Star Gazer Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 So if your boyfriend sounds as horrible as you've written here, wouldn't the more appropriate approach be that you break up? What about what SS has described is "horrible"? I think what you're suggesting is a gross exaggeration.
make me believe Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I think first you should stop making everything so convenient for him at your expense. He basically has it made without having to do anything, no commitment, etc, Make him make the effort as clearly you are making all the effort. Stay home most nights except for one or two dates a week in which he comes over to get you. I would forget about the moving in. He isn't ready. Besides do you want to play house until he is bored with it or do you wanted to be married? Men will do what you put up with. I agree completely with SarahRose! SS, how long have you two been together? If it's more than a year, I think it's a big red flag that he's not willing to make any kind of commitment to you yet. He wants you to "kind of" move in to make things convenient for him, but without having to actually be a grown up and deal with the commitment/responsibility of living with a partner. If your end goal is marriage with this guy, it would be a HUUUUUGE mistake to move in with him without a ring on your finger & a wedding date set. I can't emphasize that enough! He is being incredibly selfish and it sounds like you've put up with this for a long time. Why? I also think it's a huge red flag that he is in his mid-30s and basically still wants to live like a single guy, partying with his friends, and having his girlfriend around at his convenience. Sounds like somebody needs to grow up a little bit..
Phateless Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Who says I'm in a rush? We've had the timeline talk. He wants to have a baby in the next 23 months (less than 2 years). He sees moving in and getting married as a natural progression to having a baby. Anyways, how would you feel if someone you had been dating for years spent every day talking about living with you, and marrying you, and naming your hypothetical babies, and so on, and then basically said "yeah but not really, not in the near future" AND THEN got angry and started a fight when you calmly and politely pointed out that you would like him to be about it, rather than just talking about it. I totally get that, girlie, that sucks. Sounds like he just doesn't know what he wants, or is scared to move forward. How long have you been waiting? It might be time to set a time limit, not for him, but for yourself.
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 BF is a great person, and a great BF. While I find certain things frustrating, his behavior as I've described it (and as it is) doesn't make him a terrible person.
CLC2008 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 You have to be as on board with it as you expect him too. Is your bf someone you see a future with? If he is, then I say just slowly start leaving items accidentally behind at his house
threebyfate Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Do yourself a favour and keep a separate residence. If he wants to see you, he can drive over and pick you up for a date and/or stay at your place. A guy who sees marriage as a natural progression to baby making, is ass-backwards and someone to be careful of.
Rorschach Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 A guy who sees marriage as a natural progression to baby making, is ass-backwards and someone to be careful of. So you see baby making as a natural progression to marriage? Boy they sure do raise 'em funny in the hills
threebyfate Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 So you see baby making as a natural progression to marriage? Boy they sure do raise 'em funny in the hills I see marriage as two people who love each other and want to commit for life. If babies are part of the picture, a family is an agreed upon goal in life, rather than a necessity of marriage.
CLC2008 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 It does seem to be the norm these days. My older sister got preggo first before getting married too, that's actually why they got married. She said she forgot to take her b.c. pill. Umhm. But that's neither here nor there, because she has beautiful children and a really good husband and she's a very good wife/mother too.
Rorschach Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 I see marriage as two people who love each other and want to commit for life. If babies are part of the picture, a family is an agreed upon goal in life, rather than a necessity of marriage. Oh I understood what you meant, I just thought that taken in a slightly different context your post became hilarious.
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