I don't get it...

[romer]

How can my ex just dive into a new relationship days after we split up after being together for 1.5 years??? I can't even stomach the thought of being with anyone else...I'm a woman, maybe we are geared differently?

[sean1970]

The same reason we take pain meds... for temporary relief...

[hopesndreams]

You stated in a previous thread that he had cheated on you. So, why is it hard to believe he is with the woman he cheated on you with?

[romer]

Well, I was suspicious. I was told a couple of weeks later he was seeing someone. We had joined a gym together, and my feeling was he met her there, and I was right. I think they may have been just talking right before we split and then it turned romantic after. I have no proof of when it really started.

 

Either way, I still don't see how someone can just move on so fast and forget everything that they went through with you. It just hurts.

[sean1970]

Either way, I still don't see how someone can just move on so fast and forget everything that they went through with you. It just hurts.

 

If it is indeed someone he stays with (rare), its usually because, and this sucks, they 'moved on' long before the actual breakup....

[USMCHokie]

I know this is much easier said than done, but the only person that you should be concerned with after a breakup is yourself...

 

If your ex decides to jump into a new relationship, good for them. Let them deal with their own problems and leave that part of your life in the past...

[The Non-Student]

Doesn't mean he's over you at all. Just a coping mechanism would be my guess. Still sucks and hurts like s*** though.

[cdt76]

It happens because some people are too selfish and self-centered that nothing matters but themselves and their own feelings. Their ego is so large and they rationalize their actions based on what has happened in their past. For exampe, girl was hurt, not loved by her parents, left to fend for herself, put herself through school. Then she falls in love but the guy has imperfections, which she keeps a list of and eventually the list becomes too great and she breaks the relationship open because she finds another man who might not have the list. She justifies this because she has to look out for herself, no one else will, she can't "settle" for someone less then perfect because perfect is what she deserves. She doesn't see her own shortcomings. They do not matter. The only thing that matters is her ability to survive and find the things that fill the void inside her.

[deux ex machina]

It's not so much that I can't stomach the idea of being with someone else, it is more that I just feel quiet. As soon as the breakup happened, I got asked out -- and someone told me it must be because they sense I'm vulnerable. That freaked me out. I started becoming quiet. You can wind me up and I'll walk and talk. I'll laugh at a joke and tell one. People don't really know what to do with a person that doesn't want to say anything. So I say something, so people don't have to worry. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing...I guess it just is.

 

So I'm just quiet. I do my thing, go here and there, look at everyone else around me, in the cars and the buses going home, and I wonder if anyone else feels the same way I do. Probably not.

[TLH]

To be honest, I don't think that he dove into a new relationship. I think he dove into a rebound. The feelings of loss and withdrawal were probably a little too hard for him to handle so he quickly found someone to serve as a band aid for his wounds. The only problem is, when this "relationship" fails, (and it will) that band aid will be ripped off and he will have two fresh wounds to deal with.

 

Don't think about it too much (I know- easier said than done). What he does is no longer your concern or business. Focus on healing yourself. Be stronger than him. Fall in love with yourself. Learn to love yourself FIRST, always. And always love yourself more than your partner. This is not selfish, it's fair. You must properly meet your own needs (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) before you can meet the needs of others. So take this time to cultivate a new relationship with yourself. Before you know it, you will be living in bliss :-)

 

Stay strong. It will get better.

[Rearden Metal]

My ex told me (we are in the process of reconciliation) that she tried extremely hard to put me out of her head, out of her life. She said it was the hardest thing she ever tried to do.

 

She was in a relationship within weeks of our last contact, and it lasted about a month. I asked her what compelled her to get involved so quickly, and she said "he was nice. It just happened and he asked me. I wanted to forget you so I said ok. But I couldn't stop thinking about you and I knew it was only a matter of time before I'd break it off with him".

 

In that time, I had no idea this was what was going on in her head. You know why? Because I went NC as much as humanly possible and made her deal with it herself.

[romer]

Thanks. I am moving in a positive direction, NC at all...I have no appetite whatsoever so I am losing weight. My self esteem has taken an extreme blow. I need to get myself together so that if someone else does come along, I will be prepared.

 

As for my ex, I have no idea what is going on in his head. He is a child. He never moved out of his parents house, he is a few years younger than me, has never been married, no kids, no bills basically. I am a single mother, 2 jobs, responsibilities...so he is having fun I think. It still hurts me to the core though to know that he is with someone else, and she is getting the best of him right now just like I did at the beginning. What really, truly hurts me the most is the fact that I texted him about a month ago telling him that I know about her, never got a text back, no acknowledgement whatsoever. Nothing. Again, it makes me question the entire relationship we had.