18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 My BF who is 13 yrs older than me Im 18,(dating for 8 mths) Is sweet, caring, loving, honest and loves me. Most people are against my relationship. He has a felony record from 10 years ago, and is weening of methadone. We are signing a lease to an apt tommorrow, and moving out of his parents place. he just got a new job after being laid off for 6 months. My question is Shouldnt how someone treats you out weigh his issues? Would you stay in a relationship with these issues or leave?
USMCHokie Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 My question is Shouldnt how someone treats you out weigh his issues? Yes, to some extent. But issues will be there forever. How he treats you may change or evolve over time. It's a risk you'll have to be willing to take. Would you stay in a relationship with these issues or leave? I would have never gotten into such a relationship in the first place.
txsilkysmoothe Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 LEAVE! REASONS: Methadone - weening is not equivalent to "drug free." He is 31 and lives with parents He is starting new job (stress and possibility job won't last if drug use gets in the way) Lease - why now? (you are stuck if he loses job or drug use gets in the way) Age Difference (sounds like you are the more mature) You must have your own doubts because you have posted two threads about this issue. Your adulthood is just starting. He has messed his up and whether he corrects that remains to be seen.
Author 18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Yes, to some extent. But issues will be there forever. How he treats you may change or evolve over time. It's a risk you'll have to be willing to take. I would have never gotten into such a relationship in the first place. Thats true in every realtionship, But why not get in the realationship in the first place?
Author 18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 LEAVE! REASONS: Methadone - weening is not equivalent to "drug free." He is 31 and lives with parents He is starting new job (stress and possibility job won't last if drug use gets in the way) Lease - why now? (you are stuck if he loses job or drug use gets in the way) Age Difference (sounds like you are the more mature) You must have your own doubts because you have posted two threads about this issue. Your adulthood is just starting. He has messed his up and whether he corrects that remains to be seen. i got a settlement in Jan, so i have money in the bank, just incase, i would have to leave. He held down a job for 4 straight years on the drug. I know weening off is not drug free but he is trying. I do have concerns and need advice, but my heart wont listen to any and I know it should.
USMCHokie Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Thats true in every realtionship, But why not get in the realationship in the first place? I didn't know he was a drug user from your previous epic thread. That's an insta-FAIL in my book. I also didn't know he was a convicted felon. That's a double insta-FAIL. I try to make it a point not to date losers...
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Keep dating him, see how things go, meaning, how he manages to live by himself and if he continually is working on himself, staying out of trouble etc.. There's no reason to jump into this, 8 months isn't that long and even more so when it comes to moving in with him. You're young and have alot of life to live..Your parents are scared this guy is going to have bad influence on you and hurt you.. This guy has alot of issues going on, moving in with him isn't a good idea. He needs to be alone, become independant again.
USMCHokie Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I do have concerns and need advice, but my heart wont listen to any and I know it should. This is clearly evident from your previous epic thread about your situation. No amount of advice is going to help you, as your heart and mind are already made up about this guy. That's why the only thing you can do now is live and learn.
Author 18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 This is clearly evident from your previous epic thread about your situation. No amount of advice is going to help you, as your heart and mind are already made up about this guy. That's why the only thing you can do now is live and learn. i made a thread bout methadone addiction and can you or how long does it take to get off?? do any of you know the outcome? his addiction to pain pills has been 10 yrs and on methadone for about 5
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 You are young and can't see the train wreck around the corner... Well, your heart and emotions won't let you. Question is, now that you've had some feedback, and your friends/family are concerned, will you take a step back and listen? Re-think things and slow it down? What is the rush to move in with this guy? HE needs to be alone, learn how to live alone, become independant, without relying on you, his family etc.. I posted on your other thread as well..
Author 18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 You are young and can't see the train wreck around the corner... Well, your heart and emotions won't let you. Question is, now that you've had some feedback, and your friends/family are concerned, will you take a step back and listen? Re-think things and slow it down? What is the rush to move in with this guy? HE needs to be alone, learn how to live alone, become independant, without relying on you, his family etc.. I posted on your other thread as well.. Thank you, he has lived on his own from 20-23 then moved back home. I have thought bout things and i am nervous and a bit scared.
USMCHokie Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Thank you, he has lived on his own from 20-23 then moved back home. I have thought bout things and i am nervous and a bit scared. Unfortunately, this is not a good sign...
Author 18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Unfortunately, this is not a good sign... lol which part?
Author 18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 The part that is bolded. Oh duh, im tired lol..im excited to have my first place also but I'm not signing my name on the lease
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Thank you, he has lived on his own from 20-23 then moved back home. I have thought bout things and i am nervous and a bit scared. So he's been living at home for over 7 years now. Less independant, relying on his parents.. He's a grown man! You should be scared! To be honest, I'm glad you're starting to think and feel now, and not let your emotions and love for him take over. This situation could mess YOU up, I mean, what if he goes backwards, makes bad choices, gets back into drugs?
Author 18inlove Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 So he's been living at home for over 7 years now. Less independant, relying on his parents.. He's a grown man! You should be scared! To be honest, I'm glad you're starting to think and feel now, and not let your emotions and love for him take over. This situation could mess YOU up, I mean, what if he goes backwards, makes bad choices, gets back into drugs? I know he has been trying and trying to get off...he keeps saying he is weening off, but then its longer and longer. His ex left him cause of this. But i wanna stick it out and help him through it
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