive been on sooo many bad first dates where there was no chemistry and i felt sooo awkward and like i was in a job interview so it was just good to talk normally with a person. I was also his first online date so i wonder if he has much experience with dating etiquette as he was in a long term r/ship previously. I normally have strict standards but the guys lately have been so weird and emotionally unavailable and just wanting fwb's so maybe im sub consciously lowering my standards. My mother would have a fit if she found out he didnt pay:lmao: He got back to me about cancelling, said he lost his phone lol where are all these kind chivalrous men in real life or do they just live here in LS??
Twenty-ten Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Really??? I honestly would have walked away at the "staring at you blankly bit" when you said his name. Plus he made you go get your own drink at the bar? AND he told you he "needed half" after he ate and drank more than you? What a LOSER!!! Ok first off it's a blind date (online) so I would never in that situation expect a guy to pay seeing as it is our first time meeting, but it's not even about the not paying bit, but how he told you to go get a drink while he waited, totally ungentlemanly of him, and then he said you should fork out half the dinner bill when he did most the consuming. I wouldn't see him again, he did nothing to make you feel that he enjoyed meeting you. I bet that same guy, would get up and get a drink for a woman he is head over for, and insist on picking up the tab at the end of a dinner date. Did he try to get laid at the end of the night? That would be ultimate kicker!!
Twenty-ten Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I may treat him third or fourth- but I will say this again: I don't care how handsome, kind or COOL he is: I. will. not. go. on. another. date. This is your call, but I wouldn't have gone on Date 2. Agreed 10000 times over!
PhillySpecial Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 (edited) Lately ive been on sooo many bad first dates where there was no chemistry and i felt sooo awkward and like i was in a job interview so it was just good to talk normally with a person. Where are you meeting all these men, online? I suggest talking on the phone for a while prior to going out on a date. Normally if you can talk to someone and have good chemistry on the phone that translates to a good first date. Don't be in such a rush to go out on a first date. Use phone conversations as a screening method. I normally have strict standards but the guys lately have been so weird and emotionally unavailable and just wanting fwb's so maybe im sub consciously lowering my standards. My mother would have a fit if she found out he didnt pay:lmao: Yes girl you're definitely scraping the bottom of the pudding cup with this one. :lmao::lmao: Edited April 16, 2010 by PhillySpecial
Author nothappyjan Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Where are you meeting all these men, online? I suggest talking on the phone for a while prior to going out on a date. Normally if you can talk to someone and have good chemistry on the phone that translates to a good first date. Don't be in such a rush to go out on a first date. Use phone conversations as a screening method. Yes girl you're definitely scraping the bottom of the pudding cup with this one. :lmao::lmao: Not every guy has been online its been a mix of friends, meeting out and online. One day my prince will come...right?
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