spookie Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 we are supposed to be having a sleepover tonight, but i dont want him to come over, because i have already decided to end it. i'm not that into him, he's not that into me; he got what he wanted, i didn't find what i was looking for. it was fun while it lasted, but it's time to move on, before we lose respect for each other, and ourselves. what's a good way to end and stay on good terms? i like him as a friend, and i really like his friends. i would like not to be cut out of his social circle (which i started joining before i knew him). my brilliant plan of the moment is to tell him we should break up because i want to get married and start having babies... he's terrified of babies, having offered to push me down the stairs when i joked i was pregnant with his, so i think that should scare him off without feeling like his ego was getting bruised or something.
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Isn't this your third post about the same guy - 3 days in a row? Be honest with him. Don't lie about babies. That's silly, and he'll read through it.
Hot Carl Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 If he has half a brain he's already read your signals. But if he has so little invested like you think, then just tell him you need more and you're not settling for less anymore. It might also reinforce the point if you have a pregnancy test sitting out somewhere and a Bride magazine.
Author spookie Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 there's two guys i've posted about recently. the one i've been in love with for two years, whom i'm not dating. and this guy. i'm not lying about the babies tho. i would love to have babies. but that requires being in a serious relationship first, which isn't going to happen with this guy. is the phone an acceptable way to end this non_relationship? i'd prefer not to see him, lest i waver. besides, if i'm not his gf, this isn't #reakuo... right? miore of a heads up that ill be dating other people, or, more likely, thinking harder about the other guy.
Hot Carl Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Don't do it on the phone. If you're concerned about faltering, then arrange to do it somewhere where nothing can happen.
USMCHokie Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Just be honest and end it. Guys definitely appreciate honest and straightforward. If you are too afraid of doing it in person, then do it by phone. Those should be your only two options. But in person is preferable. Don't expect to stay friends with him.
SadandConfusedWA Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I kind of worry spookie that you will now spiral back down into a full blown boss obsession. That might be even unhealthier than this non-relationship.
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Hmm... I don't think phone is the worst way to go about it. Phone or in person. In person is kind of unnecessary to me, unless you guys were dating seriously. It's kind of asking someone to do the awkward walk of shame after you tell them "I'm not into you". Phone lets them maintain some of their dignity.
Author spookie Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 sad... i was planning on doing just that to take my mind off the breakup; refocusing on my boss obsession. however... i chickened out when talking to nonbf today, so i guess were still together. the problem was that my entire justification for ending it was based on the assumption that we dont like each other, which was dispelled as soon as i heard his voice. he sounded so nice, and so obviously wanted to see me, that i started to crave him, and just couldn't do it. ugh im a mess. i function so much better when im single and happpily obsessing over someone i cant imagine could do any wrong.
Author spookie Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 in other news today my boss said, "your smiles mean everything." of course the context was work-related, but still, i'll be smiling each time i recall that glimmer of hope, for a while. i know it's probably narcissistic to believe every man is attracted to me, but i can't fathom that boss-man is not. maybe i should look for another job... pining after him for two years has been pathetic enough.
SadandConfusedWA Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Does the boss know that you have a bf? Another question: look back at your relationship with the boss a year ago. Would you say that you have grown closer and more emoitonally intimate now? Or is it at about the same level?
green apples Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Hi Spookie, I remember having read your threads about you boss a while back but I can't remember why you guys can't be together. I don't know how you can work for so long with someone you have such strong feelings for. I know I won't be able to. I wish you the best in your pursuit for something better and healthier.
Author spookie Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 i would say that i have gotten much more comfortable around him, and that he's on much less of a pedestal for me now, but i still thinks he's a really great guy. we had some departmental changes a while ago (he got promoted) which have resulted in us spending much less time together (he has others working for him now, and is in meetings most of the day) but i still get the vibe that he likes me on a personal level, and is attracted. i dont know if he knows i have a bf. however as i regularly pester his friend at the office (who is closer to me) about the status of his love life, i am pretty confident that he hasnt met anyone yet. (he works so much i imagine that would be hard to do, anyway.)
boogieboy Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Just tell him the truth. Youre not feelin it anymore. He will be less awkaward about it that you are. And dont expect it to be amicable. He most likely will not want to be friends. Especially if you lie to him. The babies line is a lie when you dont want babies right now.
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