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Amazing girl on eH -- we're going to phone chat tonight. Need some quick pointers.

VertexSquared

By VertexSquared
in Dating

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CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

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Thumbs up Vertex! Fonzi style. :bunny::)

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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AWESOME!

 

See?!!

 

I am so happy for you!!!

 

Now, aren't you glad you didn't hire a hooker? :lmao:

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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AWESOME!

 

See?!!

 

I am so happy for you!!!

 

Now, aren't you glad you didn't hire a hooker? :lmao:

 

 

Hahahaha, indeed, but I never would have done that anyway, no matter how upset I became. That just isn't me.

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

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that's soooo goood! Just make sure you don't put her on too high a pedestal until you really get to know her. Take it slow.

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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Oiii I have to slow myself down. We're talking quite a bit with one another, even over mailchat.

Crazy Magnet Established Member

Crazy Magnet

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Yay! Success!!!! :D

 

I'm so glad to hear it went to so well! And I'm so glad that you have such a great connection with her so far. :) You guys sound like me and my BF. We have so much in common it's freaky. Our first date after open communication sounds a lot like your phone call! On and on and on. :) Go with your gut on this one and forget about dating "rules."

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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My only concern is her self-esteem. It seems clear that she's been burned/disappointed in her past relationships pretty hard, and I think she's nervous about "screwing up" in front of me. She said she was able to just be herself on the phone last night, but I can tell that she had a lot of latent worries.

 

We're both pretty excited but I really hope that she can relax around me. I'm really not a judgmental/impatient person. I assured her that I was an open book and that I'm huge on talking things out, so I hope she can gain some confidence in the fact that I totally understand where she's coming from.

spookie Established Member

spookie

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aw aspie love

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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Pretty sure neither of us has Asperger's, haha.

Crazy Magnet Established Member

Crazy Magnet

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It's normal to be nervous about screwing up at first. From your posts it looks like you are the same way. :) Don't fault her for something you also have an issue with. :) We have ALL been burned, some more than others. If my current BF (and ex's for that matter) hadn't been willing to invest in someone who had been burned, well I'd be screwed for life. lol

 

Nobody is perfect, so don't expect her to be either. :D

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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It's normal to be nervous about screwing up at first. From your posts it looks like you are the same way. :) Don't fault her for something you also have an issue with. :) We have ALL been burned, some more than others. If my current BF (and ex's for that matter) hadn't been willing to invest in someone who had been burned, well I'd be screwed for life. lol

 

Nobody is perfect, so don't expect her to be either. :D

 

Oh, of course -- I didn't mean to imply that I didn't have some self-esteem issues of my own. I'm just trying to gain confidence by "faking it until I make it," really. She's a great girl and I just hope that we can relax and just be ourselves around each other and enjoy everything without worrying.

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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I am now realizing that this is uncharted territory for me. All the girls I've ever gone out with were very extroverted and outgoing. Being with someone a bit more low-key is new to me.

Rorschach Established Member

Rorschach

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I am now realizing that this is uncharted territory for me. All the girls I've ever gone out with were very extroverted and outgoing. Being with someone a bit more low-key is new to me.

 

Seriously though I'm crazy jealous of you. I can't even describe how much I envy people who are in good relationships where things seem to be going along well. Especially young relationships when you're still super smitten with each other.

 

I love that feeling :love:

 

and hate you :mad:;):cool:

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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Seriously though I'm crazy jealous of you. I can't even describe how much I envy people who are in good relationships where things seem to be going along well. Especially young relationships when you're still super smitten with each other.

 

I love that feeling :love:

 

and hate you :mad:;):cool:

 

To be fair, we're not in a relationship yet at all and we actually have yet to meet in person (we set up a date for tomorrow). There's still a chance things won't work out for whatever reason, lol. I never count my chickens until they hatch (mainly when it comes to social stuff).

Rorschach Established Member

Rorschach

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To be fair, we're not in a relationship yet at all and we actually have yet to meet in person (we set up a date for tomorrow). There's still a chance things won't work out for whatever reason, lol. I never count my chickens until they hatch (mainly when it comes to social stuff).

 

I bet it works out, the first relationship I was in went the same way. It was a long distance relationship and the first day we met online we talked for 4 hours about some very personal stuff (which is unusual for me... well was unusual not so much anymore). And from day #2 we were both pretty crazy about each other. In the long run it didn't work out but that first year was AMAZING.

 

Being long distance was kinda cool too, because maybe you could only see each other for one weekend a month but I tell you, seeing your e-GF for the first time after 5 months of phonecalls, texts, and IMs is great, and then seeing her for 2 days a month, or sometimes a week, made the time you were together so much more enjoyable.

 

I would be amazed if it didn't go at least somewhere for awhile.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Oh. My. God.

 

We spoke for two hours -- she was more nervous than I was!!!!

 

She kept blanking and apologizing for "not having more questions to ask me" -- SHE ACTUALLY TOLD ME SHE NORMALLY WRITES THINGS DOWN XD XD XD

 

Seriously, the same **** I was doing in this thread!

 

She admitted she was really nervous and a bit insecure because she was "so different" from most people -- but this is what I liked about her! She's got a great job, a great education, great looks, and we share many esoteric musical tastes and activities. We wound up talking about a variety of things and she soon became a bit more open with me. It was funny because her nervousness actually KILLED my nerves and I was suddenly superconfident the rest of the conversation.

 

She's so bright and interesting -- I had a great time speaking with her. It was amazing because I felt like I was talking to the female version of myself or something. We had *so* many things in common to the point where it was almost a cosmic joke or something. I've never met anyone with so many commonalities.

 

A few times her shyness came across as distanced disapproval -- but I realized that is exactly how I sound sometimes. This shyness thing makes a lot more sense to me now, hearing it externally. I could tell she was just nervous but it "came across" differently. I reassured her that I thought highly of her traits/etc and that she had no reason to be shy around me! Near the end of the conversation she basically admitted to me that she was really interested in me and was just really worried about saying something wrong.

 

It put me at ease because it gave us a really good opportunity to be open with one another from the very start. She actually told me that I had her fooled -- I told her I was normally really shy and she totally didn't believe me.

 

Other than that, though, we spoke about music, travel, food (we're both majorly into food/gastronomy), college, work, random sidehobbies we enjoyed, stuff about our families, random views on eHarmony/dating in general/etc.

 

It was a really good conversation -- there were a few times where we paused but she filled it with an apology for "freezing up." I want to hug her so badly and let her know that I totally understand her, hahah. She honestly has nothing to be insecure about. But, like me, she is a perfectionist and hates it when things don't go according to plan (as do I). Again, these similarities are nuts.

 

We scheduled a date for this Friday. After we ended our phone conversation she sent me an Email a few minutes later:

 

"I really had fun talking with you tonight, despite how long and random it may have been! It's such a relief that I can be myself around you. :) I don't really know what I was so worried about... honestly, I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time, and I haven't felt that way since high school! There's just so much uncanny overlap in our personalities and the inexplicably insane improbability of it all is still blowing my mind. Haha, perhaps we'll end up running into each other on the way to work tomorrow. :p Either way though I look forward to seeing you in person! I'll see you on Gchat tomorrow!"

 

This whole post put THE BIGGEST SMILE on my face! Yay for you, Vertex!! :)

:bunny:

 

Here's my advice... DON'T CALL. Here's why.

 

Back when I was younger, if I got a girls number, I would chat and chat with her online or on the phone so much that by the time we met up in person, I had run out of things to talk about. We kept running into awkward silence and struggling for conversation. It was not fun, and they usually didn't lead to second dates.

 

Save your A-material for face-to-face time.

 

Totally agree. Keep your communications a little bit more low key until you meet up.

 

My only concern is her self-esteem. It seems clear that she's been burned/disappointed in her past relationships pretty hard, and I think she's nervous about "screwing up" in front of me. She said she was able to just be herself on the phone last night, but I can tell that she had a lot of latent worries.

 

Most people with relationship experience do. At least she's being open about it. :)

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VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

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I bet it works out, the first relationship I was in went the same way. It was a long distance relationship and the first day we met online we talked for 4 hours about some very personal stuff (which is unusual for me... well was unusual not so much anymore). And from day #2 we were both pretty crazy about each other. In the long run it didn't work out but that first year was AMAZING.

 

Being long distance was kinda cool too, because maybe you could only see each other for one weekend a month but I tell you, seeing your e-GF for the first time after 5 months of phonecalls, texts, and IMs is great, and then seeing her for 2 days a month, or sometimes a week, made the time you were together so much more enjoyable.

 

I would be amazed if it didn't go at least somewhere for awhile.

 

I can relate -- my first relationship was also long distance for the first year. Finally getting to spend time together was amazing -- things unfortunately ended after 2 years. But I hear you on that note... it's a great feeling.

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