longlegzs80 Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 this is a kinda odd question that might not be able to be answered, but I Am going to try it anyways. For the singles, why are you still single? Has anyone who has experienced being single like myself for years understand why your still single? Are there certain things you feel you need to change about yourself to get someone like a man or a women interested in you?
Tony T Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 Absolutely my choice. Until the rigfht situation comes along, there is no good reason to get married. That's much too serious a step to take lightly. I don't think rational people set out to get married. It's something that happens if and when it's supposed to. Forcing something like that with a person who is not right is insane. The absolute worst case of loneliness is not a fraction as hellish as a bad relationship...or marriage.
UCFKevin Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 Too soon after my last relationship to get into anything again. Plus I'm moving.
yes Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 I realized I've got some "issues" a while ago, and I'd like to work them out with myself before getting into anything. Mind you, if somebody I really like comes along, I'll give it a shot. -yes
Samson Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 Are there certain things you feel you need to change about yourself to get someone like a man or a women interested in you? IMHO it is easier to find someone who accepts you for who you have become as an adult than to be some sort of character chamellion. Changing what has formed over two decades or more is no small feat, and there's still no guerantee it will work to attract another.
moimeme Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 The things I'm looking for are not very common at all. I've tried settling - doing without a couple of them - but it was a mistake that I'll never make again. Tony's right - it's no use trying to make a go of it with someone who's not truly right for you. It's not about having people interested in you because it isn't terribly handy to have guys interested in you if you're not interested in them. You can enjoy life a great deal even without a partner, and in so doing, perhaps find someone you are interested in.
sarah12 Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 For the singles, why are you still single? Has anyone who has experienced being single like myself for years understand why your still single? Are there certain things you feel you need to change about yourself to get someone like a man or a women interested in you? Why am I still single? I haven't found someone compatible to date. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost a year and have 'dated' but either the situation was not ideal or we found we weren't compatible. I don't think I need to change anything to get someone interested in me, but I'd like to improve myself for myself. There are people interested in me, but they're not the ones I'm interested in. I'm not too worried about finding someone to 'settle down' with but I'm also not in a rush to get married, like Tony mentioned. If it doesn't happen, I'm not going to freak out. It's just the way life goes I guess.
reasontosigh Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 Tony said it best for me too, I'd say. I imagine I'll settle down myself one day, but getting married is something I can only see myself doing once in my life, so I'm willing to wait for the right situation. I have never thought patience was my strong suit, but considering I am now 44, I guess I am actually more patient than I thought!
Arabess Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 SOOOO many men....so little time.....I LOVE being single! I came close to getting married a year or so ago....but I wonder if it got right down to it....if I really would have. I think few people enjoy being single as much as I do. I actually think about one day when I retire.....jetting around in my 'motorhome' going from one shuffleboard tournament to the next.....flirting with all the new 'widowers'. I'm sooooo bad.......
BlockHead Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 longlegzs80 Has anyone who has experienced being single like myself for years understand why your still single?I like to ask “Why should I feel the need to be in a relationship?” As a guy, I must take all of the risks, and I have everything to lose in a marriage including my sanity. Tony The absolute worst case of loneliness is not a fraction as hellish as a bad relationship...or marriage.I’ll take loneliness over misery any day.
subtitled Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 i'm the same as 'yes'.. i have issues which i plan on sorting out before getting into another relationship. I aim to achieve personal satisfaction, raise my self-esteem and get some confidence, and hopefully when i'm crusing around in my complete state of contentment, someone perfect will drop out of the sky. Ofcourse, this will most likely not happen, but the general gist that i have to grow a spine before i can have a healthy relationship is quite realistic.
Arabess Posted January 18, 2004 Posted January 18, 2004 Originally posted by BlockHead I’ll take loneliness over misery any day. Well stated!!!
Author longlegzs80 Posted January 19, 2004 Author Posted January 19, 2004 I don't choose to be lonely. It would be great to have someone in my life. But I think I am single because I don't get out much and I find it very hard to communicate to guys that I am truely attracted too. I am not attracted to just any guy, but when I am attracted to one, I Find it so hard to speak to them. I agree with YES though as far as wanting to work on some issues, but it would just be nice to know that someone is interested in you and would like to take you out every once in awhile or just come over to hang out.
Author longlegzs80 Posted January 19, 2004 Author Posted January 19, 2004 Another thing is that I have been told that I am intimidating which makes me wonder why. But I think it has to do with my bluntness and I don't take people crap very well, and I speak my mind. This was told to me by my one girl friend. With the intimidation thing, boys could think I am attractive but are scared to talk to me, which I have been told by guys that I am attractive and why I don't have a man.
Arabess Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 I think sometimes it just depends on where you live. I live in "male paradise" where they are a dime a dozen. To be honest.....I actually picked this area on the map for that reason. We have two Navy bases, a Coast Guard station and an Army fort.....
sarah12 Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 longlegz - I have also been told that I'm attractive, and I also don't take crap from anybody. I think there is a limit to speaking your mind though. Perhaps you could work on that a bit. It's generally impolite to speak too bluntly, especially to those you don't know well (i.e., a new guy that you meet). Also, 'not getting out much' could be the reason you are lonely. Try getting out more - it'll force you to be more social so that you won't be so shy around guys.
ziggue Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 Originally posted by longlegzs80 I don't choose to be lonely. It would be great to have someone in my life. But I think I am single because I don't get out much and I find it very hard to communicate to guys that I am truely attracted too. I am not attracted to just any guy, but when I am attracted to one, I Find it so hard to speak to them. I agree with YES though as far as wanting to work on some issues, but it would just be nice to know that someone is interested in you and would like to take you out every once in awhile or just come over to hang out. I am in the same boat as you. I know all too well how you feel. I don't choose to be lonely either. In the boyfriend/girlfriend sense. It does suck. Most of my friends have boyfriends. That doesn't help. It makes me feel like I am the only single person around. Everybody around me seems to be taken. Plus being with somebody would make my friends not want to go out. There would be no point since they've already got somebody. Not unless it was a girls night. Even then they would still want to go home early back to their partners. I have been in a few relationships and dated a couple of guys but nothing as worked out for me yet. Most of the guys I have dated for a while have had kids. I now know I want to find a guy with no kids. No matter how hot they are. (Hopefully I won't cave in that kind of situation)! You have to deal with their mother and it's just an added stress onto the relationship for me. Especially since I don't have any kids myself. Even though I did like the kids of the guy I last went out with. I think I need to get out more as well. Somewhere where I don't need to bring my friends with me and meet nice/cute guys at the same time that I am attracted too of course! . Plus like you I find it hard to approach a guy I really like and that I am attracted too. Once I get more relaxed around them I may open up a bit more though. If we get to talking somehow. I as well as Sarah12 have been told that I am attractive too but I am definately not intimidating maybe it's because I can be a little shy as well which doesn't help. I know I have got to work on that a bit more. Big time! I have been told that you'll never know if you never ask. Arabess I think I need to move to where you live! Lol. .
Darkangelism Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 longlegz, u worry too much, you will find someone, just be patient, you and me PM and you seem like a very nice and good person, good things happen to good people. I am in the same position you are, unhappily single, but I don't let it bother me too much, just keep your chin up
Arabess Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 Arabess I think I need to move to where you live! Lol. . I actually told a few guys tonight that there were women in the world who were having a hard time meeting enough guys to have a choice....they ALL said....why don't they live HERE???????
Darkangelism Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 and all you single fems can PM me, at the very least I can help you be more comfortable talking to guys.
sarah12 Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 Ironically, last night I was told by a good guy friend of mine that several of his friends were interested in me at some point over the last few years of our friendship. He also said that the reason they never made a move is because I am an intimidating girl!! This is hard for me to believe, but I think I do see it now. So longlegz - I think you and I have the same problem. I think guys are intimidated by me because I am not that shy around guys. I am VERY shy around guys that I like, but I have no trouble talking to guys in general that I am not interested in. I also think that people think I am a confident person because of the way that I present myself. I think that I am a very positive and confident person to a certain extent, but I never thought it would show so much that people would call me intimidating! In fact, I think that I try to act confident because it's the best way for me to handle myself in particular situations. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's almost like I play off like I am confident so that it makes me feel better about who I am...make sense? So like if I was lonely or something, I would force myself to be happy and have a good time by talking to lots of people and meeting lots of people- and I usually do end up having a good time. ziggue - like you, I also have many friends in relationships who want to go home early to their boyfriends. It really ruins the night when that happens. I find that I have the most fun with friends who are single. As for your shyness - you do have to work on that! I used to be a very very shy person as well, but one day, when I switched to a new school back in grade 6 or so, I told myself I just have to force confidence in me. And really, how much could it hurt to open my mouth once in a while??! Since then, there was no going back! And for all of us - we should be more like Arabess. She is truly ENJOYING being single and not hoping for anything to come along. Maybe it comes with age and more experience. I am happy with who I am, and I don't need a relationship right now, but I do hope that one day, I can fall in love.
moimeme Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 and all you single fems can PM me, at the very least I can help you be more comfortable talking to guys That's very self-sacrificing of you
moimeme Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 almost like I play off like I am confident so that it makes me feel better about who I am That's called 'fake it 'till you make it' and it's a strategy that's recommended to people who are shy. Pretend you have self-confidence, act as though you have self-confidence, and you will actually become more self-confident.
NEONINK Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 I'm single now because of all of your support and advice , my friends support and advice, my families support, my own self-esteem getting out of the gutter and taking a hike, and now a counselor's support to NOT ACCEPT LESS THAN! I finally walked away from a pathetic, using relationship with someone emotionally unavailable and walked into singledom. Oh boy... I guess all you guys now have to come over for the Superbowl... I hear my ex is having a superbowl party... and guess who wasn't invited...
Errol Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 Originally posted by Tony I don't think rational people set out to get married. I had to chuckle when I read that! I know this is a thread for singles and I'm married, but I want to comment: I went through several phases when I was single. First I just wanted to date a lot, variety and experience were what I was after -- I did not want responsibility. Then I got tired of dating so many people and wanted to be attached to one person for a long time - I got tired of the awkwardness that sometimes happens when dating someone new. I wanted to be counted on and I wanted to count on someone else being there on Saturday nights. I would still ask - but the asking was different because we were comfortable. I wanted a steady relationship for a while. Then I decided I like the constants in a steady relationship and I wanted even more of a commitment. I wanted to be in love and have someone be in love with me. My perception of my dates changed and somewhere I was asking myself "is this the right person for me to spend the rest of my life with?" Luckily I found the right person who was at the same point in life and asking the same questions. We fit together. It has all, always been a choice. The most difficult part was being patient.
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