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Is Early Sex a Relationship Killer?


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Posted

This issue came up on a different board. The responses were very interesting, so I thought I would see what people thought over here.

 

Men: If a woman sleeps with you shortly after you meet and before you are exclusive, would you consider her for a serious/long-term relationship?

Posted

Good question...but I've never been in this sort of situation where I had sex before there was an understanding of exclusivity and a common interest in a relationship...

 

But yes, I'd still consider a serious relationship with her. It all depends on what happens after that...

Posted

If I was really into you then definitely:D

 

But if you really want something more than a "one night stand" out of this guy then hold off on sex with him until you get a better idea of where you stand to see if he's truly into you and wants more from you than just sex.

Posted

It's a bad idea. It makes a man wonder how many other guys have done this.

Posted
It's a bad idea. It makes a man wonder how many other guys have done this.

 

 

And this would definitely be my number one concern.

Posted

It depends on each person's attitude towards sex. If having early sex is considered "bad," then there's a greater chance for trouble down the road. If not, it's not a big deal. I've known people who had sex within hours or days of first meeting who ended up dating for a long time, and I've known people who waited months to have sex who didn't last very long.

Posted

Me and my ex had sex within the first week of meeting before we were bf/gf. She was my first love I am 25 and she 26, but she left me for another guy after 8 months together.

Posted

IMO: people who have early sex take the risk of becoming attached and then find out they don't even like the person. Sex attachment is strong and many people have a hard time walking away when your emotions are fully engaged.

You can be in an unhealthy relationship but don't have the courage or will to end it and walk away.

 

Seen it happen many times.

Posted
IMO: people who have early sex take the risk of becoming attached and then find out they don't even like the person. Sex attachment is strong and many people have a hard time walking away when your emotions are fully engaged.

You can be in an unhealthy relationship but don't have the courage or will to end it and walk away.

 

Seen it happen many times.

 

The last girl that I saw for a few months may have had this happen. Of course, I actually really liked her and broke me apart when she decided she didn't want to be with me in any serious fashion. It's a risk I'd rather not take again, but like I said, early sex doesn't necessarily have to be a toxic factor in a relationship. She did the same thing with the guy she's dating now and they've been dating for almost a year.

Posted

Sex too soon isn't a huge problem all by itself. Typically when you have sex too soon, then there are expectations of a complete relationship to go with it. Daily contact, expressions of affection, expectations that the weekend and evenings will be spent together. All good things, except they can be too much if it's too soon. That's where the danger lies.

Posted
Men: If a woman sleeps with you shortly after you meet and before you are exclusive, would you consider her for a serious/long-term relationship?

sure why not? studies have shown that when sex first happens has no bearing on the length of the relationship

Posted

Well, I slept with a guy within a few hours of meeting him one time in my life. It was the closest thing I've ever had to a ONS. We dated for over 2 years. From that it doesn't look like he cared one way or the other. That said, I've never done that again and I don't plan to! I think I got lucky.

Posted
sure why not? studies have shown that when sex first happens has no bearing on the length of the relationship

 

Interesting, Alpha. Do you have links to these studies?

Posted
Interesting, Alpha. Do you have links to these studies?

 

Studies have shown that people who ask for links to studies are skeptical.

Posted
This issue came up on a different board. The responses were very interesting, so I thought I would see what people thought over here.

 

Men: If a woman sleeps with you shortly after you meet and before you are exclusive, would you consider her for a serious/long-term relationship?

 

As a woman, I can say that my longest and happiest relationships have all started with sex on the first date.

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Posted

Does age matter?

 

Back when I was in my 20s and had no interest in marrying, this sort of thing never crossed my mind. But once I got to be around 35 and started looking for a wife, not just a girlfriend, I started getting much choosier.

Posted

I'm a 40+ year old man. It doesn't matter at all to me. Of course, I'm not looking to get remarried.

 

I slept with the woman I'm currently seeing on our first date, in fact, I spent the whole night at her house. It certainly hasn't negatively impacted our relationship.

Posted

I think anytime two people rush into something they are not sure should be happening yet, it can cause awkwardness. And not everyone reacts well to awkwardness. It is a break down of communication and in those moments the two people are just guessing at what it indicates about each other. Too easy to jump to conclusions and react badly.

It is best to develop a better communication with someone before sex. Sometimes two people immediately find ease in communicating with each other so quick sex isn't a problem.

Posted

Early sex is only a problem for sexist, insecure men still caught up in the Madonna/Whore syndrome. They don't like women who deny them sex, but they respect them. They don't respect women who give them sex, but they like them. It is total, self-defeating nonsense.

 

A secure, non-sexist man will thank his lucky stars he met a woman who wanted sex with him sooner rather than later.

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