What Would You Do.....

[confusedinkansas]

What would you do if you ran into your EX-AFFAIR Parner?

 

Purely by accident. Just happened to be at the same place at the same time? Say, at a restaurant, concert, market, drug store........

 

1) If your current spouse was with you -WWYD?

 

2) If you were alone WWYD?

[ladydesigner]

What Would You Do.....

What would you do if you ran into your EX-AFFAIR Parner?

 

Purely by accident. Just happened to be at the same place at the same time? Say, at a restaurant, concert, market, drug store........

 

1) If your current spouse was with you -WWYD?

 

2) If you were alone WWYD?

 

I have often thought of this scenario. If my spouse was with me I would probably say hi, my spouse does not know of the A only that we worked together, so I probably would have to introduce them...I guess...unless my XOM ran the other way:laugh:

 

If I was alone...same situation...I would probably do the usual hi how are you? blah blah blah...BUT I would not engage in any conversation regarding our A. It would have to be a hi and goodbye situation. If he were to engage in any conversation that I thought inappropriate I would have to shut him down immediately as that chapter has been closed in my life.

[anne1707]

I still work with the ex-OM so just keep polite and professional.

 

My H (who does know) will come and meet me at work at times. He takes great pleasure in waiting for me in reception and watching the ex-OM having to walk past trying to appear as if he is not bothered. I have sometimes witnessed it - I never knew the ex-OM could move so fast

[ConflictedGuy27]

I have often thought of this scenario. If my spouse was with me I would probably say hi, my spouse does not know of the A only that we worked together, so I probably would have to introduce them...I guess...unless my XOM ran the other way:laugh:

 

If I was alone...same situation...I would probably do the usual hi how are you? blah blah blah...BUT I would not engage in any conversation regarding our A. It would have to be a hi and goodbye situation. If he were to engage in any conversation that I thought inappropriate I would have to shut him down immediately as that chapter has been closed in my life.

 

You gave an honest, yet heinously disrespectful comment... Good lord. You would actually disrespect you H to that degree by introducing him to the man you had an affair with, without him knowing?!?

 

I don't typically bash posters, but good lord, that is the most passive agressive scenerio I've seen all week. It's like a big inside joke that your husband isn't in on. If you are truely serious about your reply, I feel VERY sorry for your H.

 

Saying ANYTHING to the person, much less acknowledging their presense is wildly inappropriate if the plan is to rebuild some semblance of a healthy, happy M.

 

Dignity and respect be damned, I guess...

 

When you see your ex AP, you turn tail and run, if you're serious about your M. Doing do shows integrity, respect and shows that you're willing to live the term "I'm sorry" versus just saying the words.

 

Clearly my opinion covers the "what I would do if my H wasn't there" portion of this post...

Edited April 14, 2010 by ConflictedGuy27

[Samantha0905]

What would you do if you ran into your EX-AFFAIR Parner?

 

Purely by accident. Just happened to be at the same place at the same time? Say, at a restaurant, concert, market, drug store........

 

1) If your current spouse was with you -WWYD?

 

2) If you were alone WWYD?

 

1) Dive under the nearest table? I may say hello if I bumped into XAP in close proximity with my spouse -- maybe not due to the shock factor -- and I certainly would NOT introduce the two of them. I would try to get the heck out of Dodge as quickly as possible.

 

2) Say hello, hug his neck and ask him how he is doing. Unless he was with a new girlfriend -- then I'd just say hello. If he wanted to introduce me to the new gfriend, I'd probably smile and say hello and go home and stick my XAP voodoo doll with pins.

[Samantha0905]

What would you do if you ran into your EX-AFFAIR Parner?

 

Purely by accident. Just happened to be at the same place at the same time? Say, at a restaurant, concert, market, drug store........

 

1) If your current spouse was with you -WWYD?

 

2) If you were alone WWYD?

 

How about you confusedinkansas?

[troggleputty]

What would you do if you ran into your EX-AFFAIR Parner?

 

Purely by accident. Just happened to be at the same place at the same time? Say, at a restaurant, concert, market, drug store........

 

1) If your current spouse was with you -WWYD?

 

2) If you were alone WWYD?

 

 

Say something very casual such as: "So, have you f*cked anyone interesting lately?"

[ladydesigner]

You gave an honest, yet heinously disrespectful comment... Good lord. You would actually disrespect you H to that degree by introducing him to the man you had an affair with, without him knowing?!?

 

I don't typically bash posters, but good lord, that is the most passive agressive scenerio I've seen all week. It's like a big inside joke that your husband isn't in on. If you are truely serious about your reply, I feel VERY sorry for your H.

 

Saying ANYTHING to the person, much less acknowledging their presense is wildly inappropriate if the plan is to rebuild some semblance of a healthy, happy M.

 

Dignity and respect be damned, I guess...

 

When you see your ex AP, you turn tail and run, if you're serious about your M. Doing do shows integrity, respect and shows that you're willing to live the term "I'm sorry" versus just saying the words.

 

Clearly my opinion covers the "what I would do if my H wasn't there" portion of this post...

 

You have no idea what I have been through. First of all I had a revenge affair because my H had an A. I know not the best way to solve a situation, but it is what ended up happening. Feeling sorry for my H... not really... I have forgiven him and forgiven myself. He has told half-truths which is why I do not disclose whole-truths. We can agree to disagree on this one.

 

While I agree my statement seems heinous I would never again engage in an A.

[Just a stone's throw]

You gave an honest, yet heinously disrespectful comment... Good lord. You would actually disrespect you H to that degree by introducing him to the man you had an affair with, without him knowing?!?

 

I don't typically bash posters, but good lord, that is the most passive agressive scenerio I've seen all week. It's like a big inside joke that your husband isn't in on. If you are truely serious about your reply, I feel VERY sorry for your H.

 

Saying ANYTHING to the person, much less acknowledging their presense is wildly inappropriate if the plan is to rebuild some semblance of a healthy, happy M.

 

Dignity and respect be damned, I guess...

 

When you see your ex AP, you turn tail and run, if you're serious about your M. Doing do shows integrity, respect and shows that you're willing to live the term "I'm sorry" versus just saying the words.

 

Clearly my opinion covers the "what I would do if my H wasn't there" portion of this post...

 

 

Then you'll need to chastise me also CG. I too, if with my husband would introduce him. ExMM and I still have some minimal email conversations regarding professionally related issues. He helped me to get my current job so my husband knows of him and knows his name from the professional associations and I think it would be rude in my scenario to not introduce them. We live in the same community. It is quite likely we will at some point run into each other. If I'm with my husband, I will be happier to run into him than without my husband.

 

Scenario number 2, I am expecting that one may happen in a couple months at a conference. I think because we've been colleageal, we will be okay and though it will be awkward, we will keep it business-like.

[FryFish]

He has told half-truths which is why I do not disclose whole-truths

Umm... You not only dont disclose whole-truths or even half truths... you dont disclose ANY truths.

[Samantha0905]

You have no idea what I have been through. First of all I had a revenge affair because my H had an A. I know not the best way to solve a situation, but it is what ended up happening. Feeling sorry for my H... not really... I have forgiven him and forgiven myself. He has told half-truths which is why I do not disclose whole-truths. We can agree to disagree on this one.

 

While I agree my statement seems heinous I would never again engage in an A.

 

I didn't think it seemed heinous. People make too many assumptions here sometimes not at all knowing the story of another person.

[FryFish]

Then you'll need to chastise me also CG.

Does this mean you have decided that you arent ever going to tell your H?

 

Well I hope he finds out anyways.

[ladydesigner]

Umm... You not only dont disclose whole-truths or even half truths... you dont disclose ANY truths.

 

Well not the truth of my A. You are right about that. Anyways...

[confusedinkansas]

Texan.....Ha Ha - Funny. I'm usually pretty good about checking my spelling. Apparently I missed this one.

 

This did happen to me about a year & a half ago.

 

Restaurant bar area setting. Jazz band playing in the background. Husband & I having appetizers & wine.

EX walks in. I about crawled under the table. But that would have been too obvious. I'm sure I turned as white as a ghost & I wanted to throw up. Couldn't do that either. It's a pretty nice establishment.

 

The ex spotted me from the door & came into the bar area stood within a foot of our table for about 30 seconds, which seemed like hours. (It was a high top table & honestly I could swear his back was pressed against it - right next to where I was sitting - ballsy huh? ) He then proceeded to the bathroom & the back past our table & LEFT. Did not order a drink. Did not stick around.

 

No introductions (my husband knows about our first go round - but he has never met the AP) No acknowledgements. However, I did receive a rather interesting email about 2 weeks later from him.

 

I'm asking now because it has been longer than a year since I laid eyes on the guy & even longer since any conversation. We live in a somewhat Little-Big town. We both like the same places & with it coming into the summertime - one of the things we both loved to do was sit on a patio somewhere, listen to music & sip wine. (My husband also enjoys doing this in the summer) I'm pretty sure that the odds are good that I may bump into him again at some point. I'm just curious how everyone else would handle the situation.

 

Now that my marriage is repaired - & we're moving on ....... Hell I may introduce them. Especially if he has his current girlfriend with him. (who was married woman numero 3 for the ........serial cheater ex loser bag of doggy doo doo!! )

[Just a stone's throw]

Does this mean you have decided that you arent ever going to tell your H?

 

Well I hope he finds out anyways.

 

I thought that maybe when I introduce him that would be the PERFECT time to tell him about how well I knew exMM. Nothing like a little ice breaker....

 

No I have not come to that conclusion yet. But thank you for your concern.

[confusedinkansas]

ConflictedGuy27: You gave an honest, yet heinously disrespectful comment

 

So you're telling me that no husband/wife would say to you in this scenario........"Who was that" if you don't introduce them?

 

I would think that would throw up more red flags than necessary.

 

I suppose you could say "Oh just someone I used to work with" & be done with it.

 

You can bash me too - Cuz as I said, I would introduce them. My husband knows my exAP's name. He'd recognize it in a heartbeat. He may glare at me for a sec. and ask a few questions - But we'd have a pretty good laugh about it when we got in the car.

 

Stones Throw - They are never going to let it go. Hope you can get used to it:laugh:

[Just a stone's throw]

 

Stones Throw - They are never going to let it go. Hope you can get used to it:laugh:

 

I have to be comfortable with me and my decisions. I believe that time and serious thought and prayer will help me to do the right thing, not someone badgering me into it on LS. I'm the one who will be picking up the pieces.

[Dexter Morgan]

What would you do if you ran into your EX-AFFAIR Parner?

 

Purely by accident. Just happened to be at the same place at the same time? Say, at a restaurant, concert, market, drug store........

 

1) If your current spouse was with you -WWYD?

 

2) If you were alone WWYD?

 

what would you do?

[Dexter Morgan]

Then you'll need to chastise me also CG. I too' date=' if with my husband would introduce him.[/quote']

 

why would you do something so disrespectful? If you are interested in making things right with your husband, you wouldn't even consider introducing him to the man you effed....let alone talk to the guy at all.

 

ANY contact with an affair partner is inappropriate if you are trying to make things right.

 

So the fact that you wold speak to the AP at all, and introduce your unsuspecting husband to him indicates that you aren't that serious about righting your wrong.

[Spark1111]

fBS here.....and I truly believe my fWS would rather have pins stuck in his eyes than to ever have the two of us in the same room.

 

That being said, it could very well happen someday. And all I really wonder is how HE would handle it.

 

Because I truly could care less anymore about my reaction: I doubt I would have one, but I would be watching him to see if he did. As I have known of her, I am not sure if I would expect him to introduce me again or not.

 

But I would remain very interested in how the scenario plays out...should it ever occur.

[Dexter Morgan]

Now that my marriage is repaired - & we're moving on

 

if that were true, you wouldn't fixate on your affair partner so much in this forum

 

 

....... Hell I may introduce them.

 

why would you introduce your husband to the man you had sex with behind his back? get some kind of kick out of it or something?

 

I don't think you are moving on and your marriage is repaired as you say it is. Your words on this site indicate otherwise.

[ladydesigner]

I just want to clarify one thing about the whole introduction thing. If we (my H and I) were to be at the same place my XAP was I would not walk up to him on my own accord. The introduction would only occur if we were face to face. I worked with my XOM and my H knows about him not the A. No I would not want to have to be in this position or have to introduce my H. I hope I never run into my XAP again. I have no desire to see, contact, or think much about what is going on in his life.

[SarahRose]

I don't get why people would even acknowledge them at all? Why wouldn't you just completely ignore them?

 

I would. I would just act like they are a stranger.

[ladydesigner]

I don't get why people would even acknowledge them at all? Why wouldn't you just completely ignore them?

 

I would. I would just act like they are a stranger.

 

I would do EXACTLY that unless he approached me face to face and said hello.

[SidLyon]

xBW too, but I know my H does not want to ever be in the same place with both of us there. We have discussed this and agreed that a polite nod as we pass is best although not yet put it into practice. I must ask him about what if he runs into her while alone.

 

If it's not a total threadjack, what about running into people that were enablers of the affair?

 

A few months ago my H and I ran into a woman who was a good friend of the OW, who also worked where they both used to work. She supported the OW through the death of her H, and my H and she communicated about some of the arrangements to notify other former work colleagues of the death/funeral.

 

There is no doubt she knew of the A although my H says they have never directly discussed the A but it was obvious she knew how close they were.

 

Anyway we ran into her unexpectedly and she and my H had an animated discussion. I worked out who she was fairly quickly and after 5 mins she held out her hand to me and started to introduce herself at which point my H jumped in and completed the introduction. We chatted for a while and moved on. I couldn't help myself but I must have rolled my eyes a couple of times as it became obvious that she was very uncomfortable talking with me.

 

Anyway about 3 weeks ago she actually started work at my H's work. I am a bit unsettled about this. He's told me that they haven't mentioned the OW at all but I know they had a "catch up" conversation because they were friendly after working together for many years.

 

We now agree that we only have friends who are friendly towards the fact that we are a married couple. It doesn't mean we have to have shared friends but just that we not have friends who are in any way hostile to "the marriage".

 

Should I consider this woman an enemy of the marriage? My H is well aware of my discomfort and has promised me he will not be going out of his way to engage at a personal level with this friend of the OW, and will tell me if it happens because it is unavoidable without being very rude.