LK30 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Hey! It's my ex's b'day in a couple of weeks. We split 3 months ago and had NC for 2. Should I send her a card.....?
Author LK30 Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Cheers guys - it was more me raising doubts and then her walking away. You could say 'mutual!'
USMCHokie Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Cheers guys - it was more me raising doubts and then her walking away. You could say 'mutual!' This is irrelevant and doesn't change the answer. No.
TLH Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Don't do it! It will only hurt you in the end, regardless of the response/lack of response.
Author LK30 Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Thanks everyone! That looks like an all round no! Clevername - I wondered if someone would ask me that! You're probably wondering if it's to get a response and I admit it partly is, but I know it's a bad idea and it's very unlikely I'd get a response - was just hoping for a 'thanks' to know she's still alive! I've done well - NC for 3 months despite being tempted to try to bump into her in the places I know I am likely to see her. I still keep thinking she might have met someone and I keep visualising her with a man. Does anyone else get his problem? I guess I hate the fact she was exclusive to me and now she's not! No doubt she's found someone new already whilst I'm stuck on my own :-(
hellopeople Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I'm stuck on my own Haha. You say that like it's a bad thing. Enjoy the freedom my friend! Oh, and ex nay on the card.
D-Lish Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Don't send her a card. You've been doing well on NC- if you strike up conversation again and the topic of dating new people comes up- it could set you back. What you don't know can't hurt you in this situation.
Author LK30 Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 Thanks guys - you all seem to be big supporters of this no contact thing!
Author LK30 Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 well it's her b'day on tues but i've held back sending a card. I wonder if she'll spend at least two secs wondering if i'll send her a card....
mr heartbroken Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I would say no! It will let her know that your are still thinking about her..
ADF Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 Ex's--especially male ex's--break contact for one reason only: to try and rekindle something. If your ex is at all sophisticated, she'll immediately know what you're up to. Most likely, you'll get no respnse. Are you ready to deal with that?
Author LK30 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Well, it's her b'day today and i've held back and not sent a card and not e-mailed her - even though it'd be a great excuse to make contact, but I know that that one move would probably have made 3 months of NC pointless (and it has been VERY tough!) No doubt she's having 'birthday sex' as she called it with some other guy (altho i'm just assuming), and i am absolutely sooooo jealous and gutted really as i do really miss her and I have not had a single sign of interest from any other girls since we split. I should've been happy with what I had. I feel miserable :-(
sean1970 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 and I have not had a single sign of interest from any other girls since we split.( How about any interest in yourself?
northstar1 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Well, it's her b'day today and i've held back and not sent a card and not e-mailed her - even though it'd be a great excuse to make contact, but I know that that one move would probably have made 3 months of NC pointless (and it has been VERY tough!) No doubt she's having 'birthday sex' as she called it with some other guy (altho i'm just assuming), and i am absolutely sooooo jealous and gutted really as i do really miss her and I have not had a single sign of interest from any other girls since we split. I should've been happy with what I had. I feel miserable :-( hey LK, props to you for resisting. I know it was hard not to, but you did the right thing. You'd have felt great for a minute, but then if she took her sweet time to reply or didn't, you'd feel bad again. Don't assume that man. She might be, she might not be. But think about this, even if she is, there is nothing you can do to change that now, so why torture yourself? Dont' worry about other girls, it's too soon for you to be in a mindset to give another girl a fair chance now anyways. Use this time for you, and improving yourself and spending time with friends. You'll be ready to date again soon enough.
Author LK30 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Sean - yes i've joined the gym and still waiting for a bit of counselling to learn how to 'move on' as i'm clearly 'stuck' on her! Maintained NC and kept a good socialise. Not physically depressed (i hope!), but feeling very negative and unwanted! :-(
Author LK30 Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Thanks again Northstar - you must be sick of me on here. Believe me, all the advice is really good, i just 'relapse' a bit and then have to remind myself that the advice I'm given is from people who know how it feels. My ex was like yours and walked away too easy. Perhaps I pushed her too much, but I feel like I miss her more everyday even tho the split was probably for the best!! You're right - e-mailing would've been good for a few secs but I confess I would've been gutted if she hadn't replied. It's almost like I want her to flash across my mind. An ego thing for sure!! One day I'll get over this - just anxious as it has been a few months. Perhaps she's in the same situation but of course I'd never know. Oh well!
sean1970 Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 (edited) even tho the split was probably for the best!! IMHO, it's much better when you realize this (and believe it) when you have not found another love interest yet... I'm not saying its a must, rather, you were able to distance yourself enough from the relationship, while alone and with enough time, to see it for what it really was. Also, you realize where you could have done better without a geyser of guilt soon after the thought. You're right - e-mailing would've been good for a few secs but I confess I would've been gutted if she hadn't replied. It's almost like I want her to flash across my mind. An ego thing for sure!! Getting a response would have been just as bad as you would have played detective for days on it. Edited May 4, 2010 by sean1970
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