Rorschach Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 So as anyone who has seen a couple of my other thread knows I'm single, I have a weight problem, but I've been dieting and losing weight reliably for over 2 months. I've lost almost 40 pounds so far, in another couple months I could probably lose another 40 pounds and hit what I would call 'date weight'. I'd still have a bit to go before I reach my goal weight of 200 (I'd be happy just under 220) and of course there is all the muscle building/toning I can do. But I'd be presentable at least. So here is my dilemma, as badly as I want to meet somebody to spend time with, I don't feel like throwing myself out there just to get my feelings tromped on by women who don't care where I'm going only where I am (and you can't judge them for that, I'd do the same thing if a girl said 'okay I'm 220 but I'm losing weight'). So do I continue to try to meet people online and to a lesser extent in the real world. Or do I just pull a groundhog and declare six more weeks of relationship winter until my weight problem is more or less under control and I would consider myself to be somewhat attractive? Ideas? Opinions? Comments?
alphamale Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 i would pull the groundhog, you can also uses this time to prepare yourself mentally when all the girls start throwing themselves at you
sally4sara Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 How well does whatever routine you're using to lose the weight fit into your daily schedule? If you were to give someone else your time, would you be able to accomplish your health target in the amount of time it will take as it stands now with no one taking up your time? See, I'm guilty of what I'm about to say and I see others doing it too. You have a certain fitness standard as a single person. Simply being single means you are doing more work even without a fitness routine because you are the only one who will do it. Then you meet someone who fills you up with the warm fuzzies and you become complacent. Only gets worse if you cohabitate. Two now sharing the work of one home. You start prioritizing getting their time and more good vibes over your fitness schedule. It is great if you meet someone who has the same fitness interests, but if they don't..... I guess it all depends on what you're doing to achieve your goal.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 How well does whatever routine you're using to lose the weight fit into your daily schedule? If you were to give someone else your time, would you be able to accomplish your health target in the amount of time it will take as it stands now with no one taking up your time? See, I'm guilty of what I'm about to say and I see others doing it too. You have a certain fitness standard as a single person. Simply being single means you are doing more work even without a fitness routine because you are the only one who will do it. Then you meet someone who fills you up with the warm fuzzies and you become complacent. Only gets worse if you cohabitate. Two now sharing the work of one home. You start prioritizing getting their time and more good vibes over your fitness schedule. It is great if you meet someone who has the same fitness interests, but if they don't..... I guess it all depends on what you're doing to achieve your goal. I could see me getting the warm and fuzzies, but my fitness schedule takes place between 6 AM and 8 AM, not exactly primtime dating If anything i might just go 'well I got one!' and get complacent, but I can't see myself doing that either as I have about 10 reasons to lose weight and getting me a girly friend is only 1 of them. Still think I'm going to pull a groundhog in all likely hood, unless everybody else disagrees with me.
SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 You are more than your weight....as long as you're not going after shallow girls and you have an OK personality, you should be fine to date. Great point made my Sally4Sara though.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 You are more than your weight....as long as you're not going after shallow girls and you have an OK personality, you should be fine to date. Great point made my Sally4Sara though. Call me a pessimistic arse but I don't think women care about your personality UNLESS they are somewhat attracted to you. I don't even get the time of day with most women, and in my opinion I have a great personality.
SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Call me a pessimistic arse but I don't think women care about your personality UNLESS they are somewhat attracted to you. I don't even get the time of day with most women, and in my opinion I have a great personality. Call me naive, but I think women are more attracted to personality than they are physical appearance I know it's true for me.
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 i would pull the groundhog, you can also uses this time to prepare yourself mentally when all the girls start throwing themselves at you I wouldn't necessarily hide. I would practice looking your best, dressing well, acquainting yourself with your sexy, new weight. Go to bars, go out with the guys, hit on women, learn your style. See how they respond to you, find what you're looking for. It's not just going to fall into place once you're skinny and muscly. This is prep-time. No pressure, no failure, prep-time. Great job, btw.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Call me naive, but I think women are more attracted to personality than they are physical appearance I know it's true for me. I'm an optimist in virtually all walks of life, I have a large amount of self confidence due to the fact that I did lose so much weight, I have a great sense of humor, and alot of other things that supposedly drive the girls wild. But I haven't seen hide nor hair of them in a long time I figure if I keep my eyes open in real life where it's easier for my personality to come across I might meet someone, one of my problems with meeting people in real life is it's expensive and I don't really know where to start haha I'd really really love for things to be the way you say they are, and I know for some women it's true, but alot of those are already taken by guys with great personalities
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 I wouldn't necessarily hide. I would practice looking your best, dressing well, acquainting yourself with your sexy, new weight. Go to bars, go out with the guys, hit on women, learn your style. See how they respond to you, find what you're looking for. It's not just going to fall into place once you're skinny and muscly. This is prep-time. No pressure, no failure, prep-time. Great job, btw. I don't drink, I don't have any 'the guys' (I just moved back from iowa to maine 4 months ago), and I've never even tried hitting on women I'd probably melt into a puddle on the floor at the thought.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Man I sound like a ****ing pansy in this thread... So. Somebody tell me how the hell you hit on women without being one of the PUA douches. I'm not looking for one night stands I'm just looking for a girl to hang out with and get to know I know it sounds cheesy and old fashioned but I really do like being friends first (well, friends with the understanding that I'm not friendlisted anyway). If I can't get along with a woman as a friend I see no hope getting along when a relationship starts. How the heck do I pull this off ladies? I'll go learn if only so I don't sound like a bloody wimp like I have so far this thread
mem11363 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 R, You might have 10 reasons but you clearly only have one driver for losing weight. You need to prepare yourself to maintain your commitment level when that emotional driver disappears because you have a GF. Losing weight is hard - making the emotional changes needed to keep it off - much harder for most folks. My brother in law has pulled this off by finding a food mix that he is happy to eat open ended which is high nutrient/low calorie. Like a big bowl of oatmeal with skim milk and a banana for breakfast. Super filling - healthy - not very caloric. But he eats that every day. He just has a pretty tight routine. He has steadily lost 70 pounds in just under a year and a half doing that. I could see me getting the warm and fuzzies, but my fitness schedule takes place between 6 AM and 8 AM, not exactly primtime dating If anything i might just go 'well I got one!' and get complacent, but I can't see myself doing that either as I have about 10 reasons to lose weight and getting me a girly friend is only 1 of them. Still think I'm going to pull a groundhog in all likely hood, unless everybody else disagrees with me.
RobM Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I would throw yourself out there and start, and consider it practice. Most likely you won't meet the "one" on your first hundred trys anyway. Think of it like all the work interviews you go thru just so you're ready when you have the one interview you really care about.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 R, You might have 10 reasons but you clearly only have one driver for losing weight. You need to prepare yourself to maintain your commitment level when that emotional driver disappears because you have a GF. Losing weight is hard - making the emotional changes needed to keep it off - much harder for most folks. My brother in law has pulled this off by finding a food mix that he is happy to eat open ended which is high nutrient/low calorie. Like a big bowl of oatmeal with skim milk and a banana for breakfast. Super filling - healthy - not very caloric. But he eats that every day. He just has a pretty tight routine. He has steadily lost 70 pounds in just under a year and a half doing that. Hey thanks for the input. I always like hearing good advice. But honestly, I have many reasons that are far more important to me as for why I want to lose weight, but this is loveshack not myunclealmostdiedtodiabetesandhighbloodpreassurerightinfrontofmeshack
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Either you're convincing yourself that you have to be friends with a woman first - to comfort yourself, so that initial rejection basically never happens (out of your pool of female-friends) or because you really value that connection. I don't know you well enough to figure that out. If it is the second, you've answered your own question. But be wary, friend-zone is a dangerous, dangerous place. Unless you hate the idea of going to a few bars with friends- you should give it a try. Even sports bars. If you don't have a group of guy friends, meet some. I think basking in the testosterone will pump you up, and give you the courage you may be missing. I will never say being a guy is easy when it comes to pursuing women. But I'd rather be moving than a sitting duck. Everyday, do something for you. Whether it be work out, or read self-help books, or pluck your eyebrows, etc. SOMETHING that makes you feel good. Become invested in your appearance. It's not conceited. It's smart, and it will boost your confidence. This will be evident to all of those girly-friends you have, and maybe will turn up the sex appeal.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Either you're convincing yourself that you have to be friends with a woman first - to comfort yourself, so that initial rejection basically never happens (out of your pool of female-friends) or because you really value that connection. I don't know you well enough to figure that out. If it is the second, you've answered your own question. But be wary, friend-zone is a dangerous, dangerous place. Unless you hate the idea of going to a few bars with friends- you should give it a try. Even sports bars. If you don't have a group of guy friends, meet some. I think basking in the testosterone will pump you up, and give you the courage you may be missing. I will never say being a guy is easy when it comes to pursuing women. But I'd rather be moving than a sitting duck. Everyday, do something for you. Whether it be work out, or read self-help books, or pluck your eyebrows, etc. SOMETHING that makes you feel good. Become invested in your appearance. It's not conceited. It's smart, and it will boost your confidence. This will be evident to all of those girly-friends you have, and maybe will turn up the sex appeal. I've done the bar thing, I really just don't like it. It's not really my personality type. I totally agree with just going out there and doing something though. I work out 5 days a week and the 2 days I don't I'm so sore from the other 5 I'm not likely to forget what I'm going through to feel better about myself Honestly I feel damn good about myself right now, which is why I started trying to get into dating again at all, just a lack of any sort of results in a week sort of deflate a guy. (not even a smile back, c'mon!) I feel better about myself now than I have in years and I'm crazy excited to go work out friday (thursday is one of my days off since I have an 8 AM meeting at work) and continue to lose weight. As far as friends first goes, I'm a romantic. I know alot of guys SAY they are romantics but they just say it to pick up chicks, but honestly I am. I'm chivalrous, romantic, and in touch with my emotions to the point that when women that I'm interested in are around me, I'm very good at picking up on whatever vibes their laying down (which is actually a new skill I didn't have a year ago XD born through hardship). I've just been getting bad vibes all week and I'm not too sure why. I don't really want to go groundhog if only because I feel I'm good enough right now to meet somebody if I could get half a chance.
alphamale Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 As far as friends first goes, I'm a romantic. I know alot of guys SAY they are romantics but they just say it to pick up chicks, but honestly I am. I'm chivalrous, romantic, and in touch with my emotions to the point that when women that I'm interested in are around me, I'm very good at picking up on whatever vibes their laying down (which is actually a new skill I didn't have a year ago XD born through hardship). yea yea, look, we just want you to get laid
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I don't really want to go groundhog if only because I feel I'm good enough right now to meet somebody if I could get half a chance. You -are- good enough. I'm not just being nice. You're active and working out- which is more than a lot of thin guys could say. This will play out naturally. It ALWAYS seems like romance comes when you're not looking for it. How have you lost the weight? What kind of workout regime/calorie count?
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 yea yea, look, we just want you to get laid haha I appreciate the concern but I'm not into that really XD Yeah I swear I'm like half step from gay in some ways
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 yea yea, look, we just want you to get laid hahah:love:... that too!
Pedigree Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I know it sounds cheesy and old fashioned but I really do like being friends first (well, friends with the understanding that I'm not friendlisted anyway). If I can't get along with a woman as a friend I see no hope getting along when a relationship starts. That's the problem isn't it? I'm like you as well, I only go "Wow, I like this girl" after a few weeks instead of a few minutes. With regards to your original question, I'm going through something similar (I lost 30 pounds to go from overweight bordering on obese to overweight bordering on normal). I'll be lying if I didn't think that this ought to make me look better in front of the ladies but I think you should work out for your health, well being, and no longer getting shortness of breath when you run after a bus.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 You -are- good enough. I'm not just being nice. You're active and working out- which is more than a lot of thin guys could say. This will play out naturally. It ALWAYS seems like romance comes when you're not looking for it. How have you lost the weight? What kind of workout regime/calorie count? 3-5 workouts a week, half an hour on a stairmaster, half an hour of free weights, half an hour of treadmill, sometimes I ride my bike to the gym too (five miles), I burn about 1000 calories on the cardio alone (stairmaster is ****ing evil but damn it burns calories, 700 per half hour, sometimes I go in and just do a full hour of stairmaster and burn 1500 calories!) I'm allocated 1680 calories a day intake, I have a detailed log of all the calories I've eaten in the past 2 months and most days where I'm 'on target' I eat about 1600, and most days where I'm 'off target' I eat maybe 1800. I have 5 days where I completely went off my diet. I lost 25 pounds in the first month, then plateau'd for a month before I went crazy the past two weeks busted balls working out and dieting to get the ball rolling again and dropped 10 pounds in two weeks.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 That's the problem isn't it? I'm like you as well, I only go "Wow, I like this girl" after a few weeks instead of a few minutes. With regards to your original question, I'm going through something similar (I lost 30 pounds to go from overweight bordering on obese to overweight bordering on normal). I'll be lying if I didn't think that this ought to make me look better in front of the ladies but I think you should work out for your health, well being, and no longer getting shortness of breath when you run after a bus. haha, well I have a hiking trip this weekend, 10 miles across two moutain peaks. Probably take me the better part of 5-6 hours. Should be fun. I love hiking, I don't think I'll have any trouble making it either.
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 3-5 workouts a week, half an hour on a stairmaster, half an hour of free weights, half an hour of treadmill, sometimes I ride my bike to the gym too (five miles), I burn about 1000 calories on the cardio alone (stairmaster is ****ing evil but damn it burns calories, 700 per half hour, sometimes I go in and just do a full hour of stairmaster and burn 1500 calories!) I'm allocated 1680 calories a day intake, I have a detailed log of all the calories I've eaten in the past 2 months and most days where I'm 'on target' I eat about 1600, and most days where I'm 'off target' I eat maybe 1800. I have 5 days where I completely went off my diet. I lost 25 pounds in the first month, then plateau'd for a month before I went crazy the past two weeks busted balls working out and dieting to get the ball rolling again and dropped 10 pounds in two weeks. Gosh, guys lose weight so fast. Grrr. I lost 25 lbs over a six month period - swimming 8,000+ yards a day, cardio every other day, and intense weight training twice a week. Mind you, this was because I was on the swim team- but jeesh, it took me SIX MONTHS.
Author Rorschach Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Gosh, guys lose weight so fast. Grrr. I lost 25 lbs over a six month period - swimming 8,000+ yards a day, cardio every other day, and intense weight training twice a week. Mind you, this was because I was on the swim team- but jeesh, it took me SIX MONTHS. haha, yeah but I have alot more to lose than you I'm sure, and I don't think the last 25 pounds are going to come off easy. I've lost weight easily my whole life, whenever I started dieting or exercising AT ALL I would lose something, so I'm not surprised I've lost so much now that I'm really pouring myself body and soul into it.
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