marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Unfortunately, no one here knows what's going on in your bf's head. But from an outside perspective it sounds squirrely. Sorry, I couldn't help the pun. LOL(z). You're a nut... Bahahahha:love:
CLC2008 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 LOL(z). You're a nut... Bahahahha:love: Thanks but I am not into lesbianism.
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Regardless of his motivations for wanting you there, living out of a suitcase when you have a perfectly acceptable alternate residence sucks. I personally wouldn't do it. I'm not sure why everyone is hating on this guy. I'd be flattered if I was told to "sort of move in." Seriously. Everyone is making him out to be this half-committed loser who just wants ass located 5 feet away from him at all times. And while i'm not saying he doesn't want your booty on call- he's being upfront, honest and the OPPOSITE of how everyone describes him. He IS committing. She isn't going to be living under a bridge and doing hers/his laundry at his place. She'll spend a few nights at his place, most at her own- enjoy dinners, save the trips in between dates to shower or brush her teeth, still be able to balance drinks with her girls AND have a LOT more sex in many new places... NONE that include: under a bridge!
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Thanks but I am not into lesbianism. Yikes! ...What??
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 (edited) And while i'm not saying he doesn't want your booty on call- he's being upfront, honest and the OPPOSITE of how everyone describes him. He IS committing. She isn't going to be living under a bridge and doing hers/his laundry at his place. She'll spend a few nights at his place, most at her own- enjoy dinners, save the trips in between dates to shower or brush her teeth, still be able to balance drinks with her girls AND have a LOT more sex in many new places... NONE that include: under a bridge! No, sorry to be confusing, but what you wrote above is our current situation. I have a toothbrush, face wash, moisturizer, shampoo and conditioner at his house. I don't even leave tampons in his bathroom. Every time I spend the night at his house (even just to read/watch tv and go to bed and nothing else) I have to pack a bag and bring everything I need (clothes, hair dryer, a book, my computer, etc.). He wants me to be at his place every single day/night, but not move anything in....in other words, live out of a suitcase. He wants us to keep doing what we've been doing, except have me go over to his place every single day, and him not come to mine anymore. But I don't get to move anything in to his house. Also: this arrangement would be especially annoying to me, and especially convenient for him. Annoying for me because over 50% of my job is working from home (which he wants to be his house, but again without me moving anything in), so he would want me to cook dinner every night, etc. When I go in to my office it's twice as far from his house as it is from mine. Especially convenient for him for all the obvious reasons. Edited April 15, 2010 by SecretSquirrel
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 No, sorry to be confusing, but what you wrote above is our current situation. I have a toothbrush, face wash, moisturizer, shampoo and conditioner at his house. I don't even leave tampons in his bathroom. Every time I spend the night at his house (even just to read/watch tv and go to bed and nothing else) I have to pack a bag and bring everything I need (clothes, hair dryer, a book, my computer, etc.). He wants me to be at his place every single day/night, but not move anything in....in other words, live out of a suitcase. He wants us to keep doing what we've been doing, except have me go over to his place every single day, and him not come to mine anymore. But I don't get to move anything in to his house. Also: this arrangement would be especially annoying to me, and especially convenient for him. Annoying for me because over 50% of my job is working from home (which he wants to be his house, but again without me moving anything in), so he would want me to cook dinner every night, etc. When I go in to my office it's twice as far from his house as it is from mine. Especially convenient for him for all the obvious reasons. Ahh. So- solution. You don't move in. Not until he's ready. You don't tell him why, you definitely don't say "You're not ready, so I will NOT be living out of a suitcase." No, a wise woman would calmly, nonchalantly say: "It's something to think about..." Make him beg you for it.
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 calmly, nonchalantly say: "It's something to think about..." Oh. I like that.
CLC2008 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Make sure you don't bring your stuffed animals secret squirrel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvhBt_XvHNY
mammax3 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Ooh, Marsle, "Something to think about..." Love it. (And I don't think = lesbianism, FWIW)
marsle85 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Ooh, Marsle, "Something to think about..." Love it. (And I don't think = lesbianism, FWIW) Hahah yesss, I know. I want to freely :love::love: without scaring away female posters.
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 I'm just so tired of him talking about our hypothetical marriage, moving in together, children, etc. He got mad and we had a fight when I told him this. How disappointing to hear him go on and on about that, and then tell me he didn't want to live with me after all. He did this on our anniversary, by the way, when we were at the restaurant where we had our first date. He took me there as a surprise. I nearly thought he was going to propose.
Star Gazer Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I'm just so tired of him talking about our hypothetical marriage, moving in together, children, etc. He got mad and we had a fight when I told him this. How disappointing to hear him go on and on about that, and then tell me he didn't want to live with me after all. He did this on our anniversary, by the way, when we were at the restaurant where we had our first date. He took me there as a surprise. I nearly thought he was going to propose. Did he tell you he didn't want you to move in afterall before or after the fight?
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Did he tell you he didn't want you to move in afterall before or after the fight? Before. 10 characters.
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Why? Did he explain? His only explanation is that he thinks he wants to keep living with his roommates (he owns the house) for a little bit longer. He did not specify what "a little bit longer" meant. I think he's indecisive, a dreamer, and I while I thought he was serious, I am now beginning to think he will never commit to me (beyond being in an exclusive relationship).
CLC2008 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Is his indecisive the type as such that it takes him a long time to order food and does he poke it with a fork for a few minutes before eating it?
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Is his indecisive the type as such that it takes him a long time to order food and does he poke it with a fork for a few minutes before eating it? His indecisiveness (that I have observed) is the type that it takes him a long time to order food, and then he pokes it with a fork for a few minutes, and then he doesn't eat it. But when I say "order food" I mean "big, serious, and possibly expensive" decision. He's not at all indecisive about things like which restaurant to eat at, or where to go on vacation.
Phateless Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 If he's not ready, he's not ready. Have you guys had a straight up talk in DEFINED terms? Maybe you should ask him what his ideal timeline would be? That's non-pushy but it gets you a ballpark. Why are you in such a rush to move in with him?
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 If he's not ready, he's not ready. Have you guys had a straight up talk in DEFINED terms? Maybe you should ask him what his ideal timeline would be? That's non-pushy but it gets you a ballpark. Why are you in such a rush to move in with him? Who says I'm in a rush? We've had the timeline talk. He wants to have a baby in the next 23 months (less than 2 years). He sees moving in and getting married as a natural progression to having a baby. Anyways, how would you feel if someone you had been dating for years spent every day talking about living with you, and marrying you, and naming your hypothetical babies, and so on, and then basically said "yeah but not really, not in the near future" AND THEN got angry and started a fight when you calmly and politely pointed out that you would like him to be about it, rather than just talking about it.
SarahRose Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I think first you should stop making everything so convenient for him at your expense. He basically has it made without having to do anything, no commitment, etc, I remember being very young and doing this and it was ridiculous. Here I was paying for a place to live and I wasn't even there. Did he care? Of course not. He got the free sex delivered to him like a pizza, plus all the other benefits of having me around but wasn't' willing to give back. I imagine you work hard for your money so why are you so willing to be inconvenienced. Make him make the effort as clearly you are making all the effort. Stay home most nights except for one or two dates a week in which he comes over to get you. I would forget about the moving in. He isn't ready. Besides do you want to play house until he is bored with it or do you wanted to be married? Men will do what you put up with.
Author SecretSquirrel Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 SarahRose I pretty much agree with you. I don't go over to his place every night; that's just what he wants with his "you should be move in, but not really" bull****. Currently we go on dates and/or alternate who comes over. I refuse to inconvenience myself in that way unless and until there is a ring on my finger. He's trying to hook me with a puppy, but he's full of **** and I'm not falling for it. I'm getting so angry/bitter over this. I can't even have a real conversation because he either lies to me ("I want to marry you"), and/or gets angry.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 SarahRose I pretty much agree with you. I don't go over to his place every night; that's just what he wants with his "you should be move in, but not really" bull****. Currently we go on dates and/or alternate who comes over. I refuse to inconvenience myself in that way unless and until there is a ring on my finger. He's trying to hook me with a puppy, but he's full of **** and I'm not falling for it. I'm getting so angry/bitter over this. I can't even have a real conversation because he either lies to me ("I want to marry you"), and/or gets angry. So if your boyfriend sounds as horrible as you've written here, wouldn't the more appropriate approach be that you break up? I mean I can see the situation from your point of view and pretty much agree 100% that what he's asking is downright selfish of him. The chances of him actually changing his stance would take massive convincing on your part to make him see how much he is demanding of you. I think the more adequate question here is what exactly is it that YOU want? I don't know much about your history but I can tell that you hope to settle down one day. Is your boyfriend someone you see in the future with?
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 It sounds like he likes the relationship, likes the idea of marrying you, but the reality of it isn't something he wants to have to handle right now. He is doing what he can and saying what you want to hear to keep you around on his terms until he is ready to realistically deal with yours. At this point, there has to be a compromise of some sorts - an actual date that he is ready for you to move in, and a crystal clear understanding that 'moving in' coincides with your engagement to you (a real one, with a ring). If he can't set a concrete date at this point, then marriage is more of a fantasy for him than a reality and you may want to rethink some things in terms of how long you intend to live in 'limbo'.
CLC2008 Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Is your boyfriend someone you see in the future with? That's the key question OP. And, it has to be mutual.
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